crimson k. Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 My ex girlfriend cheated on me with a guy from her work recently. She is one of those girls that if there is something lacking in the relationship she’ll not feel “loved” and she began looking elsewhere. She cheated on her boyfriend before me twice because of he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. Also, she is an attention seeker where she fakes being sick so people can be all over her, and she is very insecure(also, she even began “seeing” ghosts). She even told me that she has always had a boyfriend for the past five years. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]She would ask me why I loved her every now and then even though I clearly showed it by telling her verbally, and through my actions. I always knew in the back of my mind that if I wasn’t good enough for her she would leave me, and she would always promise me that she wouldn’t. Right after we broke up, I wanted to take her back, but to my surprise she insisted that she didn’t want to(was confused). Then I figured out she had been talking to this guy at her work that knew her from the past and he became her boyfriend within one month. I found out that they go out all the time and are all over each other(kissing). I also know that when she finds out the flaws in this guy she will become distraught from him and look for someone else, I just know it. Also, I was the best boyfriend she ever had in her whole life because I put her on a big pedestal(did so many special things together) I have a couple of questions, did she most likely leave me because she has a history of cheating and because she was selfish and didn’t consider my feelings(maybe wanted to feel new love)? Also, what happens to girls like that who stay with their bf for about a year then quickly find a new guy every so often and automatically start having a good times with them, ie. Kissing, holding hands, eventually sex to feel that she’s loved? What kind of problem does she have?(psychological condition) Right now, she tries to act like I never existed and she didn’t even tell me she was cheating. I found out on my own. Also, may she realize what she lost was really good when the good times end with her new boyfriend and perhaps may want to talk to me again or will she keep leaching off of a new guy in a never ending cycle? What kind of problem is that attention seeker thing she had going on too?(seeing ghosts, faking being sick). How bad her was her insecurity? Could she be thinking about me while out with this guy as in comparing the things I did for her (she always told me I was the most romantic guy ever)? I dropped all contact with her when I found out she went out on a date with him. Thanks for any replies, just trying to understand things better
Davis Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Crimson. Be glad you're done!! What's to understand? She's totally fckd up. The why doesn't really matter. She has some more serious problems than seeking attention. She will continue this pattern over and over unless she gets a few solid years of therapy and then who knows. It doesn't matter how you compare or if you were the best guy in the world. She would cheat on Brad Pitt. I can tell you from recent experience she won't change. My ex is 34 and still doing the same cheating and jumping from guy to guy routine. You did nothing wrong and you could have done everyting right. Your ex is just damaged goods. It may be tough to see and understand right now, but thank your lucky stars you're done! Stop thinking about "why" and "if" she'll ever change and find a good one!!
oppath Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Crimson, you did nothing wrong. People who have a history of cheating, or who jump from relationship to relationship with no time in between generally have issues, ranging from codependency to low self esteem and a lack of independence. Most of their relationships are shallow, and ultimately, they treat their partners poorly. They will stay with someone who they know is not right for them out of convenience, because it is more fun to have someone than no-one. They often line up the next person in advance. Be wary of and woman who has never been single. Following the demise of an intimate relationship, most people generally need a couple months to heal before dating. Not always, but generally. Then it takes several months of meeting new people and casual dating before being ready for someone else. Again, not always, but generally. Most peoople don't enter new, lasting relationships for 6 months to 2 years following the demise of an intimate relationship. They take time for themselves to heal and better their self. This doesn't mean you can't meet someone the next day and have them be the love of your life, but no one is so lucky as to always meet someone they share an intimate connection with over and over. Be glad she is gone. The qualities you displayed will thrill another woman and lead you to fulfillment. Cut this woman from your life. Focus on you right now. She has issues. She has problems. She lacks integrity. You did nothing wrong. You are caring, loving, generous, respectful, and possess integrity. Those qualities will lead you to happiness so while right now you feel pain, it will pass.
Davis Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Crimson, you did nothing wrong. People who have a history of cheating, or who jump from relationship to relationship with no time in between generally have issues, ranging from codependency to low self esteem and a lack of independence. Most of their relationships are shallow, and ultimately, they treat their partners poorly. They will stay with someone who they know is not right for them out of convenience, because it is more fun to have someone than no-one. They often line up the next person in advance. Be wary of and woman who has never been single. Following the demise of an intimate relationship, most people generally need a couple months to heal before dating. Not always, but generally. Then it takes several months of meeting new people and casual dating before being ready for someone else. Again, not always, but generally. Most peoople don't enter new, lasting relationships for 6 months to 2 years following the demise of an intimate relationship. They take time for themselves to heal and better their self. Hey Oppath, well said! That made me rethink the situation about my ex too because she is just the way you describe. She's a cheater and a jumper for the reasons you said and because they have difficulty with intimate relationships. It's always good to read someone else's perception in black and white. That second part of your post sounds like you and me (and NorCal). None of us are ready or very willing to get into another relationship after a few months. It makes me wonder how my ex could jump from an intimate relationship with me and then to "Mr. Chemistry" before her coochie was even dried out! Hard to imagine it will work out with him, we'll see. Crimson. You'll continue to get some good advice on here from some very experienced members. Remember what my signature says "someday someone will walk into your life and understand why it never worked out with anyone else"!!
oppath Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 One reason that second part is true for me is because I don't date someone for more than a month if I know it won't work out. Even if I'm not looking for a relationship, and they are cool with that, I'll end it, to free both of us to find someone else if our desires change. Many people hold on to relationships wanting something different to come along. This is cruel. As soon as you know someone is not the one for you, let them free. Even FWB arrangements often prevent people from living the vibrant social life they otherwise would and have opportunitiy costs. Also, most people have times in their life when they want to focus on career, fitness, or just making friends! Healthy people will have periods of their life when they have little interest in dating REGARDLESS of baggage and pain from a previous relationship. Working on yourself is attractive.
contemplater Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I'm just going to be brutally honest with you because that's what I needed when my ex broke up with me. There's no use in trying to figure out why she is the way she is or whether she'll wise up and realize what she has lost because frankly she killed the relationship by cheating and since then she has moved on to another guy. Things are over. Also you should acknowledge that she has many personal issues/flaws to overcome before she could be even be capable of treating you the way you deserve. So basically, at this point, she can't offer you what your heart desires, there's nothing you can do to convince her of your feelings and the error of her ways, and thus there's no lasting future, nothing worth saving, between you and her. Changing her is out of your control, but changing yourself and finding someone better is possible. Instead of thinking about her motives, you should be focusing on what your experiences with her have taught you about yourself: how you handled things, what things you want and DON'T want in a future partner, and how you're going to heal and move on. One other thing: I was the best boyfriend she ever had in her whole life because I put her on a big pedestal(did so many special things together) I think generally it's not a good idea to put a girl on a pedestal, especially not a big pedestal. Although you might think putting her in that position makes her feel special, it also begs her to look down on you.
Author crimson k. Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Oppath, you hit the target about some girls having the next guy lined up. This guy was talking to her at her work on Thursday nights while we were together, she never told me. She continued to have sex with me, kiss me and we went out together. I never suspected a thing, except she had been backtalking me more in the past 2 months. Soon as we werent together anymore, she said things like "i need my space" "im confused" "i dont want to get close to you" I knew something was wrong. one week after the break up she went out with the guy and i asked for all of my things back...stuffed animals, 1000 love letters(seriously) anything else i gave her. I made no contact with her, its been a week. I heard from my cousin shes having a blast, he told me that she left me because she wasnt free to do what she wanted.(her mom is like that where she does whatever the hell she wants, goes to bars, casinos whether her dad likes it or not). THe main thing i want is for her to realize some day that im the best bf she ever had because her past bf were crap to her, used her for money and sex. Also, i would like for her to comeback after this new guy pulls out his nails and then I would refuse to take her back and just be a distant friend to show her that she lost me. Thanks Dave and Contemplator for the replies, its good that her selfish being is out of my life. She will most likely end up with the wrong guys and get hurt. I will think about what you two have said.
Davis Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 THe main thing i want is for her to realize some day that im the best bf she ever had because her past bf were crap to her, used her for money and sex. Also, i would like for her to comeback after this new guy pulls out his nails and then I would refuse to take her back and just be a distant friend to show her that she lost me. Contemplator. I don't think that was too brutal, just honest. Good points. Crimson. Bro, that's just your ego talking. To her you may not have been the best bf she ever had. She may think of you as a doormat. Sorry. Plus, you know she's a messed up girl, so she may not realize anything that's good for her. Regardless, as we've all told you here, it really doesn't matter. The fact is she is dysfunctional and she is gone and you're better off. At the beginning of your post you're still trying to excuse/justify/rationalize her behavior and "why" she left you. Stop it. You need to get off the "why" and "what if" ride focus on yourself, plan on meeting a nice girl and move on with your life.
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