Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Finally it hit the fan!! My ss got busted today . His mom finally confessed to my SO everything she had been covering up for. She also confessed he already has had sex with the girl he dated for a couple of years. They broke up and he wasn't allowed to talk with her. We had no clue what happened. Now we know why the mom has nothing to do with us. We had no clue. The grandmother knew and the bio mom knew. We was in the dark all this time. Now she confesses to this new girl too. She thinks he is sleeping with her also. He is going to his mom's house and taking her over there. He thinks his mom is off of work and she isn't. She said she was sorry for ever saying those ugly things about me. I was just trying to be a parent and make him mind not being mean. She let him manipulate and lie for him . She broke down and told my SO everything. She checked him out on Valentine's Day for a so called stomachache. My SO found the paper and maybe he told his mom and she knew she couldn't lie no more. He is getting off work and going to bust him and that girl. He is going to hide woods then going to jump out and bust them. He told me he is going to take the girl and him to her house and tell them what has been going on and he just found out. I knew something was up and noone believed me until he started lying to my SO. I am not surprized at all . I am glad they finally are seeing that he isn't the GOOD SON like they thought he was. He made my SO look like such a fool all this time.
JackJack Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 He is a teenager correct? I'm not saying teens should be having sex, but it happens and hopefully they are/were well protected. That is not a justification either. Its a reality. Your SO sounds like he is really going out of his way to "bust" them. I doubt it will make them stop, if anything they may just hide it better. He made my SO look like such a fool all this time. No, he didn't, your SO made himself look that way by thinking his son could do no wrong or turning the blind eye.
a4a Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 He is a teenager correct? I'm not saying teens should be having sex, but it happens and hopefully they are/were well protected. That is not a justification either. Its a reality. Your SO sounds like he is really going out of his way to "bust" them. I doubt it will make them stop, if anything they may just hide it better. I agree....... a mature chat would probably be a much better way to go. I also thought he was nearing the age of 18? It saddens me that you (sassy) seem to take some sort of delight in this. This is still a family - and this is going to cause a bigger problem than the original one if it is handled like this.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 He is a teenager correct? I'm not saying teens should be having sex, but it happens and hopefully they are/were well protected. That is not a justification either. Its a reality. Your SO sounds like he is really going out of his way to "bust" them. I doubt it will make them stop, if anything they may just hide it better. He made my SO look like such a fool all this time. No, he didn't, your SO made himself look that way by thinking his son could do no wrong or turning the blind eye. Your right !! Guess what she is going to the health department and getting him condoms. I know you want them to be safe but geesh. That is just telling him it is ok. Well he is going to take control and really wouldn't want to be in my ss shoes.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I agree....... a mature chat would probably be a much better way to go. I also thought he was nearing the age of 18? It saddens me that you (sassy) seem to take some sort of delight in this. This is still a family - and this is going to cause a bigger problem than the original one if it is handled like this. How is that taking delight!! I told my SO what was going on and he was in too much denial . I just seen it coming. We were just talking about this and my SO said he knew he was lying about things and didn't trust him. It just finally came to a head today.
a4a Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 How is that taking delight!! I told my SO what was going on and he was in too much denial . I just seen it coming. We were just talking about this and my SO said he knew he was lying about things and didn't trust him. It just finally came to a head today. I am glad they finally are seeing that he isn't the GOOD SON like they thought he was. It is so sad..... this kid is probably a mess because he has been shuffled around without real structure or values instilled in him for a very long time. Your previous posts about the grandparents spoiling him, his mother being immature, the new family.... him being basically an outsider. Reacting in a way to make him an outsider at this point will not serve any purpose but to drive a deeper wedge in the family. Isn't he nearing the age of 18? Why not just go to the drug store and buy some condoms and sit down and talk with him? He is not going to become a virgin again. He will continue to have a sex life. That is reality. This chat should have taken place long ago.
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Now is the time to BE this kids friend. He doesn't need adults ganging up on him - Or shoving his face in his own poop... Everybody should be on the same page, and communicating. His bio mom, his grandmother, you - the stepmom and ofcourse his father, your H. Everyone should put their personal feelings aside and work together to make sure he's on the right track in life. Atleast he waited till he was 18! Alot of guys (and gals) have sex in their very early teens.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I am glad they finally are seeing that he isn't the GOOD SON like they thought he was. It is so sad..... this kid is probably a mess because he has been shuffled around without real structure or values instilled in him for a very long time. Your previous posts about the grandparents spoiling him, his mother being immature, the new family.... him being basically an outsider. Reacting in a way to make him an outsider at this point will not serve any purpose but to drive a deeper wedge in the family. Isn't he nearing the age of 18? Why not just go to the drug store and buy some condoms and sit down and talk with him? He is not going to become a virgin again. He will continue to have a sex life. That is reality. This chat should have taken place long ago. No he isn't nearing 18 he is only 16!!!! Condoms aren't full proof and they have been known to break. His dad had this talk when he was on the porn. His mom should have been a parent instead of a friend. She became a mom at 15 and his dad became a dad at 17 . You would think she would have better sense than she did. I think she is an idiot and doesn't know what it is like to be a parent in my point of view. No one is saying he would never have sex that is obsurd!! The fact he has been lying and decieving us is what is the problem . She allowed this behavior.
JackJack Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I think she is an idiot and doesn't know what it is like to be a parent in my point of view. The fact he has been lying and decieving us is what is the problem . She allowed this behavior. So its pretty much ALL her fault this has happened? Where are your and your SO's roles in this?
EnigmasMuse Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 He is going to hide woods then going to jump out and bust them. He told me he is going to take the girl and him to her house and tell them. This is just not the correct way to go about this I don't think. I agree, it will cause more problems. Your, SO needs to sit down with him in a nice calm manner and discuss this. Not hide in the woods, that kind of comes across as a delusional way of thinking. I understand your SO and his son's mother doesn't want the same thing to happen to him that happened to them, but there is a right and a wrong way to go about things. Hiding, and busting him is not the right way. Thats just as sneeky as what the son is doing. Sounds kind of immature on the SO's part.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I think she is an idiot and doesn't know what it is like to be a parent in my point of view. The fact he has been lying and decieving us is what is the problem . She allowed this behavior. So its pretty much ALL her fault this has happened? Where are your and your SO's roles in this? We didn't know all this was going on!! I was always looked as being the bad guy if i said anything. I tried telling my SO that something was up. I think he had his blinders on. Anytime i said anything I was looked as I hate him . I feel it is both their faults .
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 He is going to hide woods then going to jump out and bust them. He told me he is going to take the girl and him to her house and tell them. This is just not the correct way to go about this I don't think. I agree, it will cause more problems. Your, SO needs to sit down with him in a nice calm manner and discuss this. Not hide in the woods, that kind of comes across as a delusional way of thinking. I understand your SO and his son's mother doesn't want the same thing to happen to him that happened to them, but there is a right and a wrong way to go about things. Hiding, and busting him is not the right way. Thats just as sneeky as what the son is doing. Sounds kind of immature on the SO's part. He didn't do that he wanted in the house till he came . He said that is what he was going to do but he didn't . I talked to him earlier before ss got out of school. He got off work and went to bio mom's house and confronted him. She lives not far from the school.
hotgurl Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 So how did your Do handle it? I would also inform the girl's parents.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Now is the time to BE this kids friend. He doesn't need adults ganging up on him - Or shoving his face in his own poop... Everybody should be on the same page, and communicating. His bio mom, his grandmother, you - the stepmom and ofcourse his father, your H. Everyone should put their personal feelings aside and work together to make sure he's on the right track in life. Atleast he waited till he was 18! Alot of guys (and gals) have sex in their very early teens. He isn't 18 he is 16!! Noone is ganging up on him he thinks he has gotten away with stuff and now he is being confronted . We want him to get his life back on track. My SO doesn't want him to make the same mistake he did becoming a dad so early.
hotgurl Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Has your SO ever sat down and talked to his son about how hard it was to raise a child at 17? I know it can be a delicate situation. also maybe take the son to spend some time with babies or at a daycare or something. Also if he is having sex maybe become a little stricter about curfew and where the kids are going etc... Basically don't allow them the opportunity. I know it is hard and they are teenagers and will have sex if they are determined too. In a way it may be too late since the kid has not had a lot of guidlines or rules or boundries.
Author Sassy Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Has your SO ever sat down and talked to his son about how hard it was to raise a child at 17? I know it can be a delicate situation. also maybe take the son to spend some time with babies or at a daycare or something. Also if he is having sex maybe become a little stricter about curfew and where the kids are going etc... Basically don't allow them the opportunity. I know it is hard and they are teenagers and will have sex if they are determined too. In a way it may be too late since the kid has not had a lot of guidlines or rules or boundries. Put it like this it will be alot stricker every where. He really won't have to much freedom no more. He will be taken to work and he will go to school and the games then home. Dad said he will talk with the coaches and find out when the games are over.
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 He isn't 18 he is 16!! Noone is ganging up on him he thinks he has gotten away with stuff and now he is being confronted . We want him to get his life back on track. My SO doesn't want him to make the same mistake he did becoming a dad so early. Sorry, I thought he was 18. Turn this into a positive then. Don't make him feel bad for his choice in having sex. Have family dinners everyday and INCLUDE everyone. Know exactly what is going on and be active in his life - Not only his personal life, but in school. The kid needs to be shown love, and feel safe that he can come to you, to his dad or his mom to talk and not be crapped on. I'm not saying that you do that...
stillhere Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Put it like this it will be alot stricker every where. He really won't have to much freedom no more. He will be taken to work and he will go to school and the games then home. Dad said he will talk with the coaches and find out when the games are over. Sorry, but i had to add my 2 cents. Why isn't your SO at his games? Maybe it was the way i was raised, but i played in two sports throughout HS. My parents were at every single game, cheering me on. I think both parents should be attending games. I don't care if the kid sits on the sidelines the entire time,the parents should be supporting him.
Author Sassy Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 Sorry, but i had to add my 2 cents. Why isn't your SO at his games? Maybe it was the way i was raised, but i played in two sports throughout HS. My parents were at every single game, cheering me on. I think both parents should be attending games. I don't care if the kid sits on the sidelines the entire time,the parents should be supporting him. He goes to his games!! Why would you even say that? Usually he goes if it is at 6:30pm if it is 4:30pm he works so he can't go cause he gets off at 6pm.
stillhere Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Dad said he will talk with the coaches and find out when the games are over. That's what you said, so that's why i said he should be attending. I didn't pull that "assumption" out of the air. I'm glad he does go to the games. Shows his son that he cares about him and that he is behind him.
a4a Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 No he isn't nearing 18 he is only 16!!!! Condoms aren't full proof and they have been known to break. His dad had this talk when he was on the porn. His mom should have been a parent instead of a friend. She became a mom at 15 and his dad became a dad at 17 . You would think she would have better sense than she did. I think she is an idiot and doesn't know what it is like to be a parent in my point of view. No one is saying he would never have sex that is obsurd!! The fact he has been lying and decieving us is what is the problem . She allowed this behavior. Well he is nearing 17 correct in less then 3 months. This was bound to happen considering the reality of the world. Anywho I see so much blame going on the son, the father and the bio mom - you can only control your own reactions to the young man. You can choose to take a different approach with him then what others have. Being angry at every person involved will not help this young man. If he would have come to you and said he was having sex would it have made a difference? How many kids run up to their parents and tell them they are sexually active? Of course they are going to lie or hide it. IMHO this kid has been stuck in the middle of your M and your H's relationship with his EX and entire family. I guess it might be some form of projection because of the cheating the H did with the EX. Your H's previous life and resulting son have probably been quite difficult to deal with for you. But maybe it is time to put aside the anger and see this young man as a human being and try to really help him?
a4a Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 He goes to his games!! Why would you even say that? Usually he goes if it is at 6:30pm if it is 4:30pm he works so he can't go cause he gets off at 6pm. You could go.
JackJack Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 So how did things go yesterday with your SO and his son?
EnigmasMuse Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 So how did things go yesterday with your SO and his son? Yes, how did things go? I was wondering too. Your SO didn't hide in the woods did he?
Author Sassy Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 Yes, how did things go? I was wondering too. Your SO didn't hide in the woods did he? No he didn't hide in the woods! He confronted him and he confessed. This has been going on for 2 yrs. The lying and manipulating that his mom has been doing for him.
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