Guest Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 This might be a bit unorthodox as far as these problems go... but I'd appreciate some advice... I feel like I'm acting a bit psychotic over here... I met this incredible girl in NYC this summer while working there... unbelievable chemistry, conversation, like nothing I had experience since my last relationship had ended two years earlier. The problem was that I had to leave for grad school in England, a year-long program, a month from then. We spent most of the following month together when we weren't at our jobs... we agreed to date long-distance, which may have been a mistake, but she seemed so strongly bent on being with me... she even said I could date other women, she just wanted to be part of my life. She visited me about once a month in England for the first six months, we talked on the phone and emailed every day, I went with her and her family on a ski trip in december. She talked about me being the sort of guy that she could marry... I felt similarly. We planned on being together the following summer and hopefully living in nearby cities (she was already based in one I wasn't sure I could find a job in). Then, when I came back for my second term in January, a close friend of mine died. I got really depressed. Isolated. Clingy. She was busy finishing her senior year of college, being with her friends, writing her thesis, and she didn't call me for two days... I tried to reach her and she said she would call me in a day or two... I flipped out. Wrote her a nasty email. Went out and got drunk. Didn't respond to her calls or texts. The next day, she said that we had to break up. That we could talk, email, see each other the following summer and maybe talk about where things could go, but for now, the relationship was done. I accepted. I know the NC stuff... I played it cool... she called two weeks later and told me how much she loved me, how hot she thought I was... all that stuff. And then she tells me that she's going surfing this weekend with some guy. Going on spring break with him. Went out to Valentine's dinner with him. But says it's completely platonic. I flip out again. Pretty badly. Send her some bad emails. She calls me a week ago and tells me never to call her or email her again. That it's over for good. I just want to explain things again to her. Fix it. I really still think she's such a wonderful girl, and I want it to work, and I'm scared if I don't talk to her, I'll lose her forever. Though so far, talking to her seems to push her away more and more each time. What should I do? Can I send her a postcard in a month? Should I just wait til I get back to the States in June or July? Will that be too late?
Carl321 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 At this point i think NC is your only option. You see yourself that your efforts to contact her are pushing her away--the more you pursue and pressure her, the more she will run away. She certainly still has feelings for you--they are not going to go away overnight--but you are going to make it that much easier for her to walk away from you forever by being the desperate ex. No woman will be attracted to you in that state. Cut off all contact. She probably is not telling you everything about this other dude, but you have to let her figure things out on her own. She is not going to forget about you. Women do not forget that easily. That is not to say that she will come back to you either, but i guarantee there is at least some comparison of you with this other guy going on in her mind right now. The more pathetic you appear to her by continuing to hound her like this, the less favorable for you that comparison becomes. Drop off the face of the earth and let her experience life without you.
Recommended Posts