Setback Days :(

[Tormented]

There were days where I would smile because in my head I could picture the future and I was totally okay and happy w/o him and he was begging for my forgiveness and I was just laughing and thinking, "What goes around comes around....the grass isn't always greener!" And now today's vision of the future is a miserable me and him eternally happy with his duct-tape/bubble-wrap skank and not ever missing me or regretting his decision.

 

And I guess I don't want him to "miss me" or "regret doing this" because I want him back. I want those things so that he can hurt inside like I have, and I want to believe I was worth it enough to "miss" and to "regret." Most people get to know they MATTERED in a relationship and it is hurtful to move on, but my ex didn't blink an eye when he ended our 5 years together and that just stuns me and insults me.

 

 

Crossette...I always feel inclined to respond to your posts because your story hits so close to home for me. If anybody on this board could understand the pain and devestation of what he did to you, it would be me!!

 

Mine did the same, as you know. A real piece of work who cheated on him, stole from him, lied to him...then ran off and married the man she cheated with 2 weeks after her "dramatic" departure - leaving him in emotional ruins. A woman who cheated on all 5 husbands, who is a drug addict/alcholic, diagnosed BPD, and had her 4 children taken away for abuse/neglect, and is unemployed. And despite his CONSTANT assertions that he "hated" her, didn't respect her...blah, blah, blah...the minute she threw him a crumb, he completely trashed everything we had together. And true to form, she began cheating on him almost immediately after she moved in with him, chasing her husband around town, calling him, begging him to take her back.

 

My ex wasn't that upset about it this time around. In fact, he threw her out 2 months after she moved in - stating that he discovered "this time around" that he didn't love her, that he couldn't stop thinking about me, that he was still in love with me.

 

Yeah, right. And just where in the hell was all this "undying love" for me the night she showed up on his doorstep???

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that unlike you, I DID get the "Oh dear God, I'm SOOOOOO sorry for what I did and I regret it" phone call. Did it help me? Well, yeah, in the sense that I took pleasure in knowing the relationship fell on it's sorry arse and she once again screwed him. But did it help relieve the deep anger and pain it caused me? Nope, not really. To be honest, I always believed that if I got that "I love you - I regret what I did" phone call, it would strip away all the pain and set me free. But in truth, it didn't. I'm STILL in pain, I still feel deep anger for what was done to me...horrible treatment that I did NOT deserve.

 

Oh, he's paying for it now, but it's too late. The damage has been done. He destroyed not only HIS happiness in his foolish decision, but mine as well. And THAT'S something I'm having a hard time dealing with. Why in the hell should *I* pay for HIS stupidity???

 

And I think that's where you're hung up as well.

 

And let's face it. It is of the deepest insult that we were left for women who, in just about every area in life, are well below what we are. Again I say, they chose these women because they feed into the sickness of our exes. You and I refused to do this, so they turned to substandard material that WOULD.

 

It's like they took SEVERAL steps down the ladder to find a level that will make them feel better about themselves.

 

I know you know that, as I do, but still - it hurts like hell and won't quit haunting us.

 

Like you, I wish to God this "ghost" would leave and find another place to haunt.

 

Hang in there, girl!

 

~T~

[Cossette4]

Thanks Tor I always appreciate your replies.

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that unlike you, I DID get the "Oh dear God, I'm SOOOOOO sorry for what I did and I regret it" phone call. Did it help me? Well, yeah, in the sense that I took pleasure in knowing the relationship fell on it's sorry arse and she once again screwed him. But did it help relieve the deep anger and pain it caused me? Nope, not really. To be honest, I always believed that if I got that "I love you - I regret what I did" phone call, it would strip away all the pain and set me free. But in truth, it didn't. I'm STILL in pain, I still feel deep anger for what was done to me...horrible treatment that I did NOT deserve.

 

Yeah, sometimes I am so sure that if I could just get that phone call I would be in like, Happyville. I even told my mom if I ever get that call we are going to go out and celebrate big time (cuz she's been listening to me for the past 8 months now). But like you said, it apparently won't take away 100% of the pain (although it's gotta take away some). Actually last night I was almost thinking how incredibly sad I would be if he DID call and beg for me back because I bet it would strike a soft spot in me and I would just be like I HATE YOU BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU AFTER WHAT YOU DID. So then I kinda figured maybe God is doing this for a reason b/c I'm not totally strong enough to handle that phone call if it did happen.

 

And let's face it. It is of the deepest insult that we were left for women who, in just about every area in life, are well below what we are. Again I say, they chose these women because they feed into the sickness of our exes. You and I refused to do this, so they turned to substandard material that WOULD.

 

It's like they took SEVERAL steps down the ladder to find a level that will make them feel better about themselves.

 

AMEN. I feel humiliated among everyone I know because of the new person he chose. And even if it is just a rebound thing, people think, "Oh..weird...he left her...for her? Hmm...weird." And I want to go around with a loudspeaker shouting, "No! It's not that simple!! He's only doing this to feel better about himself and because he can't be alone and deal with the breakup!"

 

It's really the only thing that makes sense. He felt so intimidated by where my life was going and his wasn't, and I made the mistake of making him feel bad about it and constantly snapping at him to measure up. So he felt terrible about himself and found someone so low that he feels like a king. That's why he's said things like "She makes me happy b/c she doesn't yell at me." "You treated me horrible and I thought you didn't even care." That's the only thing that can explain going from a classy, career-minded college grad to a trashy skanky highschool dropout. Our primary arguments were about school and his lack of motivation to begin with!

 

I just hope I can start really feeling OVER THIS soon. I was doing fairly well in February but now I'm blacksliding. Maybe because what would have been our 6 year anniversary is this month. I bet he doesn't even notice that or care.

[guin_girl]

It's like they took SEVERAL steps down the ladder to find a level that will make them feel better about themselves.

 

Interesting... That kinda makes sense... I generally am interested in guys that are in blue collar positions and that make less than me. I don't flaunt my education or salary, but I'm sure that my life style and knowledge does come through... maybe I am a threat to them? You know how they say that some men are intimidated by strong women and need to feel needed. I obviously do not need a man in my life, but would like to share my life with one.

 

This last guy seeked out a girl from his HS that dropped out to have a baby... she's now just getting back to school some 20 years later... maybe he feels more comfortable with her than he did me? I'll never know though...

[Strawbrryblonde]

My situation is almost exactly like yours. My ex wanted to take a break for a month to concentrate on school and work and everything...and four days later he started dating this fat girl. And he always made fun of fat people when we were together, so I don't understand it. He told me that we were argueing a lot which is why he needed a break, but his roommate tells me that he and his new girlfriend fight on a daily basis about dumb stuff. The part that kills me about this new girl though is that he treats her the way I always wanted him to treat me.

 

She dances in, in all her fat and ugliness, and gets to be treated like a princess. He opens the door for her, buys everything for her, kisses her in public, just absolutely looks like he adores her. And it kills me inside to see him doing that because....he used to be mine just three/four weeks ago! And he never was such a gentleman to me, yet I spent nine months with him and I gave him my all.

 

I too spend much too much time wondering if she is just a rebound so he doesnt have to think about me. She is much different from me in looks, and personality. She is very loud, very aggressive and very much a b*tch according to what I see and hear. I am totally opposite from that. He tells everyone that he's so happy with his new girlfriend, and that he's glad he broke up with me. He thinks I'm psycho because I maintained a relationship with his mom, who I love.

 

I can't do any right move because he criticizes me for everything I do but yet...he's with someone new. I don't know how to deal with it and I feel like a little part of me has died because of how much I hurt. It hurts that he broke up with me...but it hurts worse that he can be happy with someone else so soon, and I'm single and lonely.

 

I also dream of the day when (if) he calls me regretting breaking up with me realizing that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. And it's hard to accept that that probably won't happen. Because he has convinced himself that it was a good thing that we're not together, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.

 

All we have left to do is regain the upper hand. Even just for ourselves. We have to realize that yea, we were the best things that they could ever have because, pfft, look at what they've got now. Great catches, right? We just have to mentally turn it around in our heads and think, yea we were dumped. But not because there was anything wrong with us...but because we must have just been TOO good for them. And we are. For them to do this to us, and not blink an eye...we totally are.

 

And your not going to believe it at first...I don't still. But it's mind over matter. As long as we keep thinking that we will stop blaming ourselves for whats happening right now but instead just...feel sorry for our exs. They could only dream of finding another girl remotely close to the people we are. Just keep telling yourself your amazing, and soon you'll believe that he really is not worth your time. Not even your thoughts. Thats what I'm doing and honestly, it gets better everyday. I feel for your girl, seriously heart to freakin' heart.