Author forbidden fruit Posted March 11, 2007 Author Posted March 11, 2007 If you let him know how much he has hurt you it is just another pat on the back for him. The best revenge is living well - it really, really, is. You don't have to smile across the street. Just think how you treat people that you couldn't care less about -- and treat him like THAT. He is insignificant. Not worth your time, effort, or thoughts. Yes everything he said was a lie. But he is going to continue being the cunning manipulative jackass he is. And what you feel doesn't matter. It never did. He only cares about how he feels. He thinks everyone should care about how he feels. So not giving a crap about him or how he feels is the biggest slap in the face. I hope you get to the point where you can truly look at him and, without emotion (he'd see that as a cover for the fact that you care), you tell him, "I must have been so lost to be attracted to you. Thank God I snapped out of it." And then lightheartedly say, "bye" and walk away from him. If he tries to talk to you, say, "wait, why am I talking to you?" or roll your eyes like you are just not interested in the least and walk away. You are above it. You do realize he is a selfish self centered egocentric narcissist right? So why waste any time on him at all? You are so right . I have done alot of reading up on narcissist and my x mm is definately one. Now that I am not needed for his supply he has tossed me aside like a carton of spoiled milk. I wrote him, but haven't decided to send it or not. Yesterday he gave me the peace sign and I almost ran into his car. What exactly is going through his mind. Not more than two weeks ago he was planning on how we should move away together and now he looks at me as if I am complete stranger. Whenever I wanted to end it he would say you are my best friend and I need to talk to you. Now he has ended and where the f** is my so called friend. I know you said the best revenge is to act like I don't care, but it so hard to do as he non-chalantly gvs me the peace sign. I personally think his W may know and she told him to not have anything to do with me. If that is the case why does he not have the balls to tell me instead of coming over to my house and talking about himself. My e-mail is really for me to vent and let him know while i have been nice through this whole ordeal he has underestimated me and he is lucky i am married because I would love nothing more to call him out on his narcisssist behavior. Any thoughts on sending e-mail.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Don't send the email. You won't get the reaction or anything that you expect from him, infact, what if he shows it to his wife? Or to your husband at some point in the future. Never say never! You gotta think ahead abit, because when the time does come that you get that strength to be detached and not care - HE may pull out all the stops...So, best to be safe by NOT sending that email. Plus, if his wife reads it by accident, you'll be defending yourself to her, and possibly your husband...
GreenEyedLady Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 You are so right . I have done alot of reading up on narcissist and my x mm is definately one. Now that I am not needed for his supply he has tossed me aside like a carton of spoiled milk. I wrote him, but haven't decided to send it or not. Yesterday he gave me the peace sign and I almost ran into his car. What exactly is going through his mind. Not more than two weeks ago he was planning on how we should move away together and now he looks at me as if I am complete stranger. Whenever I wanted to end it he would say you are my best friend and I need to talk to you. Now he has ended and where the f** is my so called friend. I know you said the best revenge is to act like I don't care, but it so hard to do as he non-chalantly gvs me the peace sign. I personally think his W may know and she told him to not have anything to do with me. If that is the case why does he not have the balls to tell me instead of coming over to my house and talking about himself. My e-mail is really for me to vent and let him know while i have been nice through this whole ordeal he has underestimated me and he is lucky i am married because I would love nothing more to call him out on his narcisssist behavior. Any thoughts on sending e-mail. Forbidden: you are letting him get the best of you; you need to stop caring what he does or at least pretend to not care...YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL and show him that you CAN LIVE WELL WITHOUT HIM... don't send an email, just ignore him...he knows your everyday life, so live it up in front of him...
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2007 Posted March 11, 2007 Not more than two weeks ago he was planning on how we should move away together What do you say when he says this? How do you react? Because if you engage in those types of conversations with him, STOP. If he talks to you about that or anything else that crosses the line, just tell him enough already and walk away. GEL is right, just live your life, forget about him.
Author forbidden fruit Posted March 13, 2007 Author Posted March 13, 2007 What do you say when he says this? How do you react? Because if you engage in those types of conversations with him, STOP. If he talks to you about that or anything else that crosses the line, just tell him enough already and walk away. GEL is right, just live your life, forget about him. Okay you guys are going to be proud. I picked up my kids and was walking towards them when my xmm appears. He is with his kids and he says hi and I blow by him like he does not exist. No expession on my face just stotic. I felt nothing not nervous, not sad, not anxious absolutely nada. So I come home and I am on the phone and the next thing I know he is talking to my kids and then in my house. I tell him to get out of my house and continues to ask me why I can't be nice and what did he do. I simply say you are not my friend, you never do anything that does not benefit you and I want you to leave. He then says he cares about me and can we meet . At that point his W calls and he goes scurrying back. I told him I will not meet you and grow up. What do you guys think. Did I handle that correctly?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Sounds to me like you stood up for yourself, and sent him a very clear message in the process. I'd say you handled that quite well.
Meaplus3 Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Okay you guys are going to be proud. I picked up my kids and was walking towards them when my xmm appears. He is with his kids and he says hi and I blow by him like he does not exist. No expession on my face just stotic. I felt nothing not nervous, not sad, not anxious absolutely nada. So I come home and I am on the phone and the next thing I know he is talking to my kids and then in my house. I tell him to get out of my house and continues to ask me why I can't be nice and what did he do. I simply say you are not my friend, you never do anything that does not benefit you and I want you to leave. He then says he cares about me and can we meet . At that point his W calls and he goes scurrying back. I told him I will not meet you and grow up. What do you guys think. Did I handle that correctly? Forbidden, It sound's like you handled yourself very well! I can't believe he has the nerve to keep intruding into your home! But you did a great job standing up for yourself. Keep up with the Stoic faces when you see him out and about! That's what I am doing! Nothing get the best of a narrsistic person than Ignoring them and not feeding there ego's. My XMM is big time narrsistic. Yesterday he was walking around the neighborhood with his kid's like he was just all that! Kept stopping in front of my house and looking right into my living room window. My kid's wanted to go outside, but I said NO! Did not want the interaction with him, because the only thing it would do is feed his Big EGO. I will no longer tolerate beign eye candy and a EGO filler for this man.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2007 Posted March 13, 2007 Okay you guys are going to be proud. I picked up my kids and was walking towards them when my xmm appears. He is with his kids and he says hi and I blow by him like he does not exist. No expession on my face just stotic. I felt nothing not nervous, not sad, not anxious absolutely nada. So I come home and I am on the phone and the next thing I know he is talking to my kids and then in my house. I tell him to get out of my house and continues to ask me why I can't be nice and what did he do. I simply say you are not my friend, you never do anything that does not benefit you and I want you to leave. He then says he cares about me and can we meet . At that point his W calls and he goes scurrying back. I told him I will not meet you and grow up. What do you guys think. Did I handle that correctly? Good for you! You stood your ground!! Now, continue to do that, over and over again. You now have started putting up your boundries, and he better damn well respect them. I will say this, once you DO set up the boundries and don't cave, he'll have no choice but to change his behaviour. Jesus, he has some nerve just to walk into your house, once again, uninvited.
Author forbidden fruit Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Good for you! You stood your ground!! Now, continue to do that, over and over again. You now have started putting up your boundries, and he better damn well respect them. I will say this, once you DO set up the boundries and don't cave, he'll have no choice but to change his behaviour. Jesus, he has some nerve just to walk into your house, once again, uninvited. In your experience will he keeping testing the boundaries. How many times do I have to be prepared for this and because he is a narcississt will his behavior escalate. Will he ever change his behavior. His W came over today with his kids and I so did not want to talk to them, but I was cordial. I feel like if I let them in then he thinks he is in. I want to pretend any of them don't exist, but under the circumstances it is a little difficult. Any thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I just compare this to my mom and our mom/daughter relationship. I had to set up boundries for her, and she had no choice but to change her ways. I don't know if this works on someone who is a narcissist though. Has he been diagnosed as one? Also, if he IS one, then you aren't his first affair, and you definately won't be his last. Another thing, start ignoring him more. This way you won't be feeding his HUGE ego.
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