insomnie Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 I think my boyfriend is starting to develop ED and he's only 21. This morning, because I had mentioned sex (lack thereof) the night before, he suggested we shower together. So, when were both naked and in the shower, and because he wasn't making any moves on me I started to make out with him. He didn't respond at all, down there. I tried harder...still nothing. It made me want to cry, I felt so pathetic...naked, horny, willing, and bf isn't even turned on enough to be slightly hard. Sad situation, especially given that the last time we had sex was a week ago. So what is up here? I am attractive, so it isn't that. And I know he loves me. Is it possible that I am attractive and he loves me but doens't lust me at all, ever? Or is it just stress? He has a lot of things going on this week that he's very worried about. Or is it because he smokes weed a couple times a week, including last night? Or...is he developing a phobia about sex and its manifesting itself via flaccid penis? This is what I think but I'm not sure how to approach the topic, let alone develop a solution. Last night he stayed up late watching videos of Sarah McLachlan instead of trying to make a move on me...he thinks she's really hot. I agree and I don't really mind but listening to him rave about how talented and pretty she is just made me kinda sick after a couple of hours. The night before I woke up at 3:30 to him masturbating right next to me. =(. I'm just starting to feel really unwanted and I don't know what the hell to do.
allina Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Isn't it possible that he's freaked out about the whole pregnancy situation? He hasn't had much time to deal with being a father and it's probably a huge stress factor.
Author insomnie Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 Isn't it possible that he's freaked out about the whole pregnancy situation? He hasn't had much time to deal with being a father and it's probably a huge stress factor. I never updated the pregnant thread because my privacy was violated when someone I know in real life discovered LS.... but I'm not pregnant anymore. After I got over the initial shock of the situation, took a step back from all the people giving me opinions, and regained use of my rationality...I decided to have an abortion. Which I did three weeks ago. I don't want to be offensive, but so far I feel like it's the best 400 bucks I've ever spent. And I don't feel like a baby killer at all. I'm proud of my decision! Given my level of (im)maturity, the resources I have available (none of my own except for a pair of overbreaing, controlling,and slightly neurotic would-be grandparents), the lack of health care, and the drug use...that child would have been a total ****up. Anyway...so fatherhood's not the problem.
tommyr Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 One possibility is your boyfriend may have some feelings over the recent abortion which affect his interest/ability for partner sex. It may take some time for him to get over the experience and he may have lingering guilt or at the least some grieving to go thru.
allina Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Despite what people said I think you made the right decision, actually, I know you did. I think a pregnancy is a lot to handle and this issue with your bf may be stress, maybe he feels bad, maybe he's afraid of it happening again.
ruby_gloom Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I think I've read just about all of your posts, so I'm quite familiar with the story between you and your bf, and I just have to say that I don't see this: And I know he loves me. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, so please don't take offence. It's just that with all that he says and does (that you report here, anyway), it seems to me that this guy just really doesn't know that he wants--like he wants to be with you, but not really. I know you love him, but this relationship just seems so unhealthy for you, insomnie. And what's worse is that it seems to me that you can see that it's on the rocks too, and that is has been for a long time, but you don't really want to admit it.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Yes, I agree with Ruby Gloom. If he doesn't appropriately respond "down there" I'm sure it's because he hates you
magichands Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Yes, I agree with Ruby Gloom. If he doesn't appropriately respond "down there" I'm sure it's because he hates you Wow, dude. That's harsh. You need a blowjob, and fast.
marlena Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 insomnie, Hi! I know exactly how you are feeling and I sympathise! If he were the father of this aborted child, it could very well be that he was frightened to death of the prospect of becoming a father and that he now associates sex with pregnancy risk. After all, you said it yourself, he is only twenty one. Wait a while as patiently as possible ...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........and see what happens... The abortion is very recent.
magichands Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Last night he stayed up late watching videos of Sarah McLachlan He'll probably realise, soon enough, that she is out of his league.
ruby_gloom Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Yes, I agree with Ruby Gloom. If he doesn't appropriately respond "down there" I'm sure it's because he hates you When did I say that? Actually, thinking back on what I said--I don't think "love" is the issue here because guys are all just so freaking horny that sometimes all they need is a little friction, and there they go. Ugh. Anyway, seriously: how does a guy not get turned on if he is naked in the shower alongside an attractive naked young lady? I worded that really badly but still--how does that happen??
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Well, believe it or not- such a thing isn't uncommon. It happens sometimes. Yes, it could be pressure, stress- depression or a physical issue. Don't be so quick to think it has something to do with him not being attracted to you...there could be a multitude of reasons for this, only one of which might be a problem in the relationship. My close gf recently dated a guy who couldn't get it up... he was 32 though. She made the mistake of putting pressure on him and he bolted quickly. My ex didn't have a problem getting it up... but he didn't have a sex drive. We had sex maybe once a week- right from the very beginning. He just didn't have a libido. I always felt like it was "me"... but it wasn't me, it was him. If you can talk to him about it- just keep it low pressure. It's a sensitive topic for guys. It really is something that needs to be addressed though. And it's also possible the pregnancy thing affected him more than even he realizes.
confucious Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Hey Insomnie - some of your previous posts have talked about your recent break-up, your trouble forgiving him for breaking up and seeing his exes, how you can't trust him anymore, and now your abortion. I imagine he feels pressured by you to "do the right thing" all the time. I imagine he feels as if he constantly has to prove himself to you, assuage worries, make you feel like you are loved...or at least make it obvious. I am not saying you are needy, just that there seems to be a bit of unbalance in your relationship - I have been in those before, on both sides, and they are always difficult. The abortion - this alone is enough to cause the "problem" you are describing. I don't know if women understand this but there is a feeling of complete helplessness in a male when his girl gets pregnant (assuming he is not dominating and abusing and always gets his way...). We have no real role in the decision making...we can support and advise, but in the end the man has to just go along if the woman wants an abortion or wants to keep it. Add to this powerlessness the fact that maybe he really really really DOESN'T want a baby, especially after this recent scare - well, there is a hell of a lot of psychological weight behind an innocent shag in the shower all of a sudden. If soaping you up leads to the very real possibility of a bun in the oven, as it so recently did, and he essentially has no real say over what happens in that eventuality (the fact two people discuss this eventuality has no bearing - all men know women are subject to a change of heart once they are pregnant) are you really surprised he would rather waste his little soldiers in a solo performance in the wee hours of the morning?? After all - neither Sarah Machlachlan NOR his hand run the risk of getting pregnant!
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