puddleofmud Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 I need to be restrained: here is the situation. I don't, for the most part, use IM. My friends and family are more available via other means of communication. This weekend my brother's wife called via phone to get on the IM to conference with other family members our annual summer family visit. I hadn't signed on since last fall...and guess who was on line in my IM "list"? Yep! That would be EX-MM of three years who just freakin' disappeared without a word, changed his cell number, email, had a corporate apartment he said was his own apt, then refused to take my calls at his company office, etc. and never told me he was married (other than he was was considering marrying ME). He is married and lives in another state and never "lived" in that apartment! Via his "evaporation" my emails to him just "bounced" back as "undeliverable".... I found out he was married AFTER he disappeared because I needed to know why he did this and began "snooping"...and that was not a particularly "fun" part of my life, finding out all that! Yet, I have dealt with this and done so very very well, being that I am moving on as best as one could and proudly so! And there he is on-line... and still since I am now signing in (as invisible) I am so tempted to IM him and tear him a new hole!!!! But I did a passive/ agressive "bad". I've another account which doesn't contain my name (so I get no spam) which I use for catologue orders, etc. I contacted him via IM from that account and hew-boy was he HOT to trot! BTW: I am absolultey certain and without a shadow of a doubt he has no idea that this was me and am quite sure he thinks this someone he met on some "dating" site. He asked how old I was, what did I look like and asked which singles web site I'd found him? Later in the convo he gave a great deal of personal info about what kind of women he has preference and why certain women whom he'd met didn't work out for him. The one he describes who "didn't" work out was ME--being that he gave a great deal of personal information about me (no doubt as to whom he was speaking, as it wasn't all generalized--it was ME and only ME) and was so ugly about our relationship and just LIED. I am so upset about what he said--though I know now that he pathologically lies; so this may or not may not be how he feels, but who cares? He is doing the same he did me by using his "supposed" past situations to have women give him attention and sympathy. I know this was not wise of me, and I know I probably got more than I asked...but sheesh, what he said about me is so insulting and MEAN. I never imagined (nor saw) the depth of his vulgarity and not sure I needed to see that, either. And, yes, he gave enough info for me to know he isn't speaking of another... He said (with a great deal of info about me) that his last steady "friend" was OLD (he is older, but in this IM lied about his age by 10 years) and that she was desperate to become married before the "bloom" left her...but when women are "older" their sexual craving is a such draw for younger men. But he was looking for some one younger and less concerned about "strings". He also continued to describe our sexual intimacies in full DETAIL. Even using our "nick names" for each other's privates! A half hour later he gave this "person" his coporate apartment address and told her about his "home" and how lonely he is, being that he travels so much. Boo Hoo... Of, course, he also wants to get back on line with her and "see where this tempting" conversation will "lead"? I am so sickened to the point that I can't even say how this makes me feel right now. I know I shouldn't have done this, but I did and I am tempted to continue doing it, just for my own curiousity, having been left in the lurch with no explanation. I do need to get a grip on the fact that this man is just no good, period. I need to get a grip on the fact that there is nothing else I need to know. But I am not being so good as being curious and still wanting to answer his IM's......
kymberann Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 ICK! Well at least you know what a scum you had to deal with! And that he remains a scum! Although it is tempting to toy with the guy, what is it really going to get you? You can only toy so much before he 1) catches on 2) have to turn him down over and over and over....before he catches on to you. THen you'll be even angrier at him and at yourself! Sounds like the R is over for good, that's not the issue. The isue is letting go of the anger associated with the R. Even if he wasn't married and doing this S*** I don't think you would want him back due to the fact of how he evaporated! Let it go, the anger will just destroy you! Let him have his games without you whether he knows it or not! Other women will catch on too. Plus it sounds like he continues to be desperate or he would'nt still be doing this crap! On to better things! Right! Best!
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Don't write back at all...Let it go...He isn't even worth messing with. My only concern is, in the past you did do emails with him, yes? Well, let's just hope he doesn't check the IP addy's..........Not saying he's smart enough to do that, but if he gets suspicious of you IF you continue to chat/email with him, and if he's saved any of your past emails, the IP addy's possibly could match (unless yours changes on occasion)... Another thing is, as angry as you are at him, what about your feelings...Curosity killed the cat........
Author puddleofmud Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Thanks, Kymber: I would rather eat glass than "have him back". The going back thought was OVER long ago. I am shocked that he would go to such a level to discuss significant initimate details and USE our R to get other women as well to define me in such a category. As in was this the way he felt about me the entire time? Is THAT was he was thinking while we were having SEX? And you are correct, I am angry and was doing a great job of letting it go until THIS...
Author puddleofmud Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 No, there were no emails because we pretty much lived together the entire time so there was no need. I have expressed my feelings very well and had been doing a good job of taking care of that until I did the bad and read this crap. Yes, curiousity kills the cat...but I'd no idea he could be so evil... Don't write back at all...Let it go...He isn't even worth messing with. My only concern is, in the past you did do emails with him, yes? Well, let's just hope he doesn't check the IP addy's..........Not saying he's smart enough to do that, but if he gets suspicious of you IF you continue to chat/email with him, and if he's saved any of your past emails, the IP addy's possibly could match (unless yours changes on occasion)... Another thing is, as angry as you are at him, what about your feelings...Curosity killed the cat........
Touche Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Why not have a little fun at his expense? Can you do it without giving yourself away?
Author puddleofmud Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Please explain what kind of fun I could possibly have after having to hear about myself in such terms.....????
Touche Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Please explain what kind of fun I could possibly have after having to hear about myself in such terms.....???? I guess I was thinking along the lines of playing devil's advocate. For example you could say something like "Could it be that you did such and such and that's why she reacted the way she did?" And just put in things you know about him without giving away too much. I'd mention some not so flattering things about him. It's hard for me to come up with anything since I don't know what he said about you and I don't know how he was with you. But I'm sure you could come up with something. Or you could do it this way: Tell him that you once knew a woman who sounds like the woman (you) that he described but that the guy just lied left and right about her. Just go on to basically describe this "guy" who is really HIM. See what I'm saying? (Sorry, if it's not clear.)
pricillia Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Please explain what kind of fun I could possibly have after having to hear about myself in such terms.....???? I don't think that you should talk to him through IM again, but if you feel the need to, I would out yourself and let him know who you are so he knows that he got caught... But he sounds like a jerk! You are a much better person then he is... But are you sure that he did not know it was you, he could have and just did it to hurt you. And don't let his words question your dreams
Blue Phoenix Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I had basickly the same thing happen to me met a guy I thought was nice had a decent weekend togher. And then bam when I got back home he dident wanna know about me wich I honestly dident understand at the time. I did the same thing made up a false name and found him on line and omg let me tell you the made up crap he said about me was sickining. Only diffrence was after about a hour or so of listing to his retarted dribble. I let him know who it was he was lieing to and told him to go F***k his stupid nieve self to put it nicely lol.. But he wasent marryed what I knew of but still a major low life im sorry this happned to ya it suks I know. But seeing as this scum sucker is marryed I personaly would give him a final hoora if I were you. I'de talk him up realy good get him hooked on you then. Talk to his wife with out him knowing and set up a time for you too to meet and then bouth of you be there. I'm sure mr wonderfull would just love that surprize lol and it would be good for his wife be it in the long run to actualy catch him in the act..Altho you would have to face the music about the A all togher but thats a small price to pay for frying his lieng @ss I'de think..
GreenEyedLady Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 What a jerk...POM I would just try and forget about him and delete him from your IM friends...he is not worth your time, not even one second more...
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