truelovedesperation Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Dear Bloggers---I have never done this so forgive me for what i may mess up on... I have a huge problem and i really would like some honest advice or ways to see my situation differently. Last year at this time I was with a different guy, but things were over in my heart and i knew it. I went to spring break away and when i got back, i met a new guy here in my town over the internet and we started talking right away....we went out immidiately on a date and there was an undenyable animal sexual attraction, he was the hottest guy i had ever dated, just my type and beautiful....he also found much about me attractive, although i was physically different looking than his ex. anyway right away we flirted, hung out and pretty much fell in love. we started dating and were hot and heavy all throughout the summer. the only problems we were having at the time was his mom didn't want him to spend the night with me at my house, but i could stay at his, so that set the pattern from there out, i always made the 20-30 minute drive to stay with him at night. I was 25 and in college and he was in college,, but only 20 and still living at home and being supported by his family. Anyway, she started to act strange to me and give me looks that i took as dirty. I told him about this but he said i was imagining things and should try harder with here to communicate, i am american and he is latino. Anyway, he went away to college about 30 minutes away and stayed there all week...so now i only saw him on the weekends which was really hard for me....i missed him terribly.....we made it through the fall successfully and then I was realy excited about the long christmas break coming up, i booked a hotel away for the two of us for two days, to sort of catch up on lost time, but suddenly while on that trip i started feeling like i wasn't enjoying the activities i planned with him so much, i felt like he wasn't that interested and i started feeling terribly alone and like i wasn't fulfilling my communication needs with him...i tried really hard and even though we talked seriuosly about stuff, it wasn't that wonderufll comfortable desire to pick ones brain you find so fascinating....that feeling wasn't there and i started longing for a friend so i could just communicate and share ideas that he ddidn't give me feed back on. Anyway i started feeling alone when i was with him and frustrated, we started fighting about his mom, my apartment which i rented from his family and even how i tricked him into saying he was attracted to a different kind of girl than i am. blond, big chest very american, vs petite, brunette and slightly eccentric which is what i am. i started feeling really insecure about the way i looked to him even though his ex was really large, she was blond....i had dyed and damaged my hair back in the summer to be more of his type and i regretted that, i also started dressing more sexy and wearing painful shoes that he liked. we fought about that and how i didn't feel desirable to him anymore, so the sexual side of our relationship stopped and i went from being pasionately attracted to him, to feeling very uncomfortable because we were having so many problems. now we fight constantly and have threatened to break up....but haven't.....we are seeing a councelor together and apart to try to rekindle the old feelings that i am missing....not him, he is still sexually interested in me.....and then we decided to take space apart from each other, so he stays at school on the weekend with his guy friends and team mates and i am here alone in an apartment with no friends because when i started dating him i stopped hanging out with them to spend more time with him, and sort of by his request to.....now we speak on the phone and i try really hard to get that communication feeling back, like just enjoying talking to him, but it isn't working and to make everything so much worse, i started messaging one of the friends in his circle of friends and his team mate, and somehow we have just hit it off and have become such good friends. I went out with his friend purely as a friend and to talk and spent the whole night at a resturaunt talking and felt so alive for the first time in 2 years, talking to someone who had similar interests and we talked for like 7 hours....i haven't hid this from my boyfriend, even though i know he is pissed off....where do we go from here, is it wrong to be freinds with his semifriend and should we try to salvage our relationship? i feel like i want to take a break for a few months and do what we want in the mean time and if we really love each other and can't live without each other, then i guess we will see that and get back together, i want to keep hanging out with his friend, but we don't know how to handle our friendship, since the team and their friends are going to see it like that guy is trying to get me away from my boyfriend. and for the record, i didn't go to his friend to be freinds, i went to him because i had to ask him about an unrelatied issue that was in my life and when we messaged each other about it, our desire to discusss many things took off like wildfire......I am so torn and i don't want to hurt him, the friend or anyones reputation.....please help me if you have an oppinion or advice. thanks so much!
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