tomtommyboy Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 This might be quite a long post but I sooo need people's advice at the moment so anything would be welcome. My gf and I have about 7 years gap between us, when we got together I was 25 she was 18. We had the best relationship imaginable during her year between school and uni, but all along I've had an underlying problem I hid from her (successfully), namely alcohol. I finally told her in November of last year and she completely freaked out (understandably), went home to her parents, cried, stressed out, then we had a break of 3 weeks. During those 3 weeks she completely moved on (even tho she'd been completely in love with me), started getting new friends and having fun at uni etc. However when we got back in touch at the end of December, she said she wasn't sure but we did get back together - by then I was really dealing with the problem (and still am), and the reunion seemed ecstatic and amazing to us both. However, about 3 weeks ago I pushed her into a conversation in which she basically admitted she just hadn't got that 'spark' back. Altho we tried, talked about it, met up, she's now said her feelings have changed and we just can't be together anymore. The usual painful things are there - she's clearly completely moved on, she's surrounded by the message at uni that she should just be young and have fun while she can and is probably going out with people and meeting new people etc. I still think we have a chance and am wondering if there's anything I can do to win her back? Do people here think that (altho she never said this to me) she dealt with this by being angry with me for lying to her for so long and used that to get over me, and in so doing passed a point of no return? I know I fell off her pedestal big time, but she did seem to still love me, and I repeat, whatever was going on behind the scenes, it was the most amazing relationship. Now that I am fully sober (2 months and counting and feeling great on that front) I want her back more than ever - do you think if I turn up in 3 months smart, successful, etc. she might reconsider? Or is this the sort of opinion-changing fact she could never get over? Sorry if this belongs in a different forum!...
jusified Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 I know this is generalising and there is always exceptions but girls aroun 18 and 20 usually don;t know who they are, what they want and not all that relationship mature (same with alot of guys). So how bout let it go and go for someone around your age?
Yernasia Quorelios Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 When someone's feelings change or they think their feelings have changed it's generally due to a number of factors rather than just the one. The key thing to remember is that the feelings belong to the other person and that's something you have no control over. There is certainly a possibility that turning up "smart, successful, etc." that "she might reconsider" however I wouldn't get your hopes up. IMHO if she wanted this thing to work she would be with you or supporting you in some way while you sorted yourself out. From her saying "she basically admitted she just hadn't got that 'spark' back" it seems to me that this may have been a case of infatuation. Like jusified said "girls aroun 18 and 20 usually don;t know who they are, what they want and not all that relationship mature (same with alot of guys)." Carrying on improving yourself, but do it for you. If it re-ignites her spark well and good, if not you have the satisfaction of having sorted yourself out and will be good for the next person you date.
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