Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 haha my wife just emailed HER female co-worker... "What is it with men? DH is pissed with me about something but won't tell me. He said we'll talk about it when I get home! "
HerrJ Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 yea, I will probably have all of his emails pulled and now his phone calls. Hopefully she will fess up and agree she screwed up. She hasn't actually "cheated" yet, but it's close enough to hurt and make me look like a fool at work. I didn't work at the same company as my wife, so I didn't have access to their emails. I knew the CEO though and sent him copies of our cell phone bills with his work number all over it. Told the CEO he might want to have IT pull email logs too. Unfortunately though, by the time I found out the extent of the relationship it was too late. Like you, we didn't have kids so it wasn't a huge loss.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I didn't work at the same company as my wife, so I didn't have access to their emails. I knew the CEO though and sent him copies of our cell phone bills with his work number all over it. Told the CEO he might want to have IT pull email logs too. Unfortunately though, by the time I found out the extent of the relationship it was too late. Like you, we didn't have kids so it wasn't a huge loss. I don't work with my wife. My co-worker is the guy. My wife doesn't work with us.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 lol, her co-worker said i was probably pissy cause i was sick and my wife replied with... "I guess. me and his co worker talk through email and we were going to go grab a drink tonight before I have to go get Nancy's cake and he was going to bitch about his ex who he works with and I'm guessing he's been reading my emails and all and after that he was pissed."
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 lol, her co-worker said i was probably pissy cause i was sick and my wife replied with... "I guess. me and his co worker talk through email and we were going to go grab a drink tonight before I have to go get Nancy's cake and he was going to bitch about his ex who he works with and I'm guessing he's been reading my emails and all and after that he was pissed." She's just trying to cover her butt now....don't fall for it!
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 She's just trying to cover her butt now....don't fall for it! yea here is another one to her co-worker: "Yeah. It sucks and he's going to be a jerk about it. I don't think I did anything wrong by talking to him and was going to have drinks with him (and I wasn't going to drink beer or anything) but he just broke up with his g/f and she's been making his life miserable and I was going to let him vent to me."
jmargel Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 You two need major counseling and unless you both grow up and act like adults, then I don't see this marriage working. Playing 'parent' and 'detective' is what the opposite of a good marriage should be.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 You two need major counseling and unless you both grow up and act like adults, then I don't see this marriage working. Playing 'parent' and 'detective' is what the opposite of a good marriage should be. I agree we need counseling, but if she feels she has done nothing wrong how will it help. being "detective" is the only thing i can do to find out what is going on.
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 You two need major counseling and unless you both grow up and act like adults, then I don't see this marriage working. Playing 'parent' and 'detective' is what the opposite of a good marriage should be.I don't know about that. I think that UIhere might just need to coach his wife about male intentions. Un-knowing women often fall prey to men who need a, "shoulder" to, "cry" on but in reality, while his head is on her shoulder his eyes are on something else. This co-worker is working his wife......classic.....just classic.... Now, I don't know if your wife is, "up" on these things. If she's not, great...if she is, then you do have trouble because she may be playing him just as much as he's playing her.....
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 I don't know about that. I think that UIhere might just need to coach his wife about male intentions. Un-knowing women often fall prey to men who need a, "shoulder" to, "cry" on but in reality, while his head is on her shoulder his eyes are on something else. This co-worker is working his wife......classic.....just classic.... Now, I don't know if your wife is, "up" on these things. If she's not, great...if she is, then you do have trouble because she may be playing him just as much as he's playing her..... my wife loves attention from guys. the ex of my co-worker they chatted about, my wife hates, so i dunno.
jmargel Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I agree we need counseling, but if she feels she has done nothing wrong how will it help. being "detective" is the only thing i can do to find out what is going on. Counseling will allow her to see this in another light sort to speak. If you continue what you are doing it'll end up in diaster. Look where it has gotten you so far? When confronting her about it, I can guarantee she'll put you on the defensive and make this all about you snooping into her email. She has already cheated on you once emotionally, she is about to do it again.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 Counseling will allow her to see this in another light sort to speak. If you continue what you are doing it'll end up in diaster. Look where it has gotten you so far? When confronting her about it, I can guarantee she'll put you on the defensive and make this all about you snooping into her email. She has already cheated on you once emotionally, she is about to do it again. of course she will say I'm a jealous husband blah blah blah. it's not jealousy, it's a matter of not wanting a cheating wife and to find out if she is when there are obvious signs
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 im wondering if i should just cut my losses and get a divorce. this is the second time this has happened that i know of. she was able to hold out for 2 years without doing this, but I'm losing hope. she just seems like she's a typical attention Whore now.
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Counseling will allow her to see this in another light sort to speak. If you continue what you are doing it'll end up in diaster. Look where it has gotten you so far? When confronting her about it, I can guarantee she'll put you on the defensive and make this all about you snooping into her email. She has already cheated on you once emotionally, she is about to do it again.jmargel, counceling is not always the immediate answer. She's not going to agree to it first of all, secondly, I think UIhere needs to know more about what to do with the situation right now. Not 3 months down the road when he finally, "convinces" her to go to counceling...... All wives/women love attention from other men. My wife does, and she actually dresses for the part. It took a long time for me to deal with that. But it also took a lot longer to show her what it made me feel like, and to show her what men feel about it as well. Now that she knows how a man thinks, and what his true intentions are, she knows that she's partially the cause of it, and is a little more reserved with her actions. If I were UIhere, she would be coming straight home from work, or she can find her clothes at the front door until she's ready to give this game up.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 jmargel, counceling is not always the immediate answer. She's not going to agree to it first of all, secondly, I think UIhere needs to know more about what to do with the situation right now. Not 3 months down the road when he finally, "convinces" her to go to counceling...... All wives/women love attention from other men. My wife does, and she actually dresses for the part. It took a long time for me to deal with that. But it also took a lot longer to show her what it made me feel like, and to show her what men feel about it as well. Now that she knows how a man thinks, and what his true intentions are, she knows that she's partially the cause of it, and is a little more reserved with her actions. If I were UIhere, she would be coming straight home from work, or she can find her clothes at the front door until she's ready to give this game up. honestly in the beginning I was fine with them chatting, but it's crossed the line. if I were to have said the things she did she would have considered me cheating. she's a flirt and always has and it's never been that big of an issue for me until a follow through was initiated.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I'll just say that this has become a nasty game. Time for UIhere to pull back from the game and explain to the wife that this is unacceptable behaviour for a married adult woman. If she wants to play her little games, it will be without him, or if she wants to seriously continue to be in an adult committed relationship, it's high time to clean up her act and grow up.
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 UIhere, Pick up the phone, call your wife, tell her that the drinks, the cake and anything else that needs to be done after work isn't NEARLY as important as her coming straight home so you two can get this taken care of. Depending on the outcome, she'll either have the freedom to go and have drinks with whomever she wants, or you both can go and get the cake together. If she refuses, you'll know your answer, and you'll know to be packing her bags while she's out with your co-worker...... I'd then start documenting everything you can, and put out a stern warning to your co-worker's, (health and well being), to stay out of your path until the smoke clears.
Author UIhere Posted March 5, 2007 Author Posted March 5, 2007 it seems like all women always want to play out the "grass is always greener" theory. Speaking of my wife, passed girls i dated and of female friends I have. They always want to see what they are missing and then when they don't like what they are missing they want to come back.
Moose Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 it seems like all women always want to play out the "grass is always greener" theory. Speaking of my wife, passed girls i dated and of female friends I have. They always want to see what they are missing and then when they don't like what they are missing they want to come back.Can I ask what are your ages?
Rooster_DAR Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 of course she will say I'm a jealous husband blah blah blah. it's not jealousy, it's a matter of not wanting a cheating wife and to find out if she is when there are obvious signs Almost all cheaters will make their S/O look like an abuser or extremely jealous. Don't fall for this ploy, her actions are unacceptable.
jmargel Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Moose your suggestions sound like what a father would do to his daughter.. 'Young miss you get home right now, because we need to talk. No going out with any of your friends tonight!' I mean, come on.. What do you think she's gonna do? She'll rebel like she has in the past. I can guarantee if you try to control her, it's like trying to tame a wild horse. UI needs to stop playing the games and get to the source of the matter. The real issue isn't with this OM right now, it's with what is causing her to do this in the first place. Once the root of that issue is taken care of, everything else on top of that will fix itself. What she needs from the counselor is to find a way to better communicate with her husband and to learn how to deal with certain situations and basically mature. During the counseling session, the worst will come out in her, which is a good thing. You want the couselor to see all of this, and trust that they have seen it plenty of times before and know that they will use their knowledge and professionalism to give the right advice. It is then upto her to follow this advice. If you keep doing the same thing over & over again, you'll go insane and slowly lose her. She's acting like a child and by you just *talking* to her it'll go in one ear and out the other. It's time for action, time for her to face the consequences of her actions. It's time that you two get marriage couseling.
Moose Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Moose your suggestions sound like what a father would do to his daughter..OK.......She's acting like a child and by you just *talking* to her it'll go in one ear and out the other. It's time for action, time for her to face the consequences of her actions.Hmmmm.....funny how this came together isn't it?? Don't you think by handing her the ultimatum to come home and solve the problem rather than going out to add to it would be a step in the right direction for her to face the consequences? If she decided that the pleasure of the co-worker's company was more important to her than reconciling with her husband, she would find her clothes and neccessities at the front door. That isn't contolling jmargel. That's just allowing her to make a flat out decision. If she wants to act like a child, she will be treated like one.'Young miss you get home right now, because we need to talk. No going out with any of your friends tonight!'Is not the tone I would set. That is treating her like a child, which she isn't. She's a grown woman capable of making reasonable decisions.I mean, come on.. What do you think she's gonna do? She'll rebel like she has in the past. Then she would need to leave, and get her act together before she came back, IF UIhere decides he'll have her back. Simple......don't you think?The real issue isn't with this OM right now, it's with what is causing her to do this in the first place.I do agree with this statement and yes, that is something that needs dealts with if these two stay together. But this isn't going to help UIhere right now with this situation. Earlier you said that trying to control her will only drive her into rebellion. How in the world do you suggest UIhere gets her to go to counceling? Wait for her to get home after having drinks with another man and calmly say, "Honey....we need to go to counceling, ok?....thanks babe....nite...."
2sunny Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 I'm anxious to see what happened last night... did she come right home or go out in a selfish way?
jmargel Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 What I meant was to give her the choice.. By saying 'I really hope that you will come home right after work so we can talk about some things', instead of basically telling her what to do.. By giving her the choice she is more adpt to come home and hear what he has to say. If she doesn't want to work on things, ie. goto counseling then there is not much more you can do. Your best alternative is then to just say that you are no longer allowing her to disrespect you like this and that you need to move on.
2sunny Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 my advice is to just leave her... she has displayed this bad behavior in the past and will continue to do so - all the while acting as though it is innocent. she is pursuing him! she also doesn't feel one bit bad about the fact that she did it before and acts entitled to do it again. her actions say that she has no respect for the marriage - she's out!
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