lost and confused Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 well my story is a bit compilcated so please bare with me. i met this guy a year ago. 1 month into our relationship he tells me he had herpes since he was 19 years old now 26 and that he didnt know how to tell me. well i told him i will look beyond it and of course i tried my best dealing with it. i really liked him felt i was in love. i went to the doctor around a month later and got tested. the test came out positive. i now had herpes. i was crushed i didnt know what to do. im part to blame because even though we were having protected sex. i should have known this would happen. he supported me all the way and helped me get though the hard times. 3 months into the relationship he sends me a text msg by accident. it was really for his "ex gf" who lived overseas. turns out they werent broken up. well we ended up fighting and he begged me back so wearing my heart on my sleeve i give him another chance. he promised to cut all ties with her blah blah blah. one of the reasons why i stayed with him was because i was afraid to live with this disease and not be able to be with anyone else. i thought who would want to be with me now? anyways 1 year later our relationship is stronger and very serious we wanted to get married and were looking for apartments together. im now 22 years old and he is 26. young in love and i have my career on the right track. one problem be does'nt. my parents advise me that he is not the right one for me. he does'nt have anything going for him yet. he starts school this summer but he wants to be a doctor. he wont be done for a long time. i argue with my whole family and proclaim my love for him. they dont really care. they believe i deserve better than him. they mentioned a few guys friends i have who show alot of interest in me, who are rich, cute and who would love to spend their lives with me. i dont care about all of that true love is beyond that i tell them. after many nights arguing with them. i find out my bf is cheating on me. he is still talking to his "ex gf". i find out he has another email account and i tried his old password and boom im in and he had told her about me. she was ok with talking to him. it mentioned that she still calls him and he told her of troubles we were having in our relationship. i was crushed after everything, after fighting with my family he was still in contact with her. i found one email that broke up with her and he told her to stya in contact through email but that was only a 2 weeks before i found all this out. i i confronted him he denied it until i showed him and then he came out with the truth. we talked all night on the phone and of course me crying and him apologizing. he swore on his life and everything that meant anything to him that she is nothing he was just having a hard time letting go coz he was with her for 4 years. i broke up with him i just could not handle the pain. the next day he called and cried to me he wanted me back and swore never to even touch another computer. after a long conversation i agreed to take him back but something inside of me is not that same. i cant trust him. now the idea of those rich,cute guys is in my head. even though i notice a change in him i dont feel i can trust him. he even quit his band and is not going out anymore. he stills me he wants to focus on us now and not hurt me anymore. but i think its too late. i dont know what to do im scared.i based my life on him. i have a disease that will probably end any new relationship i try to start. should i just give him another chance. should i see how serious he wants to be. what would you do? PLEASE HELP ME I NEED AS MUCH AS I CAN GET PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for reading sincerly lost and confused.
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 You can get treatment for herpes can't you? How ironic that he wants to be a doctor. He doesn't sound as if he has your best interests at heart and you shouldn't stay with him just because you are scared of telling your next BF about herpes. One of my exes had had it once, and he never gave it to me. If someone really loves you they won't care.
Author lost and confused Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 i have been getting treatment for it. why am i having such a hard time letting go. i feel as if im confused
Author lost and confused Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 i need advise from you guys. tell me what you think
Island Girl Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 There are other people out there with herpes. And there are people like you who are willing to deal with it in a relationship. Doctors can help you with treatment. So don't let this stop you at all from doing what is best for you. Just remove all of that from the picture. This guy has lied to you a couple of times. You are very young and you have a lot of options. If you are feeling differently about him you need to figure that out. If it is irreparable then you have to forget about him and move on. It may be a case of too little too late.
jusified Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Don't even worry about herpies man. There are alot of ppl with it. You can't get rid of it but yo can surpress it!! LOL. okok, no joking matter, I dont have genital herpies but I have colesores, they are part of the same family of stupid diseases so look don;t worry about it. As for the guy, 1) He didn't care about you at all in terms of getting you contracted. I cared about my ex and she didn;t get any diseases off me (colesores) 2) he lied to you about ex, his a cheater and not good for you. Let it go, TRY to go on with life and enjoy every minute of it. We all have so much in our lves to be happy and thankful about. You will meet a really great guy for yo soon so lose this loser.
LakesideDream Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 BF is a "wanna be" cheater. GF is a closet disease carrier... a match made in heaven. BTW, did you know that you can sue a partner in court for non disclosure of an STD? If he knows it you could be paying for the rest of your life. I am no fan of "wanna be" cheaters. That being said what you did to him was abominable, disgusting, horrific, immoral... I could go on. You should get a tatoo for your belly that says "herpies available below".
pink smartie Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 BF is a "wanna be" cheater. GF is a closet disease carrier... a match made in heaven. BTW, did you know that you can sue a partner in court for non disclosure of an STD? If he knows it you could be paying for the rest of your life. I am no fan of "wanna be" cheaters. That being said what you did to him was abominable, disgusting, horrific, immoral... I could go on. You should get a tatoo for your belly that says "herpies available below". uh, Lakeside, the OP is the one who contracted the disease from her boyfriend - and he had told her he had it.
Author lost and confused Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 lakeside he gave me herpes. i havent been with anyone but him. please read my story more carefully. .......lost and confused
LakesideDream Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Ugh... my mistake. I read your post and you were clear, I was blearie eyed. I apologise. I will stick to my "judgementalism" though. Dump this guy like the disease carrier HE is... and try contacting a lawyer. Seriously, herpes is a very nasty thing. It WILL affect you forever more. You can even pass it along to your someday offspring via natural childbirth. Personally I can assure you that I wouldn't knowingly "date" a woman with herpes (the gift that keeps on giving). If it happened and I was dating someone who informed me of the facts, it would be a handshake goodbye, and never look back. Harsh by rational.
Guest Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Lakeside, there is no reason to speak to the OP this way, she is obviously very upset. I contracted herpes many years ago when I was raped. I've always been honest about it with everyone I've dated and no one has ever had a problem with it, but been very understanding. Any good guy who really cares about you will be this way. I've never passed it on to anyone either. And if someone you tell subsequently dumps you because of it, then good riddance to them.
Author lost and confused Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 lakeside your right i need to dump him but i have been getting treatment and trust me its not as bad as people make it. i think you need to educate yourself more on it. i can pass it most to offspring when its my first outbreak( which was along time ago) and i have'nt had an outbreak since then. another thing if i do have an outbreak C section is an option. no need for lawyers everything happens for a reason. what will i get out of it? money? i will still have the disease no matter how rich. i dont need anything else from him. i will look at it in a positive light i guess this disease has changed my life and the way i look at things and its not all that bad. if you choose never to be with someone who has something like this.. all the power to you..i hope you live a healthy long life. thanks for your comments sincerly lost and confused
Island Girl Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 lakeside your right i need to dump him but i have been getting treatment and trust me its not as bad as people make it. i think you need to educate yourself more on it. i can pass it most to offspring when its my first outbreak( which was along time ago) and i have'nt had an outbreak since then. another thing if i do have an outbreak C section is an option. no need for lawyers everything happens for a reason. what will i get out of it? money? i will still have the disease no matter how rich. i dont need anything else from him. i will look at it in a positive light i guess this disease has changed my life and the way i look at things and its not all that bad. if you choose never to be with someone who has something like this.. all the power to you..i hope you live a healthy long life. thanks for your comments sincerly lost and confused Eloquently put. *applause*
boshemia Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 lakeside your right i need to dump him but i have been getting treatment and trust me its not as bad as people make it. i think you need to educate yourself more on it. i can pass it most to offspring when its my first outbreak( which was along time ago) and i have'nt had an outbreak since then. another thing if i do have an outbreak C section is an option. no need for lawyers everything happens for a reason. what will i get out of it? money? i will still have the disease no matter how rich. i dont need anything else from him. i will look at it in a positive light i guess this disease has changed my life and the way i look at things and its not all that bad. if you choose never to be with someone who has something like this.. all the power to you..i hope you live a healthy long life. thanks for your comments sincerly lost and confused Very Well put... You are correct, herpes isn't a death sentence, it is treatable, and it's not the end of the world. I was told that I had HPV, but since the first cancer scare I've been clean... and never had any other problems. And yeah there are some people out there who wont want a relationship based on their own insecurities. There are a lot of people who will overlook it for the right person... you want proof? YOU DID! Your first post was very sad, because you just don't seem to know that you deserve to be treated so much better than that. Guys only treat you with the respect you have for yourself hun... Take some time away from relationships and get to know yourself, he doesn't deserve you and you already know that... If you give him another chance just be prepared to do it for the rest of your life. I've been there, and even the most forgiving woman can wear herself thin trying to forgive someone like him. It hurts, but that pain is nothing compared to what comes later... get out now... and take care of you...
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 L&C, Please don't remain with someone because you think you have no other options because of the STD. If I met someone and really liked them, I'd deal responsibily with the risks and give the person a chance. This guy is obviously untrustworthy. D
MagnoliaJane Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Lakeside, Just a FYI: there are MANY people out there with herpes who never get symptoms and still can infect another person because they carry the virus. Check out the facts. How are YOU so sure you don't have the virus? Did you have a blood test? The ONLY way to be sure is if you never had sex in your entire life. Now tell me if this is the case?
Author lost and confused Posted March 6, 2007 Author Posted March 6, 2007 hey guys thanks for your support. you know i realized that im not going to let this disease control my life. l wont let the ignorance of people like lakeside bring me to self hatred. lakeside you need to face it. you need to open your eyes to the myriad types of people in this small world. i might have something im not happy with and ,that i cant get rid of but im sure you have something in your life that you dont like, otherwise you wouldnt be on a website like this. i dont mean to pick on you lakeside but your comment earlier was uncalled for, it hurt for a minute but i guess it woke me up. everyone in life is not going to be understanding but i guess i just have to rely on the ones who are. thanks again..i appreciated everyones comment. sincerly lost & confused
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