Nothin's changed Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 I an new to this site. I am looking for support in ending my A with a MM. We have been together for 6 years. We were both married when we meet. I was very unhappy and looking for a way out of my marriage. My ex was abbusive. I left my husband within 2 months after meeting the MM. We have have some great times and have become best friends. Just recently I have realized how one sided this is. I have heard every promise and story possible as to why he can not leave. In the beginning it was because of his daughter. She is now 22 and living her own life. Two years ago he did move out for about 3 months. His mother became ill and she was going to have to live in his house. He felt he could not leave this responsibility up to his W. He moved back home. She only stayed for a week. I should have walked away then. Everytime I start to walk away I get this siniking feeling. It is so hard as I really fell in love with him. Whenever I share my feelings with him, he says to wait a little longer. He says he will make it work. I know in his own way he does love me, but I need so much more than this situation can offer. Since he moved back home I have been driven crazy with jealousy, lack of trust, lonliness as well as low self-esteem. We never go anywhere together anymore and lately one of us is always busy. We used to see each other everyday, now it is once or twice a week. This is usually at a park or for coffee somewhere. We talk atleast 10 times a day. I miss him and I need to find a way to be strong during this process of walking away. It is so hard to see this self centered side to him. It is hard for me to think that I have put my life on hold for so long for it to come to this realization, that he was never going to leave. How can love make you so blind?
pricillia Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 I an new to this site. I am looking for support in ending my A with a MM. We have been together for 6 years. We were both married when we meet. I was very unhappy and looking for a way out of my marriage. My ex was abbusive. I left my husband within 2 months after meeting the MM. We have have some great times and have become best friends. Just recently I have realized how one sided this is. I have heard every promise and story possible as to why he can not leave. In the beginning it was because of his daughter. She is now 22 and living her own life. Two years ago he did move out for about 3 months. His mother became ill and she was going to have to live in his house. He felt he could not leave this responsibility up to his W. He moved back home. She only stayed for a week. I should have walked away then. Everytime I start to walk away I get this siniking feeling. It is so hard as I really fell in love with him. Whenever I share my feelings with him' date=' he says to wait a little longer. He says he will make it work. I know in his own way he does love me, but I need so much more than this situation can offer. Since he moved back home I have been driven crazy with jealousy, lack of trust, lonliness as well as low self-esteem. We never go anywhere together anymore and lately one of us is always busy. We used to see each other everyday, now it is once or twice a week. This is usually at a park or for coffee somewhere. We talk atleast 10 times a day. I miss him and I need to find a way to be strong during this process of walking away. It is so hard to see this self centered side to him. It is hard for me to think that I have put my life on hold for so long for it to come to this realization, that he was never going to leave. How can love make you so blind?[/quote'] love can make you blind because it is human nature to belive that a person is telling you the truth
scaredinlove Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I an new to this site. I am looking for support in ending my A with a MM. We have been together for 6 years. We were both married when we meet. I was very unhappy and looking for a way out of my marriage. My ex was abbusive. I left my husband within 2 months after meeting the MM. We have have some great times and have become best friends. Just recently I have realized how one sided this is. I have heard every promise and story possible as to why he can not leave. In the beginning it was because of his daughter. She is now 22 and living her own life. Two years ago he did move out for about 3 months. His mother became ill and she was going to have to live in his house. He felt he could not leave this responsibility up to his W. He moved back home. She only stayed for a week. I should have walked away then. Everytime I start to walk away I get this siniking feeling. It is so hard as I really fell in love with him. Whenever I share my feelings with him' date=' he says to wait a little longer. He says he will make it work. I know in his own way he does love me, but I need so much more than this situation can offer. Since he moved back home I have been driven crazy with jealousy, lack of trust, lonliness as well as low self-esteem. We never go anywhere together anymore and lately one of us is always busy. We used to see each other everyday, now it is once or twice a week. This is usually at a park or for coffee somewhere. We talk atleast 10 times a day. I miss him and I need to find a way to be strong during this process of walking away. It is so hard to see this self centered side to him. It is hard for me to think that I have put my life on hold for so long for it to come to this realization, that he was never going to leave. How can love make you so blind?[/quote'] I know wht you are going thru because I am in a very similar situation.I am blided by love too but I gave myself a deadline, which is summer time in the meanwhille I am trying think about my situation and get strong enough to leave mm.Don't be hard on yourself, you loved him and still love him and love is a woderful thing. Move on taking the experience you had and leave the negative thoughts out.Think of it as a learning experince.You didn't put uyour life on hold you were living, maybe not a great life but you were living.Now just look forward and leave it all behind. Good Luck!
Author Nothin's changed Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Thank you for the advice. I was living and most of it was good. You are right I have learned from the experience. I wish you luck as well. It is so hard to move on. I am scared that I will never be able to trust again. Myself as well as others. It is hard to leave it all behind. For some reason I need to know that he really did love me not just the intimate times. I do not know why this is so important to me as far as moving on. I guess I need something to take with me on my new journey to be able to leave the sadness and lonliness behind. I just do not understand why. Thanks again for the advice. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone.
SetMeFree Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 For some reason I need to know that he really did love me not just the intimate times. I do not know why this is so important to me as far as moving on. It's important to you because you have invested six years of your life with this person. And you feel that if you can't find the answer, then you've wasted the last six years of your life. And that is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. I've invested three years, and I am desperately trying to break away, because I don't want to be in this same situation after another three years has gone by. When I read your post, it really hit home to me because I think that is what is holding me back from just letting go. I mean...I'm already so drained from the whole situation. I'm tired of the misery, hurt, frustration, and I'm at the point where I can't think of one positive emotion to describe my relationship with MM. It's PAST TIME for me to move on. I know this in my head. I'm just trying to figure out a way to let go of all the other questions and "what if" scenarios because they are just pointless. I need to figure out a way to move on without getting answers to all my questions. I like what the other poster said...to move on by thinking of it as a learning experience and just leave the negative thoughts behind....
blind 4 love Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I can relate to your situation. All i can tell you is that you know whats best for you and it is up to you to look out for you. It will be hard at first but everday that you put yourself first will help with your self esteem. Good luck.
cbl Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 For some reason I need to know that he really did love me not just the intimate times. I do not know why this is so important to me as far as moving on. I guess I need something to take with me on my new journey to be able to leave the sadness and lonliness behind. I just do not understand why. because we are all human beings and it's human nature to want reassurance once in a while. the trust, self-confidence, love of an OW gradually wears off in an affair because we are not treated fairly as we should be in a healthy relationship. there's always somebody or something that is more important than us - but don't forget that there were times when you were really in love and that was why you moved in together and planned things. it just did not work out. and it could happen to any normal relationship. getting back to being able to trust another person isn't easy... it takes time. it took me a year to be able to get into a relationship again, after ending a six year affair. but with the right person, you'll see things more clearly. you know what to believe, and who to believe.... as long as you have faith in "yourself". that's exactly the one thing you have to work on now. wish you all the best.
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