gonetildecember Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 ..sorry for the typo in the title I don't even know where to post this... I don't know how many of you remember my original post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t104325/ Last night, while on Facebook" of all places I found out that he's having a baby. I called him and asked, and after denying it- I found out that his GIRLFRIEND (the same one he left for me) he is now with again.. and she's 7 months pregnant. That means the whole time we were together.. the whole time I thought we were working on us.. the whole time he was telling me he loved me.. she was pregnant. He told me it was a mistake, he saw her once in August (the month we were talking about keeping our baby and when I finally had the abortion), they had sex and then he didn't hear from her. Supposedly she showed up at his house in December 4 months pregnant (purposely) and forced him to reconcile for the sake of the baby. Regardless he's known since December.. we've been together, talked about loving each other etc.. numerous times til then. The sad part about it all is that he still says he didn't tell me and did it all to protect me, because he loves me and it was too hard for him to hurt me.. LIKE WTF!! i don't understand how someone can hurt someone like that.. I stopped hoping/trying for a reconciliation months ago and I am interested in someone else, but it really doesn't help the fact that ALL of this happened.. and ppl knew and he forced a lot of them not to tell me... and she knows nothing about this.. Nothing about me and him existing after june.. nothing about me and my baby.. nothing about us being together recently... I can't help but feel shattered because I feel like the last year of my life was a joke.. a complete lie.. and I don't know if I will ever be able to trust someone ever again.
taylor Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Gonetildecember, I just posted a thread on the break-up forum about not being able to trust anyone. But my trust issues sound juvenile and petty compared to yours and now I feel somewhat ashamed for even posting. The only thing I know is it really hurts when you allow yourself to trust someone and then they betray you or let you down by not being truthful with you. Sometimes the truth hurts but it's better to face the truth and deal with the pain than to later realize you've been fooled or lied to for months and months. That feeling of betrayal makes you never want to be that vulnerable to another person again. I just want you to know that my heart aches for you. Big hug.
Author gonetildecember Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Thanks Taylor. I keep beating myself up for it because I was so oblivious. The funny thing is that I stopped trying to reconcile in December, and I was happy and had met someone new, and I thought that we had finally settled things.. and we were actually getting along.. on friendly terms and I was content with that. Only to find out, he's known for months that she was pregnant.. while still trying to talk to me.. and that he cheated with her.. and ugh.. i feel sick to my stomach. He just called and it's like it's a joke to him. He told me he doesnt want to be with her, and that he's only doing it because her mom is forcing him and .. i just turned my phone off... i literally feel sick.
taylor Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 This guy sounds like he doesn't have a responsible bone in his body. He isn't even trying to be accountable for his actions. Sounds very immature. It's makes it somewhat easier to accept the hurts that people inflict on us if we know they feel some remorse for it. But when they think it's all a joke, it's almost unbearable to reconcile their behavior. This man hurt your unbearably. I have a feeling he is going to do the same with this pregnant girl. Feel sorry for her and her unborn child. I'm glad you have found someone else. Try to focus your attention on this new man in your life. I bet he is looking REAL GOOD to you right now. And your ex is looking like a real heel. One day he will get a taste of his own medicine. Another big hug to you.
Author gonetildecember Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Thanks again, i posted in ur post as well. It's true- his immaturity is ridiculous. He practically just told me that the only reason he is with her is because if he isn't -her mom will kill him for child support (he makes a lot of money) It's like he doesn't get the gravity of the fact that he will have a daughter in two months.. and he said.. i was gonna tell u then- when u couldn't be mad about it!!!!! LIKE WTF. Thank God, I didn't end up with him.. he's still calling me.. like I don't get it.. And I feel so bad for her.. but i dont know if it's my place to call her and tell her that's he's been with me since she got pregnant.. I wouldn't want to be responsible for something happening to the baby- but somehow I feel that she should know. And he kept asking if I was mad- like I would ever entertain the idea of a reconciliation now. He kept saying he was sorry- and that he didnt know how to prove it- and he hid it to protect me.. but my god.. I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.. nor is there a point. As much as I thought I had found closure.. it still feels like a slap in the face. I want to get over with it and close all doors.. but I can't stop thiking about it! I'm so happy that I'm leaving and I have a chance to start things with this new guy.. but he's still there in my mind- after I have come so far to get over it.
taylor Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I think this girl probably already knows she is dealing with a snake. And so does her mother. Of course it is up to you if you want to provide her with additional information to "open her eyes." But I really don't think she needs it. I don't think she is under any delusion that he is a man of high integrity. More information may just put her under more duress. I doubt things will work out between them in the end. Her mother can't force them to stay together if he doesn't want to be with her. In the end he will probably just have to come to terms (begrudgingly, I'm sure) with the fact that he fathered a child and will have to be financially responsible for the child for the next 18 years! It sounds like he is trying to run away from the situation or trying to ignore its existence. It doesn't matter if he wants to be financially responsible or not - the courts can force him to be responsible. He has made a mess for himself and I would give him time to work through this mess without your involvement. He's not your problem any longer. YAY. He's her problem. Again, feel sorry for her. She's going to be having to deal with him one way or another for a very long time. Sidenote: I don't think he "spared" you the truth to protect you. I think he concealed the truth to protect himself. A real man would have owned up to the truth by laying all the cards on the table and then had the courage to face the consequences of his actions. He has a long way to go to learn how important it is to have respect and trust in a relationship. He hasn't demonstrated either one of those qualities in his relationship with you or with this other girl. Without those two things, there is no relationship. Again, I'm so glad a new guy has entered your life and I hope you all the best with him. It sounds like he may be a new and REAL chance for some happiness.
Author gonetildecember Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I'm actually shocked to hear that they're back on ... When I met her after I found out that she was still trying to get him back (now i think he was still seeing her) She swore that she would never go near him again. And I mean she could have ended her pregnancy.. she has before (she told me this) but she waited until she was 4 months pregnant to even tell him about it (Not that this changes anything with him) Supposedly it was onyl one time that he "relapsed" and slept with her.. and she told him she was on birth control.. but have some common sense.. a girl has been trying to hang on to you for years and u don't use protection. And wham!! she gets pregnant. It really isn't my business anymore. I won't be the one to tell her, because she knows my number- she knows he has done it to her before.. so she could have called to find out if anything was going on. If she finds out (I'm hoping she doesn't before she has the baby- I wouldn't want it to be in any harm) It wont be from me.. but I mean.. people know we've been together.. his friends.. his sister .. his friends even have pictures of us together on their myspace pages.. like HE DOES NOT THINK It would have been so easy for him to just GROW THE HELL up and let go.. btu he claims.. he couldn't and didnt want things to end with me. I told him, what he can do to make it up to me now, is to grow up.. attmept to be a good boyfriend or be straight up with her and tell her he doesn't want to be with her.. and to be a good father to his daughter .. who will be here in two months (I know what it's like growing up without one around). WE're done.. despite the fact that he has been calling all day.. I can't comprehend how one person can hurt someone that much and CLAIM.. that he did it out of love... or to protect me And this only makes me even more anxious to see the other guy.. I can't wait to get out of here.. Thank god I won't be here in May when she's born.. I think that would have been the final straw
taylor Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 This guy may be "running" to you to "escape" the problems he's created for himself. He is living in some kind of fantasy world if he thinks he can rekindle a relationship with you while dragging a ton of baggage along with him. If he keeps calling you, I would tell him, "You made your bed. Now go lay in it." And then go NC. Watch from a distance and see how he chooses to handle this mess he created. I have a feeling he will be showing his true colors to you again in the form of a bunch of red flags and it is going to convince you even more that he is no good for you. I think you and this other girl are both "victims" of his immature, selfish behavior. I don't think he is worth the trouble.
sb129 Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 GTD. Soo sorry to hear about your story. I kinda know how you feel- even tho I might not get any sympathy for it, its long over now. I saw a MM whose wife got pregnant a month before he told me that they were all over. He said he didn't find out until our R was well underway. We stayed together amidst lies and heartbreak (mine and his Ws) and more lies.. eventually he came clean, and his son was born (who I adored) but his wife told me once that he had known about her pregnancy from the first day she knew- IE he knew when he was chasing me. If I had known I wouldn't have touched him with a ten foot pole. I could never trust him after finding that out, and we split. But our outcomes are the same GTD. These lying cheating scumbags are OUT OF OUR LIVES. Amen to that. There will be someone else out there for you...
Author gonetildecember Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 Amen To That Is Right!! I want nothing to do with it anymore.. I know that if she does find out.. she'll contact me.. and really I'm hoping that doesn't happen. I told him not to call me anymore.. he still is.. but I'm not answering. He really needs to start doing what's right.. he says he doesn't want to be with her and is only doing it for the child support issue.. but once again she's oblivious to that.. I wish he could just come clean and start fresh with her for the sake of his daughter.. and I really hope he does right by his kid too. I'm done with it.. I'm just so nervous now... I think my trust will FOREVER be shattered by this.. I still don't even believe he did that to me.
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