Kittiecat Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 We had a very "sparky" first date. I never spark with anyone. My mom has said I need to lay off the older men and find someone my own age. My last boyfriend was three years younger than me. Current guy has never been married, no children, he owns a house, car, etc. He's employed, smart, funny and cute. a = me, b = him and c = my mom. If a+b=mutually beneficial good times, how do I shut up c in the event a + b hit it off and c injects her "you need to find _______________ instead of this guy" variable? Discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 It's not your mother who is dating, it's YOU!!! You are a big gal, 29 whole years old. If your mother has no confidence in the way she raised you to make good decisions for yourself, she needs therapy. Respect your mother's opinion about things but do what your wisdom tells you to do. Frankly, it seems you've met a pretty ideal guy for yourself. You need to definitely pursue that. Tell mama to go bake an apple pie and watch Oprah! Now, if your mom is going to cut you off from a huge inheritance...then maybe you could negotiate with her just a little bit...haha! Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 You can't live your life to make other people happy. Consider your mom's advice, and everyone else's advice for that matter, but you end up calling the shots here. Make an informed decision and don't let anyone's agenda cloud your judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
princesspeaches Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 We had a very "sparky" first date. I never spark with anyone. My mom has said I need to lay off the older men and find someone my own age. My last boyfriend was three years younger than me. Current guy has never been married, no children, he owns a house, car, etc. He's employed, smart, funny and cute. a = me, b = him and c = my mom. If a+b=mutually beneficial good times, how do I shut up c in the event a + b hit it off and c injects her "you need to find _______________ instead of this guy" variable? Discuss. I understand the importance for a parents approval, but there is a time when you have to say "its my life not yours, if you dont like it get mad do your thing but get over it." Trust me, they will get over it. The man in my life aggrivates every member of my family, hes 13 years older and hes black, (I'm white). Those things aren't issues for me, everything else is about us - just us. I still have family that hasn't accepted it, and that's there loss. I learned that its not about your parents approval. If you are happy do it, if you like it go, if you need it dont wait. Forget about what your mom says, live your life you only get one so take chances. You dont want to listen to your mom and then look back 10 years from now and go what if.... tell your mom what i told mine, "It's my personal life, my sex life, my relationship. I'm sorry you aren't comfortable with his age, but we don't care. this is the last time I'm ever going to discuss it with you, ever. If you'd rather me not talk to you about our relationship because of this I'll confide in someone else. Other than that, our age difference and race difference will never come up again, are we clear?" she said yes, and hasn't brought it up since. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 If he is the one you end up with, your mom will come around. Before you know it, she'll be making him meatloaf (or whatever his favorite meal is). Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I never spark with anyone. There's your answer - plain and simple. So hurry up and bag this sucker before he gets the big picture: You are a big gal, your mother has no confidence in the way she raised you your mom is going to cut you off from a huge inheritance... Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
tragicglands Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 It's not your mother who is dating, it's YOU!!! You are a big gal, 29 whole years old. If your mother has no confidence in the way she raised you to make good decisions for yourself, she needs therapy. Respect your mother's opinion about things but do what your wisdom tells you to do. Frankly, it seems you've met a pretty ideal guy for yourself. You need to definitely pursue that. Tell mama to go bake an apple pie and watch Oprah! Now, if your mom is going to cut you off from a huge inheritance...then maybe you could negotiate with her just a little bit...haha! As usual, sterling advice from that bastion of LoveShack, Tony T. If he is the one you end up with, your mom will come around. Before you know it, she'll be making him meatloaf (or whatever his favorite meal is). I'm hoping for your sakes that your mum doesn't come around all that often. But Storyrider is absolutely right. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 We had a very "sparky" first date. I never spark with anyone. My mom has said I need to lay off the older men and find someone my own age. My last boyfriend was three years younger than me. Current guy has never been married, no children, he owns a house, car, etc. He's employed, smart, funny and cute. a = me, b = him and c = my mom. If a+b=mutually beneficial good times, how do I shut up c in the event a + b hit it off and c injects her "you need to find _______________ instead of this guy" variable? Discuss. And you were worried about what?......... I agree with the others. It is your life and if your mom see's that you are happy, then maybe she will start to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAngelicArtist Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I don't get the confusion....men who are at least 7-12 years older than me, preferrably in the higer range, are SO much more sexy and appealing than a man close to my age. My mom married a man way older than her. Its a good thing in that men do mature slower than women, the only drawback is men tend to kick the bucket (sorry to be so blunt) much younger than women. If you want to be 80 and have a better chance that you still have your man around, then its best to consider someone closer to your age. I know women who are in their golden years and all alone because they married older men and they are rather lonely. Thats the only drawback that I can see. Otherwise, why not be with an older man? Men age better with time (in ALL areas of expertise ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I agree age realy dosent matter when dateing there was 10 years between my mother and father. And I personaly have dated a man that was 11 years my seniour. And he was the nicest most respectfull one I have ever been with. Your mom is most likely just looking out for you but she realy needs to let you make your own desisions at 29. And give you support no matter what your choises are long as there not harming to you. Maybe you need to have a serious talk with her about it the only draw back tho to being with much older men as another poster pointed out is. Males do tend to pass on sooner then women just something to think about when looking for a life long partner.. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Listen to your mother. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 If the age difference doesn't bother you, all luck to you. However things to consider: 1. He owns his own home. Are you planning to move in with him if and when you get serious? If you do get married and move into his house, and things go bad, his home is not community property. so if you divorce, you don't get half of that. It's all his. 2. Sexually, he's on the downhill slide while you are just about to kick it up a notch. This 10 years down the road when you are wanting it more and he wants a nap. 3. Children. There is a bigger chance of birth defects, mental retardation, etc. from older fathers. Of course it is not a given, just a raised possibility. 4. Why has he reached age 40 having never gotten married? Does this mean he has never been in a longterm relationship? Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 3. Children. There is a bigger chance of birth defects, mental retardation, etc. from older fathers. Of course it is not a given, just a raised possibility. I've never heard this. I've heard of it regarding women, but not men. 4. Why has he reached age 40 having never gotten married? Does this mean he has never been in a longterm relationship? Why is that? I doubt Ms. Doesn't-Listen-to-Mom cares at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Ok the title says it all. Didn't read the replies. My father was 40 when he married my mother who was 27. They knew each other six weeks when they got married. I believe it was the third marriage for him, second for my mother in which I have a half sister. They were married for 41 years until my mother passed away. Follow your heart. Age is a number but compatability and chemistry and common interests is what sets up the future for a lifetime companion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Thanks for the replies everyone. Johan, I never listen to my mother. I'd of course be lying if I said I never considered the age difference, but like I said, I never have sparky dates so it was kind of nice to have one for a change. I understand I'm at the age where I'm supposed to make my own decisions. Sometimes it's just hard to not be influenced by my pushy, sometimes-overbearing mom. Michelaneglo - he says he's had a few LTRs. I've only had one and I'm 29. I don't think it's so odd that he's 40 and never been married. Maybe he's got a lot going for him so he can afford to be picky. I don't think sperm gets old. I mean, look at Tony Randall. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 My sister goes out with a 42 yr old and shes only 19.Most people think that theres something dodgey about it but until you see the way they are together you would think that.The bloke is my friend thats how they met through me.I admit at first i thought it wasnt going to work but they have been together for more than 3 yrs. My mum didnt agree at first but now she loves the bloke. I say dont listen to your mum.Your the one dating the guy.If it doesnt work out im sure she will be the first to say i told you so,but you have to do what you thinks best you cant let everyone live your life for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 As long as his past LTR were not with someone named Bubba,while he was in Prison. I say go for it:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 We had a very "sparky" first date. I never spark with anyone. My mom has said I need to lay off the older men and find someone my own age. My last boyfriend was three years younger than me. Current guy has never been married, no children, he owns a house, car, etc. He's employed, smart, funny and cute. This guy almost sounds to good to be true. I think you'd be an idiot to let this guy go. Especailly if the next couple of dates go good. Do you care what your mother thinks? She'll get over it. If not then she has control issues that don't concern you. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 my cousin married a guy 30 years older than her and I do think they loved each other. However, after a short 10 years together she is now a widow at age 40. His grown children who treated her decently while he was alive are now sniping at her to vacate the home she shared with him and to give it to them. It is hers, free and clear, but they want it. She is across the country from her family and very sad about her husband. She knew it was a day that would come, but the actual experience of the aftermath is quite ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 FYI ~ 411, etc. Women are about ten years older than men ~ in terms of emotional maturity. That is to say, that you as a 29 year old woman are about ten years emotionally mature than you typical 29 year old man, who at 29 is about 10 years less emtionally mature (19) than you are. Of course there are exceptions ~ for both men and women ~ but as a general rule this holds true. Men in the know, look for younger women than themselves, not just because of their physical attributes, but because they "click" with these women on a mental, emotional level. My best relationship to date, was with a gal who was nine years younger than I. Because of that I generally seek out women that are younger than I, but I generally cut it off at the ten year mark. I would say the ideal woman for me would be five to ten years younger than I. And again that has very little to do with sex and phyical attractiveness, its has to do more with "clicking" mentally, emotionally, etc. I've got better things to do than listen to a bunch of BS all of the time. For me this is just general rule of thumb to start out with. And, that's because I know that when it comes to human beings, there aren't any absolutes. Link to post Share on other sites
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