CharlieMurphy Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 This is long…but I need help…This happened last Tueday…I'm 18 and she's 17... She called and said her school work is piling up, her family life is bad (sister is threatening to kill her mom, gf is trying to stop it), she's got college ahead of her (graduating a year early), the ACT's, and she has a pap exam coming up that will determine if her HPV has cleared up or not. (It’s all the truth…I know she’s not lying) She said she’s having a crisis right now and doesn’t know what to do. She told me that she needs to take a break and get her life sorted out before she can have any sort of serious relationship. She told me it's nothing I did but it's everything going on in her life right now. That she really likes me and doesn't want to do it, but felt like she had to. She wants to try and do it single. She then said that after her stuff is sorted out, then she can think about a relationship again. Then she said she had to get off the phone to go do something, but to call her back later if I want. She'd understand if I didn't want to. I told her I understand where she's coming from and everything, but I'm completely bummed out. I later called her back because she wanted me to do and we talked for a little bit but I was really quiet. I told her that I’m still here to talk if you want in the future. She said okay and about 5 minutes later she had to go do some homework. She then said “I’ll talk to you tomorrow if you want”…and I haven’t talked to her since Tuesday. I cried for almost a day after this happened. My sister told her about it and she said she felt so bad, and maybe in the future we can get back together… Should I continue going no contact or should I talk to her? I want to help her through her problems but I also don’t want it to hinder a future relationship. Maybe no contact is the best option? It’s just so tough. I don’t know if she still wants me to be there for her for support or not. I mean, she still likes me…but she’s so busy right now. Btw...we’ve been dating for 2 and a half months. Also...she has had a terrible past. She was raped when she was 13, got pregnant before by her ex bf and he beat her until she had a miscarriage at 15, did drugs, alcohol, all that when she was around 14 or 15. She had to move in with her aunt up here because her mom used to beat her. I told her that I'd still be there for her and accept her for who she is now...which is a great person. She told me I was the greatest guy in the world for that. She really has turned her life around. I love her for who she is now…and please don’t tell me she’s damaged goods. That’s what my dad told me and he said never to speak to her again after this. I got so pi***d when he said that. My mom doesn’t believe her reasons for leaving either. It’s like everyone around me doesn’t want me to speak with her.
Author CharlieMurphy Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 Anyone? I really want to call her today and see how she's doing. Just talk for maybe 10 minutes and catch up, and then ask if she still wants me around as a friend or if it's best I back off so she can get her stuff done. I'll ask her seriously (and tell her I need an honest answer) if she would still like to continue being friends with me or if I am just in the way for the time being. I'll tell her that I want to be there for her but don't want to be a nuisance to her either.
LakesideDream Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Part of maturing into adulthood is understanding that there are times when you must put someone elses emotional welfare ahead of your own. The lady needs a break, are you mature enough to honor her wishes?
Author CharlieMurphy Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 Part of maturing into adulthood is understanding that there are times when you must put someone elses emotional welfare ahead of your own. The lady needs a break, are you mature enough to honor her wishes? Sure...but is there anything wrong with checking in every now and then? She told me that she just can't be in a serious relationship with me right now, but that doesn't mean we still can't be friends.
Carl321 Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 If you want this girl back someday, DO NOT be her friend right now. You need to disappear and let her work through her issues. You are a young man and you probably have not had a lot of heavy relationship experience. Thats okay--you need to learn from this experience. Take it from an older guy who has been around the block with girls a number of times in situations just like this. You need to go NC. If you try to be her friend right now, you will end up in the friend zone--permanently. Once you are there, it is basically impossible to escape. A woman will lose all romantic respect for you if you are the lapdog always eager to hang out and cater to her and that she can dump all her problems on. DO NOT be that guy. Disappear for a while and let her experience life without you around. She is taking you for granted. I am not promising that she will come back to you, but I can tell you that if you want a relationship with her again someday, NC is really your only shot. I know it is hard, but you are in no shape to be around her right now. She will see right through your promise to be "a friend" and know that you are secretly wishing that she comes back to you. And that is the kiss of death, my friend--women are NEVER attracted to desperate men.
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