robart22 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I am 'engaged' to this woman (J) and I am so so confused and lost. We had worked together for about 3 years and there wasn't much of a spark; at least that I was aware of. Flash forward to December of 06 and we hook up at a party. We spent only 2 days together before I left for a 1.5 week trip. During my travels we talk over phone and texting. In that very short time of 1.5 weeks, she asked me to move in with her and tells me that she loves me; and always had. For New Years, I had planned a trip to see friend in NoCal. She pretty much invited herself along and ended up joining me. It was fun and exciting, as new loves are. She wanted to share a 'promise' ceremony with me on the trip. We browsed 'promise rings' and planned a little excursion. During this excursion, i presented her with my word that I was exclusive with her and offered my promise...out of nowhere she claims that she is disappointed because she though I was going to ask her to marry me. Of course, i folded and said will you marry me about 3 days later. Then the flood of "when are we getting married" and "i want to have a baby" and "i'm telling everyone we are engaged" came from her. I felt completely pressured! And lost! Just about 3 weeks into this I notice some odd behavior from her. I walked in and she was balling (red-face and crying deeply) while talking on the phone. I sat down and asked what was wrong. She made up this whole story that she was talking to a friend that she ran into a few weeks back; and that she was telling them about this stalker she had and about how happy she was with me. i didn't believe her so I eventually checked her phone log and a prior boyfriend was who she was talking to. I didn't confront her with what I knew at first. instead i asked her to tell me more about the call. The fabricated story got more and more elaborate until i broke the truth. She immediatly got defensive and left the house. This went on for 4 more lies about different things. I found out that she was talking to this guy and others more often and also, the kicker, addicted to pain pills. She says she gets migrains and needed these pills. She had empty bottles, 10 or more, scattered throughout her car and purse. All from her doctors and friends. She even came to me asking to get her perscriptions; which i declined. when i confronted her with this issue she denied ever having all these pills and gave me another elobrate story; until i broke the truth again. I have had to find her several times. She would leave and go get a hotel or park her car on the street and take pills until she was a zombie. I had to stay awake multiple nights to make sure she is ok. Flashing forward 4 more weeks, she said she has stopped the pain pills, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills and so on... I just do not trust her at all! After many fights and sleepless nights we arrive at present day. Feeling somewhat safe and secure and trusting. I bring up the baby topic. I asked her to share that we are trying for a baby with her family; I wanted to understand how she felt. She is now very stand-offish and says she is very nervous about having a baby. i then backed down and told her that this comment concerned me. I asked why she felt this way and she blew up into this huge fighting match. She says that I don't love her and never have. she says that she is the one trying so hard for us. She claims that i have broken her heart and i am the one that doesn't want this. Even tonight, she is mad at me, telling me that she loves me and that I am the one that wants out of this. She says that leaving is not want she wants and is setting me free because it's what i want. Am i blind, dumb, stupid? please help me make sense of any of this? your insight and experiences will be very helpful and greatly appreciated.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Feeling somewhat safe and secure and trusting. I bring up the baby topic. I asked her to share that we are trying for a baby with her family; I wanted to understand how she felt. She is now very stand-offish and says she is very nervous about having a baby. Why in the world would you want to place a child into the middle of this mess? Let's see - Her - Lying, cheating, pain-pill addicted, manic depressive You - Clueless, easily manipulated, co-dependent Your solution, after stating "I just do not trust her at all!", is to father a child with her? I just don't get it... Mr. Lucky
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