I Dont Wanna Lose Him!!

[Guest]

Wow.. I never ever thought of posting anything on a forum before, but here goes.

 

I live in Maryland. I met my boyfriend last year in Summer 2006. We were taking summer classes and he happened to be there. I noticed him, and he noticed me. I got to know him and he told me that he was moving to New Zealand with his family and to go for college. We didn't feel anything of eachother untill after summer classes and we went out on our first "date". We started dating for the time he would be staying here(he was moving January 2 2007). We hung out with eachother more and more and saw eachother practically everyday. We were in love. Head over heels in love. I mean love love! He spent his entire last week with me. The day before his last day we cried together and he usually does not cry.. He asked me to marry him. As of that point I said yes and now we are engaged to be wed[but not untill college is over of course]. Our plan was for him to come back in a year in November 2007. Within that year in July 2007, we were going to meet eachother half way for a vacation. That would be in Hawaii. That dreaded day came where he had to leave. I was so sad.. I cried for weeks.

 

When he got to New Zealand, he was living with his parents in a city North of where he would be going to college. He would talk to me almost all the time online, or on the phone because he bought phone cards. The thing is, the first month he did not have internet access in his house so he would have to run to the internet cafe. He did everything he could to call me, and I would call him. We talked practically the time. We wrote eachother emails and still acted lovey dovey together and we were still in love.

 

Time passed and it is February 20th. He travels down south to Christchurch where he is attending and living at the University of Canterbury. His first 2 or 3 days we spent time talking the same way to eachother on the phone but he did not have internet until the 3rd day. His room mate I will just call him X is basically a new friend to him that hangs out with him always. X has two girl friends named G and H. The four of them spend a lot of time eachother and lately we dont talk as much as I would like to. We get in many many arguments and he tells me he needs his space and it's hard for him because it's his first week of school. We almost break up and he tells me he has "a life" now and he doesn't want to be sitting cooped up at home to talk to me all day. He has classes he needs to study for, he's living in a new environment that he has to get used to, and he has new friends. He would like to limit our calls to once a day. That is difficult for me because it wasnt a gradual change. It went from many many calls to BAM once a day. It hit me pretty hard. I asked him if he lost any feelings for me that he had and I think because he was angry he said "just a smidge". We talk some more that night and I get him to calm down and I asked that question again. He said no that he still loves me the same way always. He also said that we dont have to always talk because even if he's not talking to me, he will think of me and still love me. He just gets frustrated because I always get mad, that he never does anything right for me[thats what he said], and it's hard for him to have a new life when he worries about me. I get worried because I'm a very insecure person and the further away he is, the more insecure I am. I don't want to lose him to his friends or a new girl or someone.. I trust him that he's he's being faithful but I feel this distance and the less we talk that he's going to wanna give up on our relationship. I'm not used to him leaving me because I used to 70% of the day talking to eachother... so him going out with his friends kinda worry me. I am scared if he gets drunk that he will do things I dont want him to. Last night he called me at 11:20 pm(5:30 pm his time next day) which is the latest that he's called me in a while. I didn't wanna get him aggravated again so I pushed my own feelings aside and talked normally as if it didn't really happen. He did ask me if I was okay now and I told him "I am". I was sitting in a movie and I rushed out to talk to him. I asked him if he still would like to marry me. He said "yes and I'm sure of it". I told him there's a possibility for me to come over this April. He said that he would do backflips off a building if I came and I'd spend my days there with him by his side at the hospital(jokingly of course). We talked of hawaii and ticket prices and stuff. We talked about his day and my day and the whole convo lasted 30 minutes. I think my connection broke or something because he couldnt hear me and I could hear him. So after a minute of me yelling "HELLO?" into the phone.. he said "i'm not sure if you can hear me or not, but I love you" and hung up. Usually he would try calling again because of the connection or at least to say bye or something but he didn't this time. He didn't call me back and I knew he was waiting for dinner and that he went to it. I knew he was going out afterwards since it's Saturday for him. Then all these worrying thoughts came to my mind.

 

I woke up this morning desperately to hear from him but he didn't pick up because I'm sure he is asleep. It's 2:30 Am there. I called but I didn't want to wake up his room mate.

 

Does this sound like a problem at all to you?

Am I obsessing? or worry way too much?

I just feel so lonely and I cry almost all the time.

He used to be the image of a perfect fiance.. well he probably is still but

our relationship is not so perfect anymore.

I dont want his new life to change us is what I'm worried about as well.

new friends? new place of life? so far away.. I can't do anything about it.

What if he stops thinking of me?

 

I can't wait anymore! I have to see him...

tickets to see him costs $2887... thats way too much

for a student at my age. I'm 19.

[Sweetie2007]

Wow.. I never ever thought of posting anything on a forum before, but here goes.

 

I live in Maryland. I met my boyfriend last year in Summer 2006. We were taking summer classes and he happened to be there. I noticed him, and he noticed me. I got to know him and he told me that he was moving to New Zealand with his family and to go for college. We didn't feel anything of eachother untill after summer classes and we went out on our first "date". We started dating for the time he would be staying here(he was moving January 2 2007). We hung out with eachother more and more and saw eachother practically everyday. We were in love. Head over heels in love. I mean love love! He spent his entire last week with me. The day before his last day we cried together and he usually does not cry.. He asked me to marry him. As of that point I said yes and now we are engaged to be wed[but not untill college is over of course]. Our plan was for him to come back in a year in November 2007. Within that year in July 2007, we were going to meet eachother half way for a vacation. That would be in Hawaii. That dreaded day came where he had to leave. I was so sad.. I cried for weeks.

 

When he got to New Zealand, he was living with his parents in a city North of where he would be going to college. He would talk to me almost all the time online, or on the phone because he bought phone cards. The thing is, the first month he did not have internet access in his house so he would have to run to the internet cafe. He did everything he could to call me, and I would call him. We talked practically the time. We wrote eachother emails and still acted lovey dovey together and we were still in love.

 

Time passed and it is February 20th. He travels down south to Christchurch where he is attending and living at the University of Canterbury. His first 2 or 3 days we spent time talking the same way to eachother on the phone but he did not have internet until the 3rd day. His room mate I will just call him X is basically a new friend to him that hangs out with him always. X has two girl friends named G and H. The four of them spend a lot of time eachother and lately we dont talk as much as I would like to. We get in many many arguments and he tells me he needs his space and it's hard for him because it's his first week of school. We almost break up and he tells me he has "a life" now and he doesn't want to be sitting cooped up at home to talk to me all day. He has classes he needs to study for, he's living in a new environment that he has to get used to, and he has new friends. He would like to limit our calls to once a day. That is difficult for me because it wasnt a gradual change. It went from many many calls to BAM once a day. It hit me pretty hard. I asked him if he lost any feelings for me that he had and I think because he was angry he said "just a smidge". We talk some more that night and I get him to calm down and I asked that question again. He said no that he still loves me the same way always. He also said that we dont have to always talk because even if he's not talking to me, he will think of me and still love me. He just gets frustrated because I always get mad, that he never does anything right for me[thats what he said], and it's hard for him to have a new life when he worries about me. I get worried because I'm a very insecure person and the further away he is, the more insecure I am. I don't want to lose him to his friends or a new girl or someone.. I trust him that he's he's being faithful but I feel this distance and the less we talk that he's going to wanna give up on our relationship. I'm not used to him leaving me because I used to 70% of the day talking to eachother... so him going out with his friends kinda worry me. I am scared if he gets drunk that he will do things I dont want him to. Last night he called me at 11:20 pm(5:30 pm his time next day) which is the latest that he's called me in a while. I didn't wanna get him aggravated again so I pushed my own feelings aside and talked normally as if it didn't really happen. He did ask me if I was okay now and I told him "I am". I was sitting in a movie and I rushed out to talk to him. I asked him if he still would like to marry me. He said "yes and I'm sure of it". I told him there's a possibility for me to come over this April. He said that he would do backflips off a building if I came and I'd spend my days there with him by his side at the hospital(jokingly of course). We talked of hawaii and ticket prices and stuff. We talked about his day and my day and the whole convo lasted 30 minutes. I think my connection broke or something because he couldnt hear me and I could hear him. So after a minute of me yelling "HELLO?" into the phone.. he said "i'm not sure if you can hear me or not, but I love you" and hung up. Usually he would try calling again because of the connection or at least to say bye or something but he didn't this time. He didn't call me back and I knew he was waiting for dinner and that he went to it. I knew he was going out afterwards since it's Saturday for him. Then all these worrying thoughts came to my mind.

 

I woke up this morning desperately to hear from him but he didn't pick up because I'm sure he is asleep. It's 2:30 Am there. I called but I didn't want to wake up his room mate.

 

Does this sound like a problem at all to you?

Am I obsessing? or worry way too much?

I just feel so lonely and I cry almost all the time.

He used to be the image of a perfect fiance.. well he probably is still but

our relationship is not so perfect anymore.

I dont want his new life to change us is what I'm worried about as well.

new friends? new place of life? so far away.. I can't do anything about it.

What if he stops thinking of me?

 

I can't wait anymore! I have to see him...

tickets to see him costs $2887... thats way too much

for a student at my age. I'm 19.

 

My first words of advice, what your feeling is completely normal!!! Just relax, go out with your friends, keep your mind busy, and talk to him whenever he calls you or you call him, whenever both of you have the time. My boyfriend lives in Germany, and me in the USA, and we're both in full time work/school. During the week we mostly send messages, and don't actually get to talk, unless one of us scrafices something to be able to talk (him online at work, me at school, or me staying up extremely late for him, or him for me, exc. you get the picture). On the weekends we talk, discuss whatever needs to be, and just enjoy each other's company. In the 17 months that we were apart, we did grow apart some, we both went out with friends, did our own things, and there were a couple of weeks when we didn't talk at all, but that didn't mean that either of us were unfaithful, and it didn't mean the love was less. It just meant that we were living with an ocean inbetween us, and that spending 90% of our time together wasn't possible.

I think what you need to do is talk to him, figure out what time(s) are good to talk, approx, and then keep yourself busy with your stuff, stuff that makes you happy, when your not talking to him. You'll make it through! You just have to stay strong and be positive.... oh yea, and the more you keep yourself happy in your free time, the more you will see the tears go away. You will adjust to life "alone", but your BF is always with you in your heart, that's what you have to hold on to!!

[BlueEyedSarah]

I don't think there should be anything you should worry about, he seems to sound faithful.

 

The way you will lose him is by doing what your doing by naging him and not giving him the space he needs as he has school, room mates, new friends ect. Showing your insecure, sensative, jealous side of yourself will push him away.

 

Do things yourself by going out with your friends, keep your mind occupied, it helps alot.

 

Also try and find a good time you can both get to talk to each other. That may settle your mind a bit too.

[Trialbyfire]

The harder you try to hold onto him, the further you will push him away. Let him have a life but by the same token, start enjoying your life.

 

We all need time and freedom from the other in any relationship. 'Tis why it's a good thing when couples have friends that they both enjoy being with together and friends of their own. You can't live in each other's pockets.

[4whatItsWorth]

I sort of have the same issue living in UK while my fiance lives in Australia. Our story sounds a lot alike - except I'm the one in uni who wants time for myself! My fiance and I used to talk on internet, phone cards etc all the time but nowadays he's working and I am busy on my own. I know you miss him a lot, and I know what it is like to be extremely worried. But when reading what your fiance did with the phoning and all ( which is what mine did) I can assure you he really loves you if he went through all that.

 

I can tell you though, from experience, you need to praise a guy for every little thing he does most of the time. You might feel mad he didn't call for a while - it doesn't mean he doesn't think about you or love you. (Except if he is like my ex and didn't call for 3 months straight and blamed studies.) If he still does make time to call you - it means he does miss you and he does care.

 

The best way to avoid arguments is to try to avoid getting all worked up before a phone call. Tell him you miss him and you love it when he calls, he will hopefully feel like calling more often than if you're just arguing whenever he does call.

 

I'm sorry that you cry a lot. The problem is that both of your lives will change - you're both young! You won't be the same ppl you are at 19 when you're 25. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing as long as you realize it. I think you should try to focus more on having fun - you're only young once. (and by fun I mean hobbies, movies, friends etc) "Distance only ruins relationships not worth waiting for" - you must both feel strongly for each other if you want to get married - so don't throw the idea away just because your man is discovering uni life!

 

Hope any advice helps. I'm in sorta the same situation so here if you wanna talk!