HurtandLost Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Well I have been NC with my ex girlfriend for about 7 weeks now and have been gradually getting better. The only thing holding me back is all the ups and downs I go through. I have gotten to the point where I don't bring it up to anyone anymore because I'm sure they are tired of hearing my sad story all the time. It seems the more I bottle it up the worse it gets. I have almost reached for the phone and called her a few times, but ended up talking myself out of it by thinking of the reasons not to call her. First and foremost of the reasons would be the fact that she would probably wouldn't even care to hear from me. As Im sure you can all guess she was the one to break it off. I wasn't really suprised because of the downward slope we had been going through the few months before the breakup. I already know the answer to my question I am going to ask, but im going to ask it anyways. Does the dumper ever think about the dumpee? It really hurts to know she could break off something that was good for about 2 1/2 years and just walk away unscarred. How come there are some people that can do that, I honestly can't ever stop caring about someone even if they do hurt me or make me feel like crap. I know im just aimlessly writing now so i will stop. Thanks for reading.
Stewart Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I'm going through exactly the same thing right now, with all the same questions running through my head, so all I can say is I absolutely feel your pain! That eternal question "does the dumper ever think about the dumpee?" is one of the many reasons that makes NC so damn hard. We feel as though we need to remind them that we still exist, and the pain we are going through... but if I was to listen to my head right now, I'd say they must think about us. Probably not as much as we think about them, but they're only human, so yes, I'd say they do. I know, I'm not much help, all I can say is I wish you all the strength to get through this.
KittenMoon Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Does the dumper ever think about the dumpee? Yes, probably more than you think. However, it rarely means the situation will change much.
scubafish Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I would have to agree that after 2-1/2 years, she is probably does think about you, and although I do not know your breakup reason, she probably does feel bad. I envy all you here who can do pure NC. I have to deal with limited NC, because after 20 years, it is going to take a while to split everything, and he did not take much with him when he left. so now we have to deal with who gets what this week-
soulseeker Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Yes, they do think about us. I was in the opposite situation a few years ago, I was the dumper. I thought about the guy all the time, eventhough I had no desire to get back with him. Just because it doesnt work out, does not mean there are not/were not strong feelings. And they dont just go away. Does it really matter though? More than likely, your situation will not change. Just know that you are better off without that person. Even if you thought they were the one for you, they obviously did not feel that way about you. Yes, it hurts like hell, I know. I am now the dumpee. I feel lucky, in a way, that I was the dumper my first time around. It makes it easier now, to know when I broke up with my first boyfriend, it WAS NOT because there was something defective with him. I KNEW he was an amazing person and often beat myself up because I was no longer in love with him because I felt like I should have been...he was such a great person. I wasnt rejecting him per se, I was rejecting the way I felt in that relationship. Sometimes things just dont work out. Sometimes life is rough. I have such a high regard for my first boyfriend. And I am happy that he has moved on and is in a happy relationship. If your ex cares about you, that is what they would want for you.
thatmatt Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I ended my first relationship a few months ago, and yes I still think about her. I know I was in the right to end the relationship, but I do sometimes get these feelings of thinking I could make it work again, it's just my nature. As the dumper, however, I think I think about her more than she does me, I am at a lower place in my life, and she's moved away and had already established a life without me while in the relationship, so she can go back to that, and it probably helps her a lot. I guess it really depends on the situation, and even though I am technically the dumper, so many things that happened between us left me in the dumpee position. so I guess it really depends on the situation. But I do think me and you are alike in that we still care about people who hurt us, I imagine you are an extremely loyal person, so you're not alone! But you're doing great with 7 weeks of no contact. Remember that you don't need her to validate your goodness as a person, that's something it took me several times of breaking no contact to realize.
KittenMoon Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Yes, it hurts like hell, I know. I am now the dumpee. I feel lucky, in a way, that I was the dumper my first time around. It makes it easier now, to know when I broke up with my first boyfriend, it WAS NOT because there was something defective with him. I KNEW he was an amazing person and often beat myself up because I was no longer in love with him because I felt like I should have been...he was such a great person. I wasnt rejecting him per se, I was rejecting the way I felt in that relationship. Sometimes things just dont work out. Sometimes life is rough. I have such a high regard for my first boyfriend. And I am happy that he has moved on and is in a happy relationship. If your ex cares about you, that is what they would want for you. Y'know, I think this is great. This is really exactly what a lot of dumpees need to hear. I would repost this is I were you, soulseeker.
Author HurtandLost Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 Thanks guys for all the quick replies, it really does help to know that there are people out there going through the exact same thing as me. I did have a much better day today after I had gotten that off my chest yesterday. I went the entire day without thinking about her and even worked out really hard which made me feel alot better. I would advise that to anyone who is feeling down; is just to get up and go running or go lift weights. It really makes a huge difference on your attitude towards the breakup and how you feel about yourself. I am now just hoping that I continue to have days like this because it does feel great to be away from the pain for once. I do have a question for everyone though, what should I do when Im actually in the heat of the moment thinking about all the good times? What are things you guys do to forget about it and move your thoughts elsewhere???
RichC Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 It is important to keep working out, even when you don't feel like it. Your mood will be much brighter after the workout. Remember, even if you want to run away from the gym run toward it.
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