Forget or go on?

[Jeros]

OK, I'm totally new on this forum but have been reading it for a couple of days now trying to learn some things. I've already seen all the interview movies with Blase Harris but haven't read his book nor ordered it.

 

Let's start of with explaning the situation what happened to me.

 

On the 1st of February I made the stupid mistake of breaking up with my GF whom I was with for nearly 3,5 years. We had a wonderfull time but the last couple of months we struggled a bit. We both play an MMORPG for about 1,5 year now which sometimes caused some arguing but nothing we really fought about. At the 7th of January I gave up smoking but she continued smoking but it didn't matter to me. I did tease her sometimes that her smoking smelled bad but never complained about it.

 

The last few weeks before I broke up with her I have been lonely at work. The work is boring (thank god it's only temporary job), collegeau's barely talk to anyone and I had my lunch alone. This made me think about if I should be happy with someone else or not. I was also kinda stressed for the fact that I needed to look for a new job, family at home very cranky lately and the family at my GF's place aswell.

 

I had concidered to breakup with her a few days earlier but on that very same evening she came to my place with the huge card which said that she loved me so much and that I was all wonderfull and stuff. I decided to postpone the breakup to a few days later.

 

Now it's been over a month now and I figured out about 2,5 week ago that I'm willing to give the world to get her back and that I have made the biggest mistake in my life.

 

We decided that we would meet at the 11th of February to give back some belongings of one another but eventually I chickened out because I was scared of what was to happen. I knew I missed something in my life because we were together nearly every day but I didn't know for sure if I missed someone in my life or that I really missed her. We kept contact through MSN and the chat function of the MMORPG but every time we ended up in a fight and either one of us logged off.

 

Slowly I started to realise that it was her that I miss in my life and that I now was on a conquest to get her back. So on the 14th of February (Valentine's day) I send a txt message that I was willing to move on with her. She contacted me later on that day through the MMORPG and told me that she didn't know if she should take me back or not. She told me that some of her friends and her sister (who dislikes me) told her that she shouldn't take me back but I know that she still loves me.

 

On the 16th of February she went to a party with some friends of her and she got kinda drunk. She told me that during that evening she cried a lot and told everyone around her that she wanted to be with me.

 

3 days later she went on a vacation (which I was supposed to be on too if I hadn't broken up ) and I went to a friend of mine where I would stay for a week. Those days I realised that I wasted so much time on the MMORPG while I could have been with her and barely played the game eversince. I was really sad those days and cried loads eventho I was with friends of mine. On the 21th I decided to start writing a letter to her which I would let her read once we would meet again. Then on friday the 23th I decided to call her because I couldn't handle it anymore. I was missing her so much that I wanted to hear her voice again which I hadn't heared for about 2 weeks or so. We talked to eachother for about 45 mins and then hung up again. It felt ok to have heard her again but half a day later I was a complete mess again.

 

Saturday I went to the shop and bought her a nice card which said "LOVE to be with you..." and on the inside I finished it with "Forever! Date me please. XxXxXx Your 'silent' admirerer" and a small gift (a Keyring with a Teddybear holding a heart). I was planning in putting this in her mailbox before she would get back home. I decided not to because I wanted to see her face when she would open them.

 

On Sunday I called her again in the morning because I was missing her again so much and even called her again the same day in the evening. I asked her if she wanted to go out on a dinner with me on Monday (the day she would return from her vacation) but she declined because she wasn't sure yet if we should meet or not.

 

So on Monday I went to my work (already feeling kinda sick) but went home after half a day because I didn't feel to well. Then all of a sudden I got a text message from her that she was back home. I didn't know what to do with it so I didn't reply. 5 mins later she called me and asked if she could drop by to exchange the stuff we still had from eachother. I said it would be ok since I was sick at home anyway. When she came by I was really pleased to see her again after 3,5 week of not seeing eachother. I hugged her right away and touched her skin tenderly.

 

We went to my room and started to sort out eachothers belongings. We cuddled a bit in the meanwhile. I gave her the present and the card and after she read the card she said that maybe it was best if we wouldn't date eachother yet. We read eachothers letters and eventually went to her place cause she was on her bike and had more to take home then she could carry. So I offered her to follow her with my car and that I would take along the stuff so she wouldn't have a hard time cycling home. When we arrived at her place we had a drink and when her sister and father came home we said goodbye. Well the goodbye was the most horrible thing that happened to me that day. We hugged eachother and both had a hard time letting go but eventually we had to let go of eachother. I wanted to kiss her but I was afraid that she would slap me in the face for doing so. We waved goodbye to eachother (she from inside her house and me from my car) and I drove home for dinner.

 

That evening and the next day after that I cried my eyes out for the loss I had suffered. My parents supporting me a bit but they weren't able to cheer me up. Eventually I started to play the MMORPG again to talk with some friends I made and eventually helped my ex-GF out because she needed some help with the game. That already gave me a good feeling tho that I had doing something right without any selfish thoughts but just to be there for her (even if it were in a game).

 

The day after that I helped her again in the game and it pleased me again (the only reason I started playing was in the hope I could help her out again). The fact of being with her (eventho it was virtually) was already a pleasant feeling.

 

Now this morning she logged on to MSN (about 30 mins ago) and we we're able to have a decent talk. I asked her if I was allowed to join her on her visit to an elder woman who she stays the night with in the weekends (the woman is afraid to sleep alone in her house) but when she said that she didn't want me to and needed some rest I accepted it and told her that I was willing to give her the time and rest she wanted.

 

She asked me to wait more and see what turns out to become of us. She said that she doesn't want to get back with me at the moment but doesn't know what the future holds thus meaning she ain't saying that we'll never be together again.

 

I really like the contact I have with her from time to time and she says that every time we talked a bit that her feeling says she wants to be with me again. She just doesn't know if it's the right thing to do with her.

 

So what do you people suggest? I have the feeling I still have a chance with her. Should I give up on her or should I try to keep in touch with her a bit and give her time and space? Please comment your thoughts.

 

P.S. If my English ain't perfect that might be because I'm from the Netherlands (Europe) and English ain't my main language. I'm just trying to be as clear as possible.

 

Thank you for reading this long post.

[sb129]

MMORPG? Please explain.

[Jeros]

MMORPG? Please explain.

 

Mass Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (World of Warcraft).

[sb129]

Sorry to hear about your problems.

 

It sounds like she has asked you to give her some time and space, so thats what you need to do right now.

 

Hassling her isn't going to get her back.

 

Take a couple of weeks of either no contact, or very restricted contact. maybe you could say to her "Ok, I will respect your wishes and give you some space. I won't contact you, why don't you give me a call when you feel ready to talk."

 

In the meantime, try to do some things for yourself.

 

This will achieve a few things

1) it lets your GF know that you do respect her, and it stops you pestering her, which won't win her back.

2) it prepares you to move on with your life if you don't get back together (and you need to prepare for that possibility)

 

I would also try and stay away from the games that you both play, because the temptation to contact her will be too great.

 

I hope it works out.

[Jeros]

I would also try and stay away from the games that you both play, because the temptation to contact her will be too great.

 

Well it's one of the ways to keep myself occupied in my free time. I already noticed that I can manage not to contact her while we are both playing it. I just want to be there for her in case she needs my help.

[sb129]

Thats very noble, but right now she has asked that you give her space. Which suggests that she doesn't need your help right now.

 

Not being harsh... if you think you can play without contacting her then fine.

Good luck

[Carl321]

Do EXACTLY what she has asked. Give her space--let her contact you, and be upbeat and happy to hear from her when she does call. Do not get into serious, relationship "where do we stand" talk--that is only going to pressure her and make her less willing to contact you again. Let her bring that topic up if she wants to. Allow her come to you for a while--i have no doubt that she will as long as you play it cool. Not to say that she will come back to you if you do as she asks, but you will certainly blow it if you do not respect her wishes.

[Jeros]

I thought I'd give you all a small update. Since the chat I had with her on Friday morning I went to complete NC from my side. I was surprised by the amount of times that she contacted me and her good will to help me out even without me asking.

 

She also even speaks to me about some of the frustrations she had with a friend of hers. It feels for me as this is going into the right direction altho i'm still gonna stay on the NC and not gonna ask her out or anything.

 

All the contact is through the game we both play I rather have some contact with her (initiated by her) then no contact at all since it makes me feel good.

 

I'll try to keep you updated once every few days or so.

[Jeros]

Another update again. Ever since I made my last post I haven't heard a single word from her. I've been busy making preperations for a party tho which is upcoming Saturday so haven't been playing the game we both play much.

 

I know she plays the game alot lately which means that she isn't seeing anyone else.

 

Problem is tho that she'll (probably) have her birthday party at the 17th of March and if she does I'm most likely invited. I just don't have a clue what I should buy for her. I know that love gift won't be appriciated at the moment but I want to get her some sort of gift that she'll remember me by. Also I'm walking around with the thought of "What if she gives a party but doesn't invite me?"

 

I'm just a bit scared of what to do if I don't see her or speak with her before the party. I can't ignore her because it's her birthday party but I don't want to screw her party by being depressed if she gives me the cold shoulder when we see eachother again on the party.

 

Someone advice me a bit please.

[Jeros]

Time for another update.

 

Last monday she told me (after a while of not hearing anything from her) that she has a date on saturday with a guy she knows from the game she plays. She says it's just a fun date and that she's not into starting a relationship with him (for the time being?) but that she does like him.

 

I also found out that she won't be giving a birthday party this year so at least that problem is gone (altho it will only be longer before I see her again).

 

Today I spoke to her to congratulate her with her birthday and we found out that there are still several things we need to sort out.

 

Please post your thoughts on where I stand cause I do not have the guts to ask her.