4whatItsWorth Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Like most of you present in this forum, my mother was the OW when she met my father. I want to tell her story in hope that you won't make her mistake. My mom met my dad when she moved abroad to find work. She ended up working in the same building, and my dad immediately started putting his arm around her shoulder and make "friendly" moves on her whenever he could. At first she avoided him, knowing he was a married man. But in the end she started to feel for him and they began an affair. My dad's first W could not get pregnant, so he was trying to "get rid off her". Or so he told my mom. He would see my mom occasionally when his W was not around. He would tell his W how much he loved her and that they were going to fertility clinics to have a child together. What his W didn't know is he slept with my mom on the side. My dad left his first W of 7 years about two years later, by leaving a note on her bed telling her to never contact him again. Dad divorced his first W. My mom once contacted her and was told the W's story. You would think they lived "happily" ever after now? I know this is what all you OW believe will happen to you. But hear the rest of the story. Five years ago my dad started seeing a co-worker behind my mom's back. She was "just a friend". I'm sure you all are "just a friend" to the MW. The A went on until my dad a year ago left my mom after nearly 20 years of marriage. He left her the same way he left his first W - leaving a letter on the bed with divorce papers and told her never to contact him again. My mom was devastated and told me the very same night, that she never ever thought that my dad would do to her what he did to his first W. She said "I thought he'd never ever do it to me too." I guess what I hope you will learn, even if you will not feel sorry for my mother or think it's her own fault, that if a man can cheat on his W to be with you - trust me, he can do the very same to you too. My dad is not a bad man. I don't think your MM are bad men. But I wish you would re-consider being the OW because even though you might get what you want in years to come - how can you ever trust a man who finds it OK to lie and cheat? I will never understand. Also, for people with children involved - I do believe MM stay for the children. My dad stayed until I was 19. Because he could not bear to be without his daughter. So, for people saying MM do not stay for the children, that it is a bad excuse - it is not always. So, I am not defending anybody here. Or bashing. But if you'd like to hear the point of view from a grown up child who had parents who were the OM and OW then I hope my tread was hopeful or whatever. I just had to share the story.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Wow. Great post, 4Whatitsworth. Really great to have a childs perspective on here. Welcome to LS.
Motor35 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Yes! Agreed! Great post. I am sorry for how he wrecked your mom's spirit.
noforgiveness Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 wow what a story. Thanks for sharing it. What has this done to your relationship with your dad? How old is his new OW?
NoIDidn't Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Wow. Great post, 4Whatitsworth. Really great to have a childs perspective on here. Welcome to LS. I think it was great that 4whatitsworth shared her story. She joins many of us children who have already posted such on this board, but maybe it doesn't get through because we are regular posters. Hope you plan to hang around, 4whatitsworth.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Sorry NoIdidn't, I didn't realise you had things in common with this thread. I am relatively new here, and hers is the first such story I have read. But I do enjoy your take on things.
puddleofmud Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Thank you kindly for your post. You are to be admired about your honesty and for your strong heart. I wish you the best in your life and that you find all that is wonderful for you.
4whatItsWorth Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 wow what a story. Thanks for sharing it. What has this done to your relationship with your dad? How old is his new OW? First of all, thanks for all the kind words. Well, he's still my dad after all. I have been extremely torn though, because I was left alone with my mom when dad decided to leave. He let me understand it was a mutual decision - when my mom knew nothing. She was visiting a friend abroad when he left, he texted her saying "Do not contact me again" and blocked all her calls. Basically, I feel like my dad has kind of shown me that he thinks it is "OK" to do this to somebody. It makes me wonder if a man did it to me - would my dad think it was alright or would he actually see/realise the hurtful actions? I still have not met the other woman. But my dad is keeping her a "secret" from me while my brother knows everything - my father even wants him to meet her. He thinks I have no clue about this woman. Part of me wants to meet her and ask her why she had to go pick a married man, but I am worried all I will feel is hatred. My father kind of broke my heart when he broke my mom's. He was my biggest support, but I feel like he has cheated on me as well as my mother. And he still kind of does by pretending he is not seeing anybody else. I think forgiveness will be difficult. Or at least understanding will be. Again, thank you for all your kind words.
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