broken heart25 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 So I have been with my boyfriend for 6+ yrs. Every year he breaks up with me telling me something new. He needs to find himself, he can't love me the way i deserve to be loved etc....In '05 he proposed to me (after another break up) I said yes thinking that he really wanted to do this. He is very impulsive so I told him we can get engaged but we can start making preps until 2006. He was into the wedding planning, picking out colors, halls, photographers etc....I thought things were okay. Like every couple we would fight. We moved in w/each other in dec. 05. He was a very cold person when I met him. It took him 4 years to tell me that he loved me. I accepted it because I love him. I have bent over backwards for him. He started becoming more affectionate and telling me he loves me in 05 (after 4 yrs of being together) I have been patient and understanding. I just don't understand. Like any couple we have had pre wedding jitters, but the other day (when I went to work) he packed all of his stuff and left.....He was waiting for me and he told me "he is not ready for marraige and that he doesn't love himself and that he can't love me the way I deserved to be loved" His family and my family are upset at his decision because we have been engaged for 1 1/2 yrs and the wedding is 6 months away. Everyone was looking forward to our wedding. I have lost thousands of dollars because the wedding expenses have been paid for. He claims he has spoken to some of his friends who are married along with some of his non-married friends. He claims some people think he is too young to get married (he is 28 and I am 25) He also said that some people say we have broken up two many times to get married (again, he has broken up with me 5 times....this makes 6) what do you guys think? Pre wedding jitters or what?
Trialbyfire Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I'm sad for you. He appears to either be reaching for straws/excuses by saying other people are saying...or...he's honestly that insecure. At 28, he shouldn't be worried about other peoples' opinions. My take would be that he's a high risk candidate for flight even if you two get married. I'm not certain if you aren't better off without him until he's settled down more. You sound like a person who's consistent and looks to the future which is opposite what he appears to be. Btw, you might want to look at the quote in my signature.
Author broken heart25 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 I am so devestated. Some people tell me to give him time and let him get his thoughts together. Others say he will leave again. He never expressed to me that he was unhappy. I cancelled the contracts with our vendors for our wedding. They also needed confirmation from him....he called and verified with them that we have cancelled our wedding. I am so sad. I know that I will probably meet someone else but I can't figure out what went wrong.
Trialbyfire Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I don't think anything went wrong, at least on your side. Sometimes people just aren't ready to commit and there's nothing you could have done to have changed this. It was his problem, not yours, although you are having to deal with the consequences of his actions. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Try not to internalize it and if need be, get angry with him for being flighty.
Author broken heart25 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Wow, you really offer great advice (I appreciate it)...if he had a change of heart and you were me, would you consider reconciling?
Trialbyfire Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Glad I could help. In all honesty, probably not because he's unsettled and inconsistent. A guy who keeps running away appears to be a very high risk candidate to break your heart again.
Author broken heart25 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Hi there again....I changed my phone number in an effort to maintain no contact, what do you think? Also He left some of his electronics behind at the house. He said I should keep them....Is he confused? I sure am. Obviously I love him and I would like to give him time to do whatever he needs to do to better himself....I feel like a fool for even thinking that but I can't help it....I should just let it go right....even if he attempts to try to come back in a few months? Do you believe that if you love something and let it go if it returns back to you then it was meant for you? I had a previous relationship and the guy came back a few yrs later and basically professed his love for me and I am not interested (esp b/c we dated a few months) but like I was saying, do you believe in fate? I know....tons of questions.....I am still in shock....it happened last week thursday
Carl321 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Think about it--this guy broke up with you 5 times previously, and you took him back every time. But it never prevented him from leaving you again. Trial is dead on, marriage will not magically cause this tendency of his to disappear, it will just make it more messy when he decides for the 7th time to leave you. This guy seems very selfish to me--going back and forth on you cause he can't make up his mind, putting you through the emotional ringer in the process. Someone who selflessly loves you would not want to torture you time and again like this.
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