aesteel5 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 In our early twenties we dated for 4 years, and we were good together, when we were together. Then I started a new career and that last year, living 7 hours apart, we just about stopped talking. She started talking a lot wit someone else that she confided all her relationship ‘issues’ in, instead of me. And a few months later he told her that he wanted to be with her. She gets all in a fluster and immediately calls me, and while I’m upset that someone would make the move on her, I’m more upset when she tells me she definitely feels something for the other guy. I tell her to make her own decision of what to do, she doesn’t make a decision, and doesn’t really talk to me. Two weeks later I tell her we are going to take a break, she interpreted that as break up, and last minute she tells me she would rather be with me. Now 8 months later, I’ve started hanging out with her once or twice a month, she’s in grad school and has moved to within 45 min of where I live, and I was thinking we were just friends now. Then she calls me up last week and starts asking questions about our relationship, and how I feel about it. Turns out she’s not too happy being with, ‘the other guy’ who she has been seeing on and off. She made the point that while most everything about us being together was great, the two main issues where that 1) she thinks I am not ‘bad looking’ but she’s not that physically attracted to me, 2) I hadn’t been giving her enough of my time. But she said we would have stayed together if I hadn’t broken up with her. And that the relationship she’s been in has been an attraction based relationship primarily, and isn’t going to work. So now I’m wondering, would getting back together work? I did have one fling myself for a month, so it’s kind of like we’re on equal footing having both seen other people in the mean time. But I have a couple questions in my mind that I can’t figure out. 1) How much will the attraction issue bother her in the long term? And 2) would the fact that we separated and then got back together much later be proof that we will be stronger; or is the very fact that we didn’t make it when faced with difficulties foretell that we would be trouble spending the rest of our lives together? So that is what I've been thinking primarily. But there is one other piece of information I've left out but does factor in; I just don't want it to be the main focus of conversation...the other other guy is my brother.
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Whoa talk about a twist at the end!! Have you talked to your brother about this? How does he feel about it? Is it really worth jeopardising your relationship with him for a girl who can't seem to make up her mind what she wants? She is in the having cake and eating it too position...
Author aesteel5 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 I don't speak to him anymore except at family functions 1-3 times a year. I can understand why she would have felt and acted the way she did this last year. But my brother's actions are impossible to see any any light except that he didn't think about what he was doing and betrayed me and the trust I had in him spending time with my gf. My relationship with my brother will heal given enough time no matter what happens. But I don't see it being good for a few years. I honestly don't worry about it, I'm done coping with understanding why he would do what he did. My concern now is, trying to think just on whether or not the internal relationship issues of trust, attraction, and communication could be fixed with her if we start dating again. She basically leaves decisions up to me and communicates what she wants like with a phone call talking about what she liked in our relationship.
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