Here we go again!

[indep361]

Don't post here much but looking for some advice. I began seeing this girl about 8 months ago. We hit it off from the start and it was amazing. We both loved each other very much and was making plans for the future. Well I had some unresolved issues with my divorce and we broke up after 5 months. I accepted this and worked on my issues, went and talked to a a counselor, etc. All the while, she wanted to remain friends and see what would happen from there. Needless to say this was very hard for me. I did my best to just be nice and not bring up the past, etc. Well it seemed like everytime we would get close again, something would happen and I would get jealous. Whether it be her hanging out with guys or whatever. Well I finally got over these feelings and impulse tendancies and about a 3 weeks ago she went home, about 10 hours away, for a week. She stated that when she got back we would see about dating. Well she got back and then said she was thinking about moving back home now. While this hurt me, I told her I supported her, and would be here if she needed me. Things progressed from there and got to the point where we were talking several times a day. Then I noticed she started acting differently, or it seemed that way to me. I got a gut feeling that something was going on I didn't know about, but told myself to ignore it.

 

So that brings us to this last week. We went out Thursday night and had a really good time. We went to a circus and she put her head on my shoulder about halfway through. I was totally shocked by this because we have had no physical contact this entire time. As we were walking out she grabbed my arm and then held my hand on the way to the car. Again I was shocked by this. So I dropped her off and give her a hug. Well it got me thinking about things and I started to wonder what was going on. I am usually VERY good at reading people and something wasn't adding up to me. But back to the point. We had plans for her to come down Saturday night and then go grab a few drinks after I got off work. She had an appointment Saturday morning and called me on her way there. While she was talking to me I could tell that she was getting another call cause her phone was beeping. She suddenly just said she had to go and would call me later. So I asked her if she was getting another call and she said no. Well I made the dumb move of looking in her email. I have known the password for a while, but didn't look at it until yesterday. Well I found some very disturbing stuff. She has been talking to several other guys. None of whom I knew about. She even met up with one a few times, and on one occassion lied to me about where she was going. There were several instances of her meeting up with him, and then on one before she went home she said she was going to miss him. Through all of these he was calling her honey, sweetie, etc. She said that she was not interested in him at all, but that she was getting attention and it was nice to feel good. She also said that everytime she hung out with him she was thinking about me. There was also another guy where she had asked some questions about how long would he wait until being intimate, stuff about marriage, etc. This obviously floored me and didn't know who to react. I told myself not to say anything but she detected something was wrong. I finally just came out and told her what I found. Obviously she was mad but continued to say she was just friends with them and that was all she was looking for. First off, if she was just friends why didn't she tell me? Second there were things in these emails that you don't just talk to "friends" about. She told me that she just met these people recently. To me it seemed like she was looking for some attention other than me. My thoughts are that if she wanted things to work out with me she wouldn't be talking to these guys.

 

Let me first say that I do still love her very much and would jump at the chance of getting back with her. Even though I am very hurt right now. Now I know what I did was wrong, but I can't take that back now. We talked yesterday about it and at first I told her there was no way I could be her friend with all this other stuff going on. I told her it would hurt me too much. Well she said that she didn't even know if she wanted me in my life at this point and it was left at that. I talked to her today and she said she still doesn't know what she is feeling about it. So really the writing is on the wall for me, even though I want to ignore it. Just looking for some others opinions on her actions to confirm my thoughts or fears.

[lost and confused]

im going through a very simular problem. if you read: what would you do. (my first time writing)

i feel your confusion. i guess my best advise is to give her what she wants. im not trying to be negative but usually people who lie don't normally just stop and stay truthful. i found out my bf has been with his ex for our whole relationship i also found out by his email. im having such a hard time trusting him. just knowing he is using the internet gives me a tense feeling in my stomach. i feel like questioning him but its hard because i also want to have faith in him. so you have to think about how you will feel when are you with her again. will you be able to trust her? next time you hear her phone peep will you believe that she doesnt really have another line?

 

i hope you get through this.

sincerly

lost and confused

[indep361]

You know that is a good question whether I can trust her or not. She still continues to say that she was just talking to these people to pass the time and wanted nothing to do with them other than friends. She went on to say that if we got back together then she wouldn't talk to them anymore. That just makes me more suspect of all of this. If she was just looking for friendship then I would think that she would still want to talk to them, but I don't know that I could handle it giving the current situation. We had a talk this morning and I left it as if she still thought I was the one for her then she would forgive me one day and would want to start over. I guess its time for no contact so I can figure out if I could handle the situation, and if not then give me time to heal. The sad thing is I know I haven't heard the last of her.