Icantletgo Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Hey ya'll. If you are not familiar w/ my story here is a synopsis (Verry long): With my bf for 3 years. Broke up in July cause he never saw me and he was so stressed w/ school and work and me so he gave me up. A month or two later wanted me back, say he wanted to work things out. Come January he wanted to break up again. I went through his phone records cause he was acting different with this breakup and found this girl and him had been talking alot. He confesses to me he had been dating her since september. While I was still in love w/ him and thinking we could work things out, he was going out with her. He even told me in october that he was through with dating and just wanted me and he couldn't wait for me to finish my graduate studies so we could move in together. Well anyways so we broke up for sure in January. End of February he calls me cause the new girl doesn't know if she wants to be w/ him. He comes to me talking to me saying he is devasted and that he is in love w/ her. I listen cause I still love him. We end up sleeping together multiple times. although he constantly texts and talks to her on the phone in front of me. SO TONIGHT: He comes over to see me. She calls him and he picks up and talks to her. I look at him and I tell him I can't do this anymore. It's killing me see him talk to her. I tell him i can't be his friend anymore cause I'm still in love w/ him. he tells me he's sorry. he didn't know i felt this way. he confesses that he still sees me to see "if he's missing something" and doesn't want to let me go cause he knows he loved me once and wants to see if he did in fact fall out of love w/ me or not. I tell him to please leave me alone. If he really loved me he would be in love w/ me. Not try to "find that something" or see if he "missed something". So he's out of my life. I hope. Please pray for me. Anything like this happen to ya'll? Why is he being so selfish?
NorCalDave Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I am going through similar things with my ex. We've broken up and got back together a few times now, and tried the NC thing, and the friends thing, and now we are NC but we run into each other once in a while and flirt and stuff. She has this codependent thing with her ex going on, and I know she was with him on Valentine's Day, 2 weeks after our breakup. I still love her and I feel she loves me too but it seems like she just wants to have her options and freedom, but also me too. She's tried to let me go a few times because she thinks I can do better than her (she's 20 years older than me) but I always come back to her. I've been absolutely nuts about her for 3 years. After a lot of going back and forth, NC is the only option at this point. It is hard to be friends when you are still in love with someone. NC for now, she knows my number. Your ex seems selfish and afraid to let you go. NC! It sucks but it's the only thing that works. It makes you miss each other, it gives the both of you space, freedom and time, and it usually makes the heart grow fond, if there is still love between the 2 people.
MotherGooze Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 He just doesn't want to be alone. I feel as if he is taking advantage of you. He has feelings for someone else not for you, yet you alow him to sleep with you. Don't do that again, you'll only get hurt. Go NC on him now, it's the best.
Author Icantletgo Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 My thought was that either he didn't want to be alone....or maybe just maybe he realized that he still loves me. I guess my faith and hope that he still wanted me won at that moment. But I'm being stronger now and that's why I wanted to start NC. Thanks for the support norcaldave and mothergooze.
ratingsguy Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 It is hard to be friends when you are still in love with someone. I'm going to argue that it's impossible to be friends when you are still in love for someone... and I think you have realized that since you initiated the NC. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He's had ample time to make up his mind and still couldn't do it. Do you want to be in this back and forth type relationship forever? You did the right thing. Go NC and never look back. It does hurt, trust me (I'm on day 31), but you will feel better and eventually get over this. Good luck!
Author Icantletgo Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 Thanks ratingsguy!!! I totally understand NOW that he is being selfish. It just sucks. I can't help but think about when I was the only one in his life. I couldn't help but HOPE and wish that by hanging out w/ him he'll remember how much he loved me. Inititiating NC was THE hardest thing EVER..but I'm sooo proud of myself.
StrongArt Posted March 7, 2007 Posted March 7, 2007 well Icanletgo, you are doing the right thing with having no contact. I hate to say it but this guy , who you say your are in love with, is a selfish prick who has already clearly established that he is a liar, manipulator and totally self absorbed. My wife had an affair with a kid half her age and we seperated over it. well X-mas cam around and she talked about doing xmas as a couple with out kids and maybe reconcilling. so her i show up before x-mas, buy her and the kids gifts and a tree with all the trimmings and all the fixings for a big x-mas dinner. so there i am in a hotel room at considerable expense and i get a phone call from here telling me that although she wants to reconcile, she wants to spend x-mas with her bf because she doesnt want to wreck his x-mas and because he is all alone. Well i fought back the tears and swallowed deep and said yes dear , you go right ahead and just call me when your ready to get back together as a family. so x-mas and the new years and about jan 15 she calls. she is ready plus she found out her bf had been banging this 15 year the whole time he was banging her( which i told her was pobably happening). So i said with all the sesitivity i could muster, that if she thought that even for i second that i would consider her worthy of my time attention ,let alone love, she could go F__K herself till the day i died. then i told her to not contact me, ever about anything whatsoever, except as it involved the kids. that her insensitivity had shown me who and what she was and to me she had died. And i hung up and felt like a millionaire. So the best thing you can do regarding this man is to brush him out of your life and move on with your dignity and pride well in hand!
Author Icantletgo Posted March 7, 2007 Author Posted March 7, 2007 Wow Strongart!!! It was so hard for me to let go of my bf of 3 years...I couldn't even IMAGINE if my HUSBAND and the father of my kids cheated on me. Yea, doing what we did is the best. The whole time they are lying and cheating is when they have the power over you. When they make you feel like nothing. But when WE finally say NO you can't treat us this way, that is when we can proudly say that we DESERVE better than this. How are you doing now Strongart?
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