MadandConfused Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 My husband and I have been together 8 years, married 3. We've had issues with him talking inappropriately with women on the internet, but that issue has not come up in the past year or two. Well, since then, he has met a friend, a single guy, and they hang out a lot. The friend tried to get my husband to get him together with girls he knows or girls they happen to meet while they are out (I don't agree with this either, but that's not the point at the moment). So, his friend will give out my husband's phone number because he just wants to sleep with the girls, he doesn't want a relationship. So, my husband ends up talking to these girls for his friend. They both are aware that I don't like this but don't understand why. I've found out from cell phone records about the above activity. When I looked at the records over the weekend, my husband had talked to someone at a withheld/unlisted number for over 2 hours in the past week (anwywhere between 10 minutes or even 45 minutes at a time). My pessimistic attitude and experience from the past has me assuming that this is a woman. When I casually mentioned to my husband that I noticed he had been talking on his cell phone alot (trying to appear like I wasn't suspicious or anything) he just said "he's a popular guy." These phone calls always take place when I am not arround (when I'm not at home, when he's on his way from work, etc.). I've mistakenly yelled at my husband in the past because I was paranoid about him talking to someone that truly turned out to be a friend and I know he gets mad for being falsely accused...again, I have the suspicion about this phone number that he's been talking to, but I can't find out who it is because the number is blocked...he has been acting normally, very loving and attentive, no suspicious bank account activity, he hasn't gone anywhere unusual, etc.) Am I just overly paranoid or do I have a right to be suspicious? Help!!
JadeStar Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Yes, I think you have a right to be concerned. This is why its not always the best idea for a marraied person and a single person to be friends, and hang out alot. Especially if your marriage has some vulnerabilty going on or problems to begin with, hanging out with a single friend who likes the ladies, will probably have some influence over your husband, and it seems it did. I think you need to put your foot down and bring to your husbands attention that his friend, isn't really a friend, if he is giving out your husbands number when he is married. His friend thinks nothing of himself, or your husband as a friend, he is just interested in having a buddy to get girls with. You need to make it clear to your husband him spending time with this friend is causing problems. I also suggest marraige counseling ASAP for you both. If your husband wants to really work on the marraige he needs to drop this so called friend and fast. Hopefully if you all go to counseling it will help get your marriage back on track.
jmargel Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 There's a problem when he can't talk with these girls in front of you. If it bothers you, he should stop, period. Sounds like he is having an affair on you and his friend is covering for him. Personally I would never cover for a friend like that, just because he wants to get laid. Why should I take all that baggage and talk with these girls? Sounds like you husband has a true interest in them. If he says your 'paranoid' or 'crazy' then it's almost a definite he's having an affair. My wife had me just about convinced before the truth was finally revealed.
PandorasBox Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I do think your husband has been influenced by this friend, BUT, even though his friend may be an influence, it is your husband CHOICE to be in contact with these girls. I say, you need to make it known to him, that not only is this friend unacceptable, but so is your husbands actions, and for the sake of your marriage you feel you all should enter into some kind of counseling soon.
SadrBtWizr Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 As his wife, you have the right to his emotional and sexual exclusivity. This is the agreement people make when they get married. He is ignoring this. You have the right to enforce it. I have to agree MC seems like the best bet.
Seen_It_All Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Mad, I'm calling BULLSH*T on this feeble story of your H's. Your H claims that his "buddy" is giving out his number so he can charm these girls on the phone - and ALL THAT WORK just so said buddy can move in for the kill? My, how philanthropic of your H to spend HOURS on the phone working these women, laying the groundwork, and making them feel spcial - ALL so his buddy can get laid. BULL. Quite honestly, it sounds like a LAME excuse your H made up so he can spend time talking to women on the phone and have an excuse for all the phone calls on his cell phone bill. Please. That is absolutely ludicrous that a grown man supposedly refuses to talk to women on the phone and has to have his married buddy do it FOR him. I don't think I've ever heard anything more ridiculous than that. I think your husband is working an angle, alright. But NOT for his buddy.
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