Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 For some reason today is just not a good day for me. Instead of waking up feeling totally on top of the situation, ready to tackle all those negative thoughts that come to mind, I woke up like "Ehhhhh..." Instead of waking up thinking, "I'll be okay no matter what. He's the one with the issues and in the long-run, he's going to be the sad one," I woke up thinking, "God I bet he's really happy to be rid of me. I bet he's going to have a great day today and be so happy to come home to the trailer park slut and be free from my yelling and bitching." And now I've basically got myself convinced that I am a horrible demon that pushed him away, took him for granted, and made him feel bad about himself and his decision has been the best thing that's ever happened to him and I'm getting what I deserve. You'd probably have to be familar with my story for this post to make any sense (and to see how different my current line of thinking is from what it's been). God I just feel like I'm suffering this total setback. There were days/posts where I am so convinced that he's the wrong-doer, the coward, the idiot, the bad-decision maker, the one who will suffer in the long run, and now today I'm thinking the total opposite and feeling all sh:bunny: tty with myself. There were days where I would smile because in my head I could picture the future and I was totally okay and happy w/o him and he was begging for my forgiveness and I was just laughing and thinking, "What goes around comes around....the grass isn't always greener!" And now today's vision of the future is a miserable me and him eternally happy with his duct-tape/bubble-wrap skank and not ever missing me or regretting his decision. And I guess I don't want him to "miss me" or "regret doing this" because I want him back. I want those things so that he can hurt inside like I have, and I want to believe I was worth it enough to "miss" and to "regret." Most people get to know they MATTERED in a relationship and it is hurtful to move on, but my ex didn't blink an eye when he ended our 5 years together and that just stuns me and insults me. So to sum up, this day sucked and someone should post a reply to make me feel better:o . Thank you.
oppath Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Well, I was the rebound guy in a situation, though she kept the ex in her life as her best friend and strung me along. I understand how it hurts. How he could just drop you. Well, he probably hasn't. He is surely working out his loss while being involved with this other woman. He is using her to work out his feelings. It does not mean he never had feelings for you or your relationship was anything less than what you thought it was. All it means is your relationship is over. You will gave good and bad days. Eventually, you will have more good days. I hope this happens soon!
Icantletgo Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 AWwwww it's okay. It happens to me all the time. My friends call me bipolar. You are on the road singing a song, feeling happy, thinking of the future, having hope...then once you get home, you see a movie on tv that you both watched together and your eyes fill with tears. It hurts definitely, but with time...it'll be less frequent.
Guest Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Have you ever read The Underground Man? This is what becomes of people when they reflect on past relationships and try to rationalize things to understand them. But you can't rationalize sentiment. Trust me, I've been down that path. When you think about it, and try to understand who was the bad guy and who was the good guy, you become the dog eternally chasing its tail. There is no reconciliation, no redemption by this method. You place yourself in your own hell. Do not interpret people's actions to reflect their true feelings. However, do take this to mean that they are acting the exact opposite of what they actually feel. Have you read Rousseau? In society, people become duplicitous. They have to be. They lie to themselves and others to gain their own ends. As all values are relative, they must make themselves seem like more than they are in order to gain esteem from their social peers. Modern social norms indicate that anyone who can't get over their former lover is weak and stupid. While those who can move on are the stronger, better people. But it really depends on what the feelings were in the relationship. If you know someone loved you (and truly did so), then they will hurt afterwards (even if they broke up with you). But this does not mean that they will act according to the ideals of love, just because they loved you. They will still remain two-faced, because they believed it is what is best for themselves. But the person who can remain true to their feelings, who can reject social convention (without losing with their sense of sanity and their sense of purpose) is the good. They are truly closer to man's true being than anyone else. They defy what is common for what is good. They are above the average. Honesty is not the best policy, because it does not work. When we are honest, people mistrust us, because it is not what is common. It seems strange and bizarre, and people flee from it (noticed how I said people flee from it, instead of saying that we push people away). Stop making yourself the bad guy. Unless one physical or emotionally abuses a person, then one should not guilt oneself for the break up. This is only negating the self, and if you were satisfied with the self before the relationship, then it is simply a matter of a mismatch. But if the other recognizes faults in you that you could not see before, take heed of their word. Try to improve yourself, regardless if you are still with the person or not. Stop trying to justify yourself, this will only cut you off from humanity.
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Oppath: Thank you. You basically paraphrased what my mentality usually is on a good day Agh, and I hope that's the truth. What sucks about trying to "figure out" breakups is they always have two polar opposite possibilities: He either left me because he was completely over it and wanted to be with her (and maybe even had it planned in advance) and has turned into a totally different person who has a totally different taste in women. Or He ran to her as a rebound to work out his loss and he is too cowardly and weak to be alone so this is what he fills the void with and that explains why she is my total opposite and why he just erased me from the earth like I didn't matter. I want to believe the latter because I just feel more "worth it" that way and I feel like there's a greater probability that one day he will be the one with his face buried in his pillow crying his eyes out over me. But at the same time, if I buy into that theory, I could be waiting forever if it turns out I'm wrong and that blows. It does not mean he never had feelings for you or your relationship was anything less than what you thought it was. All it means is your relationship is over. Thanks for that. Sometimes I lose sight of that and make the whole situation ruin what I had for 5 years. Hopefully we will BOTH be having more good days soon. Icantletgo: Yeah I'm totally bipolar about this situation. I'll be listening to my ipod in the car (which I'm pretty sure might be illegal) and a "happy strong independent" type song will come on and I'll be like YEAH and then some love song will come on and I'll be like OMG I WANT TO DIE. Or I'll think I'm okay until I hang out with a friend who will start talking about her great amazing relationship and I'll just be like, remembering what it felt like to be able to say the same. Or I'll have creepy thoughts of memories of me and my ex together like weeks before the breakup and it creeps me out wondering if he KNEW he was going to do this and KNEW he wanted to be with some skanky girl instead of me and that these would be our last days together. Those thoughts just paralyze me.
shockandawed Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Hey Cossette, I can totally relate to you. I thought I had been doing better the last few weeks, only to have this week be tougher for some reason. I think part of it, at least today is that it is another month. I think I am depressed that it is now March because of two factors.It means that another month has passed since our breakup, which makes me more ancient history to her. Or that another month has passed and I still feel like crap. Probably a little of both. I too have analyzed to death the last few weeks of our relationship, trying to see if I missed any signs from her. No way, hell, we took a cruise less than two weeks before she broke up. She seemed so happy then. Who would have guessed? Hang in there Cossette. We are all doing better.
Guest Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I don't want to be a downer, as I'm in much the same situation, but alot of times I try to just think if it was meant to be it was meant to be, and if in the long run we (or you and yours) were supposed to be together, at some point s/he is gonna end up on your doorstep (literally or figuratively). The downer part is that there's people who die because someone else was driving drunk or whatever and sometimes what's meant to be still sucks for you. I'm sure there's people in Rwanda or Darfur that have been multilated and their family killed; sometimes what's meant to be still sucks. So yeah, as you can see, I too still have bad, bitter days.
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Shockandawed: Yeah same here. It's going on 8 months now almost and I just feel like all hope is lost because surely in 8 months he successfully forgot about me and was able to just throw me out the window and never look back and now he's sooo moved on there's not even hope of getting an apology or getting my "what goes around comes around." I just imagine all the history and memories and experiences he has built with his new girlfriend in the past 8 months and how everything we had for 5 years is like a distant blur to him. It'd be so nice if he was just using her and rebounding off of her so what we had really affects him some day. It's so unfair to think people can just toss you away and run from the hurt and then "get over it" without ever having to face it and grieve.
Icantletgo Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Seriously, i think the most hurtful part isn't that the relationship is over. cause maybe you kinda felt near the end that it wouldn't work out. the painful part is that he found someone else so quickly. That happened in my situation. Not only are you in shock that the relationship ended but shocked that he can move on w/o a blink of an eye. Without considering your hurt. And that is sooo painful cause you thought he loved you and you see him for what he is now: a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. But you dont wanna see him like that..you wanna think back to the first part of the relationship. The part where he couldn't live w/o you..the part where he would do anything to have you.
guin_girl Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Cossette, I'm sorry you are having a bad time right now... I know how you are feeling and there are good days and bad days on the roller coaster of healing. Many men do not know how to be alone (hence the mess I'm in, or was in) and will latch on to anyone to not have to deal with their own thoughts and emotions. Some just hop from girl to girl in their "healing" time, running or hiding when it starts to get too real (as in my situation). They project the feelings that they have from the old relationship into the new relationship... and we all know how euphoric the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is... it's not about real emotions, just the thrill of someone new. You may have been the best thing that happened to him, but he's not the best for you. He did you a favor in the long run because now you can see who he really is... it's amazing how they can hide their true self for so long, or as in one of my relationships, after so many years, we just grew apart, didn't have the same goals in life in the end. And man did that one find a lot of skanks after we broke up. He looked for the most opposite people from me, maybe it's so that he can't compare you two, or that he wouldn't have any reminder to deal with. I would think it would be creepier to have him dating a clone!! Try not to analyze what he was thinking and feeling at the end of the relationship (easier said then done... I'm struggling with that too). He may have meant what he said at the moment in time, then again maybe not, but it really doesn't matter in the long run. But just from reading all of your posts, you are such the prize and any man will be so lucky to have you... But don't pick "any" man, find your own prize!!
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Hey Cosette4- don't beat yourself up for having a bad day. You are human! It happens! The other day I was grouchy for no reason at all, I just was. Then I heard a story on the radio about a man whose wife got dementia at 51 and I cried all the way to work because I felt so sad for him and realised my problems were nothing compared to his. BUT its all relative to our own individual lives, and you definitely have good reason to get down some days! We all have good days and bad days. I found out my psycho ex is seeing someone else, and while I don't want him back AT all, I felt this massive sense of injustice that he isn't hurting anymore has moved on so quickly after I dumped him.I felt he deserved to hurt for at least the year he hurt me for before I dumped him! Irrational huh!! But the next day i woke up and it was OK again. But think of all the possibilities the future might bring- that guy is out of your life, he was bad for you and thats a good thing. Treat yourself to something! Even if its just a really good blast of those empowering songs on your ipod!
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Icantletgo: Not only are you in shock that the relationship ended but shocked that he can move on w/o a blink of an eye. Without considering your hurt. And that is sooo painful cause you thought he loved you and you see him for what he is now: a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. Yeah, really. This guy used to act like I was his entire world, and even when breaking up crossed my mind in the last year or so of the relationship, I would think to myself, "Wow that would be really hard on BOTH of us." Which is probably why I never went through with it even when times got really frustrating. I always assumed letting me go would be this extremely hard thing for him because he treated me like I meant so much in the relationship. I was actually the selfish jerk in the relationship, if one had to delegate a selfish jerk. And in all honesty, even if the girl he's "moved on with" was a gorgeous supermodel with an amazing personality and highly intelligent, I would still be in shock because I STILL feel like he couldn't move on that fast to anyone. So the fact that this girl is not attractive, a highschool dropout, bisexual, and has a website where she posts naked pictures of herself wrapped in duct-tape and bubble wrap (which SCREAMS skanky) REALLY makes the whole situation unbelievable and practically impossible for me to accept. I honestly feel like MOST guys wouldn't go for this person at all in any circumstances other than a reaaaallllllly messed up rebound. I guess what's hard for me is it's both so OUT OF CHARACTER and IN CHARACTER for him. Out of character: I can't convey how much the person I knew would have shuddered at the thought of dating this bisexual skanky girl. His friends are all at the same "level" as he is and they are like, dumbfounded with his decision and they've all been like "Errrhhhhh..." when they've met the girl. In character: He has always bottled his feelings up inside, run away from life's problems and challenges when times get hard, turns cowardly in front of family and friends, has lied to everyone around him about certain matters because the truth was too embarrassing for him..... So the fact that he's run to something to avoid something else is really his entire motto. But the fact that the *something* turned out to be THIS GIRL is so unbelievable and painful because it's another RELATIONSHIP rather than alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. and it stikes your heart in the worst place.
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 guin_girl: Many men do not know how to be alone (hence the mess I'm in, or was in) and will latch on to anyone to not have to deal with their own thoughts and emotions. Some just hop from girl to girl in their "healing" time, running or hiding when it starts to get too real (as in my situation). They project the feelings that they have from the old relationship into the new relationship... and we all know how euphoric the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship is... it's not about real emotions, just the thrill of someone new. You may have been the best thing that happened to him, but he's not the best for you. He did you a favor in the long run because now you can see who he really is... it's amazing how they can hide their true self for so long, or as in one of my relationships, after so many years, we just grew apart, didn't have the same goals in life in the end. And man did that one find a lot of skanks after we broke up. He looked for the most opposite people from me, maybe it's so that he can't compare you two, or that he wouldn't have any reminder to deal with. I would think it would be creepier to have him dating a clone!! Yeah I can only hope that that's what he's doing--unable to be alone and using the new girl to heal. I really can't say because we were each other's first relationship, so I don't have a previous history from him to know how he behaves after a significant love relationship. It's just so humiliating for me because I can't explain this to many of my friends. In like 2 minutes, they just make the assumption that he left me because he's over me and wants to be with a skank, and then they move on. And that just crushes me because all these people think "Man, she must have been pretty worthless in his eyes...Wow, he moves on quickly...must not have loved her as much as we thought..." But if he is using her to heal, then the reality is like, the total opposite. If he locked himself in a room with a bottle of alcohol for months, people would be like "Wow he's having a hard time healing and getting over this," but he moves in with a skanky girl 2 weeks after our breakup and spends 24/7 with her for the past 8 months, and everyone just thinks, "Hmm..he's over her. Sucks for her." And hey, maybe that's true. Maybe he's doing this b/c he's totally over it. But the difficult thing is the polar opposite could also be true (and would make a hell of a lot more sense to me). It's just so complicated because sometimes new relationships signify "moving on" whereas in some cases, they are rebounds because there is major healing that needs to be done. So when your ex started dating a series of skanks, did you feel like, "Greeeeat apparently the person I was with for so many years secretly wanted to be with a skank all along--I'm humiliated"? Or did you think, "Wow he had a classy person like me and now he must be screwed up and unable to be alone because he's running to skanks, and that's not the guy I knew"? And yeah, if he was dating a clone of me, I'd be so jealous
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 sb129: I found out my psycho ex is seeing someone else, and while I don't want him back AT all, I felt this massive sense of injustice that he isn't hurting anymore has moved on so quickly after I dumped him.I felt he deserved to hurt for at least the year he hurt me for before I dumped him! Irrational huh!! So how do you know that the "seeing someone else" means he really has moved on? How do you know he's not just on the rebound because he's really not okay inside? I dunno how long your relationship was, but if you estimated he would hurt for a year and he instead, started seeing someone else fairly soon, isn't that fishy to you? I don't mean to like, screw with your head or something, but this is just the main problem I'm dealing with and I'm really having a hard time accepting the "move on" theory when the "rebound theory" logically makes more sense to me given the facts in front of me, and it also makes my heart feel slightly better because he is suffering over the breakup and has to go on the rebound. If you strongly feel your ex "moved on" and isn't just rebounding, what made you feel that way and accept that?
guin_girl Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 So when your ex started dating a series of skanks, did you feel like, "Greeeeat apparently the person I was with for so many years secretly wanted to be with a skank all along--I'm humiliated"? Or did you think, "Wow he had a classy person like me and now he must be screwed up and unable to be alone because he's running to skanks, and that's not the guy I knew"? And yeah, if he was dating a clone of me, I'd be so jealous I broke up with him, so it was a little different. I did start dating someone pretty quick after I broke up with him and he didn't understand it. But I had been with him for 8 years, it wasn't exciting anymore, so someone new showered me with attention and it was something I was starved for! Was a HUGE mistake, not the break up but the rebound. He too went after people who would give him attention and his friends would contact me about them... how much he had downgraded his selection... that he missed me so much that he used them to fill the void... I don't know if that helps at all... but I do know how you feel... the one guy I was so in love with, I couldn't understand how he wanted some bar whore that he picked up... he chose her over me... she had nothing going for her and I just couldn't get past it for a couple years...
Author Cossette4 Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Guin, So it sounds like you've been on both sides of this in a way. You left a long-term relationship and quickly got into a new one because you wanted excitement and attention, and you've seen someone you love rush into something new with a bar whore and it completely blew your mind. I completely get the whole "the rebound was a mistake, not the breakup" thing. I REALLY hope my ex feels that way someday. I'm not looking for him to feel like our breakup was a mistake (although that'd be nice for him to be begging for me back ), but I do want him to acknowledge this new skank is a mistake. How long did your rebound last? Was the guy the total opposite of your ex? You also said it took you a couple years for you to get over the bar whore. Did he stay with her for two years? Was it the same girl or just a series of bar whores? How did you eventually get over it? Did he ever admit to you that she was just filling the void for you?
guin_girl Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 How long did your rebound last? Was the guy the total opposite of your ex? Very much so, I'm into blue collar guys... and this was a white collar guy who I worked with and who's on again off again fiance also worked there. Gave me the whole song and dance that they were breaking up.... HUGE mistake You also said it took you a couple years for you to get over the bar whore. Did he stay with her for two years? Was it the same girl or just a series of bar whores? How did you eventually get over it? Did he ever admit to you that she was just filling the void for you? Well it was a series... but the first one he came over to my house CRYING about her when she broke up with him and that he couldn't understand how she could do that to him... he caught her cheating on him... the man that cheated on me the entire relationship from day one, is crying on my shoulder because she cheated on him... good grief then it was on to the next one... one after another, then he tells me we can try to work it out, only to find out he had an online profile... and how did I find that out... he came up as my #1 match... ARGH
oppath Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Very much so, I'm into blue collar guys... and this was a white collar guy who I worked with and who's on again off again fiance also worked there. Gave me the whole song and dance that they were breaking up.... HUGE mistake Huge mistake in that you got burned, and didn't set boundaries or watch out for red flags? I'm just curious in what way it was a mistake. It sounds like you were both rebounding.
guin_girl Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Huge mistake in that you got burned, and didn't set boundaries or watch out for red flags? I'm just curious in what way it was a mistake. It sounds like you were both rebounding. they didn't break up... they are married now... he lied and cheated on her all the time... she swung both ways and didn't care that he was a cheater... I had just started at the company, I wasn't privy to his past... so I was the naive idiot... I'm definitely not lucky in love... oh and Cossette... I think I am turning into the crazy cat lady... although I'm only crazy about one super fuzzy critter wish me luck, I'm off the the final showdown tonight... (see my personal thread for update)
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 So how do you know that the "seeing someone else" means he really has moved on? How do you know he's not just on the rebound because he's really not okay inside? I dunno how long your relationship was, but if you estimated he would hurt for a year and he instead, started seeing someone else fairly soon, isn't that fishy to you? I don't mean to like, screw with your head or something, but this is just the main problem I'm dealing with and I'm really having a hard time accepting the "move on" theory when the "rebound theory" logically makes more sense to me given the facts in front of me, and it also makes my heart feel slightly better because he is suffering over the breakup and has to go on the rebound. If you strongly feel your ex "moved on" and isn't just rebounding, what made you feel that way and accept that? Maybe he is on the rebound. He was a MM when he met me so he isn't giving himself much downtime. I don't know we don't contact eachother anymore, and to be honest, apart from the day when I found out, I don't really care. I broke up with him, because the relationship deteriorated to a level that I couldn't cope with, but deep down I knew that we weren't right together for a long time. It took me a much less time than you would expect to move on because of this. I have since met a wonderful man who I get on so well with and who treats me like a princess. So irrespective of whether my ex has moved on, I have. He caused me so much pain, I am just glad to have him out of my life. So my situation is a little different from yours. Are you having a better day today?
Author Cossette4 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Haha oh Guin. Perhaps we can quit our jobs and set up our own cat farm. Good luck on your meeting tonight! (Even though by the time I type this, it's already happened...) So let me rephrase that--hope it went well! sb129: Yes, I had a little bit better of a day today, but it doesn't help that I had to hang out with "Friend with Boyfriend and Baby" and "Engaged Friend." It's so hard to see people all settled and happy when the thing I had for 5 years is just shattered and I'll have to start from scratch. I'm envious of you for being able to get over hurt and move on in a timely manner. I just feel like I don't/can't move on until *something* happens (the *something* being his whole new relationship goes up in flames and he comes crawling back guilty, regretful, and apologetic and then I can let him know all the pain he's put me through and feel like now HE can hurt and I can go on). I just really can't let this thing go It really hurts, and more than that, it just makes no sense to me. I can't believe this person did this and is the person he is now and is with the person he is with now. I really can't. I know we were growing apart and it was probably best that we broke up, but I'm just so sad it had to be like this and had to result in such betrayal, humiliation, and ruins. ] Bah.
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 I haven't always gotten over hurt in this way. It once took me over a year to get over a six week relationship which ended very abruptly and took me by surprise!! I guess its all relative to the situation. When you know that a relationship isn't right for you, most people DON'T get out straight away- they feel they should stay to just give it one more go, or they feel that by giving up on a toxic R is admitting failure. This is what I went thru for nearly a year with my ex, so by the time it came around to actually split for good, I was almost over him anyway, and it wasn't a shock or surprise. I also had my friends and family almost begging me to dump him, as they could see how toxic our R was. And dumping him was like releasing a very heavy burden. So- thats me. You obviously don't feel that way right now, and thats totally normal! Aslo you have the additional stress of knowing your ex is with somebody else (Ms Skanky), which makes it even harder! But you WILL get over it, I promise. Everything ends, even feelings of sadness. Do you have any interests or hobbies that will help you? I think exercise and sport is a great way of clearing the head- GPs even prescribe it for depression. How about putting on your ipod, getting yourself to the gym, and bashing the sh** out of a punchbag. Bet you feel great afterwards.
Author Cossette4 Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 This is what I went thru for nearly a year with my ex, so by the time it came around to actually split for good, I was almost over him anyway, and it wasn't a shock or surprise. I sometimes wonder if this is the way my ex felt and that's why he was so emotionless, said he was over it from day one, and moved on with another girl within a week. However, the fact that the girl he "moved on" with is the total opposite of me and a major downgrade for ANY guy, and the fact that he moved in with her 2 weeks after they started dating (and we never even lived together after 5 years!), and the fact that he completely cut all ties with all of his friends and hobbies since he's been with her makes me feel he hasn't moved on at all and is just on the rebound big time. But you WILL get over it, I promise. Everything ends, even feelings of sadness. Do you have any interests or hobbies that will help you? I think exercise and sport is a great way of clearing the head- GPs even prescribe it for depression. I know. I really believe I won't feel this way forever. Just logically speaking, I can't imagine still posting on this forum about this guy 10 years from now! It just sucks because, while I can envision the future without this sadness, the present is STILL sad. And when does that start to change? And yeah, I run a lot so I've been trying to do that more to clear my head...
Icantletgo Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 Well everyone is always asking the question "how do you know he truely likes her and isn't with her cause he doesn't wanna deal w/ your breakup"...i think that's what we want to tell ourselves to make OURSELVES feel better that they have moved on...when in reality..they couldn't care about you anymore....maybe they truely moved on. My ex of 3 years already moved on...he started dating her at the end of our relationship. He is "in love" with her after a month...so did he go to her cause our relationship didn't work out? maybe. is he regretting leaving me? no. will he ever? maybe not.
Author Cossette4 Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 Yeah that's really my whole dilemma. I am all about wanting to know THE TRUTH, not just rationalizing a "truth" I wish for. Do I wish that he was merely on the rebound? Of course. Do I have evidence of behavior that suggests a rebound? Absolutely. After doing research in psychology journals and random internet forums, it seems like a pretty standard pattern: A girl who is the total opposite. Deciding to live together after 2 weeks of dating. Extremely lowering his standards. No longer in contact with his friends or engaged in his typical hobbies/activities. Phrases to me like "I thought you didn't care..." And "Well she makes me happy because she doesn't yell me at like you did." All point to someone who feels down on themselves, can't be alone, and is looking for someone, anyone to make them feel better asap. Do I convince myself that there's no other option? No, because if I am wrong, I'll only end up hurting myself in the end and waiting for something that's never going to happen. If he has indeed "moved on" with this girl, as baffling as that is, I know I'll be okay anyway. Regardless of which one it is, I've said from day one I don't want him back. I'm not going to be involved with someone so cowardly and insecure, nor someone who runs from their problems and uses others to make themselves feel good. The only reason I firmly question this in the first place (did he rebound? did he move on?) is because I want to really know what happened--was he a potential cheater, someone who scammed me and strung me along for months until he found someone else? Or was he hurt, confused, and vulnerable and turned to another person in order to avoid the pain of a breakup with a person he loved? I'd like to know one day, because I loved this person for 5 years.
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