GreenEyedLady Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on...
puddleofmud Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on... Yeees, devastating is a mere inkling of the reality... the only thing that I would differentiate is that sun has always come out... we just didn't notice at the time. Little Darlin..it's been a long and lonely winter..Little Darlin..it's been years since its been spring... here comes the sun...here comes the sun and I say "it's all right, it's all right...
forbidden fruit Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on... Yeah , life does go on and life goes on because of my wonderful children. I saw my xmm wife today and she said he was sick and I did not even care. I thought he is your problem and then she goes on to tell me how he has been telling her she is no fun and she needs to lighten up. I have told him about her a dozen times and now he is finally standing up to her. So I am happy that he is trying to work on his marriage just as I am doing with mine. We have party on Sunday with the entire block and at first i was worried, but now I don't care wht he does who he flirts with or what he says. However my BF thinks I won't be able to handle it because it is too soon, but I know I will. He has made a choice and unfortunately for him he chose wrong and now he can live with that for the rest of his life. He knew we would truly happy together, but he was a coward and chose the easy way out.. So now Living near him I will serve as a reminder of what he can't have anymore. I have finally seen the light and everyday I think more about the bad way he treated me instead of the good and those times certainly outweigh the latter. Noone should settle for second best.
Meaplus3 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Yeah , life does go on and life goes on because of my wonderful children. I saw my xmm wife today and she said he was sick and I did not even care. I thought he is your problem and then she goes on to tell me how he has been telling her she is no fun and she needs to lighten up. I have told him about her a dozen times and now he is finally standing up to her. So I am happy that he is trying to work on his marriage just as I am doing with mine. We have party on Sunday with the entire block and at first i was worried, but now I don't care wht he does who he flirts with or what he says. However my BF thinks I won't be able to handle it because it is too soon, but I know I will. He has made a choice and unfortunately for him he chose wrong and now he can live with that for the rest of his life. He knew we would truly happy together, but he was a coward and chose the easy way out.. So now Living near him I will serve as a reminder of what he can't have anymore. I have finally seen the light and everyday I think more about the bad way he treated me instead of the good and those times certainly outweigh the latter. Noone should settle for second best. FF, You will be a reminder of what he gave up, bask in that glory my dear. I found this to be helpful for my situation! He knows' full well what he gave up but he gave it up because his first choice is his W and family, I know this all to well and pretty much have it in my face every day! I think of it this way now "If you love something set it free, if it comes's back to you it was meant to be". (((HUGS)))) and best wishes! :) AP:)
kymberann Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 We have no other choice but for life to keep on going! The alternative sucks! PLus I learned the longer I am an xOW, the more strenght I have and the lesspower xmm will ever have on me again! Now that's something worth sticking around for! Best!
Jinxx Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on... Patiently waiting for this to happen.
alphamale Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on... life goes on no matter what happens to any individual or group of individuals...it has to or the race will die out.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 when you end it, it's completely devastating..and then, as more time goes by, it gets easier and easier... And the sun comes out, and life goes on... Judging by the thread category, I will assume that you are referring to a relationship. If so, then you are absolutely right. Now if only we can get the bitter folks to read and understand this.
Freedom Now Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 This is how I see it: Get busy living, or get busy dying. The choice is simple.
ratingsguy Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 FF, You will be a reminder of what he gave up, bask in that glory my dear. I found this to be helpful for my situation! That's a fantastic way to approach a situation like that... especially if you're forced to be around that person for one reason or another (like a work situation). Personally, I would avoid all contact, but if you have to be in the same room with that person from time to time, this is a great mindset to have. Of course it may not be possible if, like in my case, your MW is drop dead beautiful and is constantly being approached by guys.
norajane Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 FF, You will be a reminder of what he gave up, bask in that glory my dear. I found this to be helpful for my situation! He knows' full well what he gave up but he gave it up because his first choice is his W and family, I know this all to well and pretty much have it in my face every day! I think of it this way now "If you love something set it free, if it comes's back to you it was meant to be". (((HUGS)))) and best wishes! :) AP:) And, since he chose to "go back" to his wife and family, then that's what was truly meant to be, not the affair relationship. It's always better, I think, to make that decision for yourself (OW choosing to end an affair), rather than waiting around for someone else to make it for you (him deciding between OW and W). You don't have to wait for someone to make a decision - you have the power to decide what you want or don't want in your life. GEL - I'm glad to hear you are doing well.
frannie Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 And, since he chose to "go back" to his wife and family, then that's what was truly meant to be, not the affair relationship. It's always better, I think, to make that decision for yourself (OW choosing to end an affair), rather than waiting around for someone else to make it for you (him deciding between OW and W). 'meant to be'..? Sounds a little deterministic to me... people make decisions... not 'fate' or 'the Universe' or something or other. At least on a day to day level... That said, I agree with your second para: it is always better to make a decision for oneself, than wait for someone else to make a decision affecting one's own life. As adults, we really need to remember that we have control of our own lives (not somone else's decisions). That's all about knowing which decision is ours... which decision is someone else's. All we, as OW can do, is decide when we have had enough, and how much we're prepared to be involved in an A, and IF we are even prepared to be involved in an A. That's it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 That's all about knowing which decision is ours... which decision is someone else's. All we, as OW can do, is decide when we have had enough, and how much we're prepared to be involved in an A, and IF we are even prepared to be involved in an A. That's it. End result of either is that whether you're an OW, spouse or any counter-party in any relationship, is that you can choose to take action or not. By not taking action, you choose to allow the other person the ability to affect your life.
pricillia Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 In any relationship... when it ends, one hurts more then the other. For me it comes in waves, sometimes I am secure and fine with the fact that it will not go anywhere and I say hmmm why am I doing this to myself, and other times I fall back into what if this or what if that...
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 GEL...I'm glad the sun is back in your life. Thanks...so am I...
torranceshipman Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 And have you ever thought about things this way...we can walk away from the mess of the A, and start over with a great new guy/girl, but the xMM/xMW can't move on like we can...he/she still has to either deal with the fallout of the A, or deal with being with a person (their H/W) who they don't actually WANT to be with anymore, or deal with people looking down on them for their marriage being a bit of a sham/bit of a joke, as a lot of their friends knew about them running around with OW/OM? I.e. they're stuck in a crappy situation, but we're long gone...no wonder they want to keep hold of us AND the W/H! ...and I REALLY don't believe a lot of MM 'choose' their W, they are just too weak (or afraid, or whatever) to take actual direct action, thus the W stays in the picture by default. And that's probably why so many A's either go on for a LONG time, or the OW/OM ends it because they, unlike the MM, are actually capable of taking decisive action!!
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