Am I really the OW?

[Guest]

I have been involved with a MM for quite awhile now. We have had several bumpy roads and always seeming to stay on the straight and narrow. We love eachother deeply. We are the best of friends.

 

We have even been compared by others as the male or female version of the other. Which is a laugh riot. We are very similar in our ideas, our likes and dislikes. Etc Etc.

 

But we do have a problem his is married. And only there because of his children. And before I hear the random comments about how that is a lie. Just stop. I believe it wholeheartly and know 100% this isnt a lie.

 

So when I have been reading here I thought of something. How am I really the OW? He loves me , wants to be with ME. Makes times for ME. Enjoys his time with ME. Will be leaving for ME? The only thing she is a person he married because he had to and happens to be the mother of his children which he is stuck with stayin with for the happiness and best interest of his children. So how am I the other woman. She is. She the other person he has in his life for a temporary reason. I am HIS SO , I am his everything. With that being said AM I REALLY THE OW?

[norajane]

You are the OW because she is his wife in the eyes of the law, and in society, as well as his kids. His wife is not "temporary". He is not leaving her, so she is not the least bit temporary. He does not live with you - he goes home to his family.

 

Tons of people get divorced and their kids don't suffer. He is selfish and wants both you and his nice little life at home.

[herenow]

Simple answer: Yes you are definitely the other woman. No if, ands or buts about it. If he really wanted to be with you, he would. Like NJ said, many people get divorced and their kids do just fine. With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it has become socially acceptable and most kids do adjust very well.

[NoIDidn't]

Hey everyone, don't bite.

 

Of course she is the other. As long as he has a W that she is hidden from, she is the other until he does something to change that.

[Blue Phoenix]

Now to adress the orignal question I do see were your coming from with your statments op. But I also have to agree with what was said before theres realy no reason to stay for the children belive me. My parents did that and it was a nightmear I wish they would have just divorced long before the marrage turned to crap. If I were you I would talk to a few of the OW on this bord to gain more insight into your situation. And not be going on complete blind faith when he tells you things how old are the children?? I can't help but feel like that is the oldest excuse in the book tho for him to have his cake and eat it to do they sleep in seprate beds?? I just would hate for you to have such belife in this man to only find out later you bouth were being lied to and played.

[YoMomma]

I have been involved with a MM for quite awhile now. We have had several bumpy roads and always seeming to stay on the straight and narrow. We love eachother deeply. We are the best of friends.

 

We have even been compared by others as the male or female version of the other. Which is a laugh riot. We are very similar in our ideas, our likes and dislikes. Etc Etc.

 

But we do have a problem his is married. And only there because of his children. And before I hear the random comments about how that is a lie. Just stop. I believe it wholeheartly and know 100% this isnt a lie.

 

So when I have been reading here I thought of something. How am I really the OW? He loves me , wants to be with ME. Makes times for ME. Enjoys his time with ME. Will be leaving for ME? The only thing she is a person he married because he had to and happens to be the mother of his children which he is stuck with stayin with for the happiness and best interest of his children. So how am I the other woman. She is. She the other person he has in his life for a temporary reason. I am HIS SO , I am his everything. With that being said AM I REALLY THE OW?

 

Yadda...yadda...yadda... Sweetie she is far from temporary in his mind - and the longer he is married to her the more it's going to cost him in alimony once you two get caught doing the dirty. Well... that is IF she decides to kick him to the curb... and in all probability that ain't gonna happen. Just curious - when exactly did he tell you he was leaving his family for you? Did he give you a date ??? :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

 

:bunny: :bunny:

[Sevenmack]

Bluephoenix writes: Ok I'm sorry but thats just out of line I know your prob just trying to despence some tough love type of thing but you dident have to be that crude realy??

 

Yes I did. There are times when advice can be dispensed with sweetness, kindness and a cherry on top. And other times, the cherry of callous naivete needs to be, well, busted, broken and tossed into the trash. Her question, given her rather rosy outlook on this situation, deserves the latter.

[Seen_It_All]

But we do have a problem his is married.

 

LOL..."we" have a problem? He doesn't have a problem, YOU do. He's married because he chooses to be married. Ain't no problem for lover boy.

 

And before I hear the random comments about how that is a lie. Just stop. I believe it wholeheartly and know 100% this isnt a lie.

 

Well, if HE says so, it MUST be true, then.

 

How am I really the OW?

 

Why not stage a D-Day and you'll find out REAL QUICK how you're really only the OW. Real quick.

 

He loves me , wants to be with ME. Makes times for ME. Enjoys his time with ME.

 

That's when men DO when they want fun on the side. They make TIME for you because it benefits THEM.

 

Will be leaving for ME?

 

You have a better chance of Elvis singing at your own presidential inauguration than you do of that happening.

 

The only thing she is a person he married because he had to and happens to be the mother of his children which he is stuck with stayin with for the happiness and best interest of his children.

 

Give this man a Father of the Year award. Oh, the poor MARTYR lives his life in misery and all for the grand love of his children. The SAME kids, by the way, whose very family structure he CONTINUALLY risks every single day by playing with you on the side. Yeah, give this guy an award for putting his kids FIRST, yes sir. Puke.

 

She the other person he has in his life for a temporary reason.

 

LOL, sure...whatever gets you through the night. Alone.

 

I am his everything.

 

Well I'm sure you ARE...for that grand and glorious 45 minutes a day he squeezes out JUST for little old you.

 

Gosh, you're a lucky gal. Hey, does this prince amongst men have a brother? Hook a sister up, will ya?

[quankanne]

But we do have a problem his is married. And only there because of his children.

 

that answers your question in a nutshell – legally and socially, his primary bond is with the woman he married, so you are "other."

 

because he chooses each and every day to stay in his marriage "for the sake of his children," so morally, his relationship with his wife is primary. And you are delegated to status of "other."

 

simply put, until he makes his relationship with you his primary one in each and every way – morally, socially, legally – you will remain "other."

 

I don't doubt that he has "feelings" for you, but his actions greatly contrast what he's telling you. He might not "love" his wife the same way he says he loves you, but he still chooses to stay with her. No matter how much time he makes for you, he's not yours until he legally desolves his primary relationship. You provide convenience whenever he desires it, and are therefore easily expendible, compared to his wife and family.

[Sevenmack]

And to Phoenixblue: Guest isn't on some primrose path to glory. She's serving herself poorly by staying with someone who's not going to ever give her the real relationship she seems to crave yet unable to foster with a single, unattached man. The MM's lack of fidelity to his wife is a matter for him to deal with alone; you live with your own choices. But she's got to think about how her choices are making her little more than this guy's used condom.

[Blue Phoenix]

I understand what you were trying to prove seven I even said that. I just dont belive it was needed to be so crude about it. But I guess every one has there own ways of dealing with things some are just more crude and upfront then others!!

[Sevenmack]

quakanne writes: because he chooses each and every day to stay in his marriage "for the sake of his children," so morally, his relationship with his wife is primary. And you are delegated to status of "other."

 

That's right. And she needs to realize that his children aren't the sole reason for maintaining his relationship with his wife. He's staying with her because he's tied to her, perhaps even loves her -- and that's possible -- and can lose plenty if he leaves. And because he doesn't have to leave: She's satisfying his desires.

[frannie]

... she needs to realize that his children aren't the sole reason for maintaining his relationship with his wife. He's staying with her because he's tied to her, perhaps even loves her -- and that's possible -- and can lose plenty if he leaves. And because he doesn't have to leave: She's satisfying his desires.

 

And you know this how..?

 

Children might not be the sole reason a man stays married, but by the same token, loving his wife doesn't have to come into it either. If you really think that men stay married mainly because of loving their wife you're very mistaken.

 

I see what the OP is saying, and I feel exactly the same in my situation. I'm sure plenty of affairs are similar: it's the affair partners who are the main love relationship. Despite that, of course the terminology is right: the OW, and W, for these boards at least.

 

Personally, MM calls me his girlfriend, which seems a far more realistic way of putting things.

[Guest]

I didnt have to stage D-Day that happened and we are still together. And stronger then ever. They are together mearly for the childrens better well - fair. See there are these people in the world that actually put their kids needs before their own. And this minor glinch we have right now. Is just that minor. He has all intentions of leaving when the time is right. she knows who he loves. That was her decision to keep things going.

 

 

As far as the other comments. Oh well. I dont care what you might think about me or him. You know neither of us. But you want to live under the delusional blanket that men dont leave their wives or are just in the marriage for the children. Well, when you come out from under your blanket of mistruths know that this does exist in the world. Not every marriage is happy and together because of the husband and wife.

 

You cant help what happens later in your life. They just do. I am sorry you live under so little faith that people are good in nature and cant help when things happen in their life.

 

Are you one of those people that believe marriage is bliss. And when it falls to **** , stay in it. Because that is what you signed up for. Or are you one of those people that once your unhappy dont think about the kids but run to the lawyer and get out of the marriage as soon as possible.

 

I know I am an evil person. I fell in love with a MM and he fell in love with Me. I am what all BS's fear. I am the woman that he cant let go of. I am the one you know he loves and wants to be with. I am the one that when he looks at his wife on the sofa is saying to himself " I wish she was here". I am the person he has in his heart , his head, and in his soul. I am the true person that has him. Not even you have never even come close to the amount of love he has for me. And you know it.

 

So really am I the other woman? I am the first one in his heart, head and soul.

[Impudent Oyster]

I am HIS SO , I am his everything. With that being said AM I REALLY THE OW?

 

Yes, you are. REALLY. Honest to god. No kidding. Absolutely.

 

Any other questions?

 

Oh and Seen It ALL? You crack me up! Not to mention that you're absolutely right.

[sb129]

Guest, of course you are the OW. And you will never be his EVERYTHING because he has children.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, you are the OW. You do not have children with him, you don't live with him and you are not his wife! You didn't say vows to him either. You don't know his friends, his family, his neighbours.

 

You get the 'good stuff' on the side, the fun, the fantasy life that keeps him coming back for more when his home life gets too much for him - He can escape and be with you. Sorry to say this, but you need a big reality check...Yes, you are the OW.

[puddleofmud]

I suppose it would be how one defines "OW".

"OW" implies that there is another (woman) and that one is not the ONLY WOMAN.

If one is not the sole and ONLY partner than one or both is "other".

Terminology aside; I fail to understand how one could consider themselves anything other than "OTHER" if one's partner is not completely committed.

I would consider myself as "OW" (having been one) should I have a partner who does not spend the entirety of holidays with me but rather with another, doesn't answer the phone when he is with another, OWNS a home/ property with another, raises children with another, goes to social / family events with another, etc. etc. etc. as this could become a very long list...

As to being the sole and only "emotional" person in one's life--I am not seeing that one either as one is deeply emotionally connected to a partner who shares the aspects of family and all that contains.

OW is never given the option regarding the actual final very important emotional decisions about children, finances, in-laws, mutual friends, etc.

This is a harsh reality but a reality just the same.

Though there may be some amazing feelings of initimacy and emotional / romantic "sharing" the OW does not take precedent.

That is what makes one "other"--not just the term.

Been there done that and wish I could say different: but just can't and won't knowing that placating oneself will only "work" for so long before the picture becomes blurred and the truth sets in...

[Seen_It_All]

Jesus, where to start.

 

I didnt have to stage D-Day that happened and we are still together.

 

Oh, so Mr. Father of the Year is choosing to OPENLY disrespect his wife in front of his kids, is he? What a charmer. I'm still waiting for you to hook me up with a great guy JUST like him.

 

 

They are together mearly for the childrens better well - fair. See there are these people in the world that actually put their kids needs before their own.

Exactly WHAT color is the air on YOUR planet? This jerk-off isn't putting ANYONE'S needs ahead of his own - except his d*ck's, of course.

 

And this minor glinch we have right now.

Do you mean "glitch?" A "glitch" is a bump in the road, a bit of a screw-up that prevents something. So, you're basically calling his wife and kids a "glitch," (or GLINCH, excuse me) is that it? How very KIND of you to treat these people like they're insignificant collateral damage in your little war-path. Bravo. Your mother must be SO freakin' proud.

 

He has all intentions of leaving when the time is right.

Hmm...and remind me, if you would - when exactly will that be? When his grandkids graduate medical school?

 

she knows who he loves.

Hey, let me ask you something. Were you THERE when he and his wife had this conversation and he PROCLAIMED his great love for you? Were you? Were you standing RIGHT THERE IN THAT ROOM WITH THEM for that ENTIRE conversation??? From beginning to end???? Were you? Yeah, I thought not. So you're basically going by what HE tells you. A known lying cheater. I think I'd put more stock in the word of the Enron guys.

 

As far as the other comments. Oh well. I dont care what you might think about me or him. You know neither of us.

I don't have to KNOW you to know what you're really made of. Your words and deeds speak LOUDLY enough.

 

Well, when you come out from under your blanket of mistruths know that this does exist in the world. Not every marriage is happy and together because of the husband and wife.

Oh yes, I'M the delusional one <snort>. I'm not spending my time whiling away the hours - ALONE - just WAITING for that magical YEAR when some scumbag deserts his wife and family for ME. ME delusional? The only "mistruths" being told are to YOU by that lying cheater you're wasting your breath on.

 

You cant help what happens later in your life. They just do. I am sorry you live under so little faith that people are good in nature and cant help when things happen in their life.

Talk about delusional mistruths. You made a CONSCIOUS DECISION every step of the way to get involved with this guy. It didn't "just happen" and it wasn't scripted by the stars. You CHOSE to get involved, every single DAY, with a lying cheat. YOU MADE THIS BED by putting time and effort into it. So YES, you CAN help what happens. I'm calling PURE BULLSH*T on that lame excuse.

 

Are you one of those people that believe marriage is bliss.

This has nothing to do with bliss. It has to do with RESPECT. RESPECT for your fellow man. RESPECT for yourself and a sense of common DECENCY for others besides YOURSELF.

 

I know I am an evil person. I fell in love with a MM and he fell in love with Me. I am what all BS's fear. I am the woman that he cant let go of.

and totally oblivious to the fact that you're NOT the center of the universe. I can't WAIT until you take your fall from grace. And just an FYI - I don't "fear" your type at all. I'm disgusted by your type. I'm disgusted by anyone who who can't show a common decency toward their fellow man.

 

Not even you have never even come close to the amount of love he has for me. And you know it.

All aboard the DELUSION train, folks. Guess what, honey? If THAT'S what you think is 'love,' then you must be very young, indeed. Only the insanely young and dumb could make a statement like that.

[pricillia]

Guest, Although I agree with the others that you are the OW, I also agree that relationships often start in not the best situations, only time will tell what will happen between the two of you and where you will end up.

 

I would say that you need to be carefull in how much of yourself you invest in this man, if he is going to leave then that is good for you, but how long will you wait?

 

Be carefull!

 

And SIA...

 

Although some of your perspective may be correct and some may agree, You may not be sitting home waiting for MM to call you are miserable just the same...

[GreenEyedLady]

Guest: I think you already KNOW you are the OW...if you are really ok with that, why would you even come here and try to get others to agree or disagree with you...

 

If you're fine with it, that's what matters...you don't need to justify it...

[Seen_It_All]

LOL Pricillia, I'm not miserable at all. I'm not a BW, I'm in a healthy relationship with a very special person. Neither one of us are married, we're both divorced, so it's all good.

 

You don't NEED to be miserable or betrayed to be sickened by selfish people who sit around praying for the demise of someone's family unit so they can win their so-called 'man.' It's revolting to wish that upon an innocent woman and her children.

 

Regardless of my particular relationship status - whether I'm miserable, deliriously happy, or somewhere in between - a person like this is repulsive, and will elicit anger and disgust from others. I just don't sugarcoat it.

[Impudent Oyster]

He has all intentions of leaving when the time is right. she knows who he loves. That was her decision to keep things going.

 

So really am I the other woman? I am the first one in his heart, head and soul.

 

 

Um, yeah you REALLY REALLY REALLY are STILL are the other woman. How many times are you going to ask that?

 

Oh and let us know when he leaves. You know, when HE makes that decision rather than his wife. I'm LOL that you keep harping on how much this guy loves you yet his wife won't let him get divorced to be with you. Too funny!

 

I've got a great idea though, call up his wife and tell her that SHE is the OW and you want her to leave your man alone. Maybe then she'll let him leave.

[pricillia]

LOL Pricillia, I'm not miserable at all. I'm not a BW, I'm in a healthy relationship with a very special person. Neither one of us are married, we're both divorced, so it's all good.

 

You don't NEED to be miserable or betrayed to be sickened by selfish people who sit around praying for the demise of someone's family unit so they can win their so-called 'man.' It's revolting to wish that upon an innocent woman and her children.

 

Regardless of my particular relationship status - whether I'm miserable, deliriously happy, or somewhere in between - a person like this is repulsive, and will elicit anger and disgust from others. I just don't sugarcoat it.

 

so you were in this situation before, were you not... You then are just as repulsive...

 

No need to sugar coat anything an affair with a MM is devistating.

Anger and disgust... hmmm well you don't have to agree but how about some compassion toward another person of the same gender... after all everyone makes mistakes...

 

Don't justify it that is fine.. I am not asking you too, but you know how to really puch someone when they are down... so how is that helping?

 

Tough love is much different then what you dish out here, that is for sure.

[quankanne]

punching someone when they're down? Because most posters who are a third wheel in a marital relationship show some sort of thought process going on in their writings, even if they still choose to maintain their love affair with a married person.

 

so, the analysis continues ...

 

I fell in love with a MM and he fell in love with Me. I am what all BS's fear. I am the woman that he cant let go of. I am the one you know he loves and wants to be with. I am the one that when he looks at his wife on the sofa is saying to himself " I wish she was here". I am the person he has in his heart , his head, and in his soul. I am the true person that has him. Not even you have never even come close to the amount of love he has for me. And you know it. So really am I the other woman? I am the first one in his heart, head and soul.

 

here's some food for thought: You cannot be "first" in someone's life when they've refuse to take action reflects the fact that you are first. He can't let you go? Prolly because you're sucker enough to go along with the crap he's peddling. He loves you, wants to be with you, looks at his wife and wishes it was you instead? Why the hell does he stick with the woman if he can't stand her – and "for the kids" is a crappy excuse, because no child wants the burden of being the "reason" daddy screwed around, but refused to leave.You are in his heart, head and soul? Prolly. But until he can take you out infront of God and everyone and freely declare this to you, he's sucked you in bigtime, honey.