LucreziaBorgia Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Its not much of a stretch to see how a MM and an OW can consider themselves 'soulmates'. MM gets to step out of his reality and provide the OW with undistilled romance, sex, fun and passion while keeping the mundane reality that tends to dim passion at home. OW mistakes a single facet of a man for the whole man, and assumes that he "needs" her with his whole being when in fact she satisfies only a fraction of his needs. Because these needs are often unmet at home for a MM, he tends to overwhelm OW with his sexuality and passion, and comes on really strong - literally sweeping her off her feet. Both become blinded to everything else in their immediate need for each other. When you are blinded with passion, its pretty easy to mistake that for "all a man or a woman ever needs" and it is from this blindness that "soulmates" are born. What people fail to understand is that the needs a MM has for an OW are partial. He has other needs too: wife, family, community, status, legacy, career, etc. If you can't share in all of those needs and work together as a couple to fulfill those needs - sexual or otherwise, then you aren't really soulmates. Mates, yes - in that you fufill a certain set of needs, but not really soulmates in that you fufill that greater and more balanced set of needs. I think both wife and OW lose out on being a MM's soulmate - neither fufills a greater share of needs than the other really. He is splitting his needs amongst several woman. I would think that a man's soulmate would be the one who he would want to share his sexual AND non-sexual life with uninterrupted by any outside people.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 No, I don't believe in soulmates. I believe in chemistry, compatablity and common interests that compliment the relationship between a man and woman. Very succinct and to the point Jinxx, and I agree. An affair can't be seen as a relationship that compliments both the man and the woman, because as other posters have said, the married party is already spreading themselves too thin. (I am speaking from experience as an ex OW, so please don't all leap down my throat this is just one opinion) There's no such thing as 'soul mates'. There are only relationships with different levels of workability. There are hundreds, thousands if not millions of men that each woman can have a happy and healthy relationship with, but all of those relationships require work. Yes, some men you are just not going to 'fit' with, your values will be too different etc. and thus the workability of a relationship with that man has a very low score. We are all sold the fairy tale "they lived happily ever after" and we all buy into it because it's damn scary having to take sole responsibility of our own lives without a man providing for us and protecting us. Well, we're not children for ever and no one who's healthy, wants to be their partner's parent. Again, I agree. I have had several serious relationships, and the workability has varied for various reasons. The experiences I have picked up along the way have helped me sharpen my senses towards people who I WON'T have a workable relationship with (therefore narrowing the selection down by oh, about 5.99 billion), and also as I have gotten older my priorities and desires (ie my happilyever after requirements) have changed. Personally I really dislike the term, because it implies something mystical and directed by the Universe and all sorts of things which really I find counter to real life experience. It also implies 'one' 'true' and so on which is usually bunkum and leads to a lot of wooly thinking, sometimes it can get very mixed up with desire and infatuation. Life is far more complicated than the movies... well, unless you're a die-hard romantic. I just don't happen to be, I suppose. Agree with this too Frannie. In my case, i think I met my BF (who is the closest thing to perfect for me) at absolutely the right time for us both. We were both single, had both had failed relationships that we had learnt from, we have both lived a little, and we are both at the age where getting married and having kids is on the not-too distant horizon. If I had met him a couple of years ago when I was much more immature and self absorbed I may not have appreciated how great he is, and he says himself that a few years ago he was selfish and immature too, so it probably wouldn't have worked. It all these kind of things that lead to knowing if someone is right for you or not, NOT hearing a few words that anyone can say to you.
Impudent Oyster Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 If a man told me I was his soulmate I don't know what I'd do first, laugh or run!
puddleofmud Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 This is an old post of mine regarding the soul-mate question. Please forgive the words in red type--they are there due to my search for the old thread and I could find no means to change to colour. I firmly believe there is no such thing, however, when one fully commits to another one chooses that person as their soul-mate. In marriage one further commits to their particular "higher power", no matter the form of Spirituality, that this is the Soul Mate one chooses. Along with my personal opinion on this matter: my EX-MM of three years constantly, consistently and profoundly implored that *I* was his soul mate. That was prior to his evaporating into the ether without a word, explanation and ME wondering what was UP started trying to find answers: the most significant being that he was MARRIED.... "However, my reply is not from the stand-point re: extra-marital affairs, but in general regarding marriage and the idiology of "til death do us part". I may be the odd ball but I hold no belief that there is but one "soul-mate" for each and every person-- find that an antiquated idea--not that I don't believe that souls communicate/connect--far from it. My approach is always one of a Spritual Nature. Frankly, I don't know any other way of connecting with anyone, be it a person on the street or someone I feel that I am in love. With that said, I shall now completely contradict myself: I also don't believe in the "to death do us part" theory, never have, because I do not believe that souls are "parted" from one another (any souls we care for) after death (that's a whole other discussion point). However, when one commits to marriage one commits for a life-time. If one does not wish to uphold that philosophy than I feel one is best not to marry, or maybe just casually "co-habitate". I feel that marriage is what differentiates what is casual and what is a formal commitment. YES, I do realize that couples live together for a life-time without being formally married, but I would not be one of them nor would I consider living with someone w/out the commitment of marriage. Once one is married than one stays that way because one's soul has committed to another's--even if one seemingly finds some other "soulful" connection. Why? Because we are human and emotional and this gets the way of what marriage is about: a soulful connection are two souls learning and growing together--and nurturing that and only that connection. That connection grows over time with everything both endure TOGETHER. Marriage means that one chooses their partner to BE their soul-mate, their one and only soul-mate no matter what other soul connections come along. I don't recommend divorce nor do I disagree. When partners are inept about nurturing each other, then why stay married? If the Spiritual bond is broken and beyond repair then there is no reason to BE married. Additionally, the human concept of emotional "love" may not be the barometer of a good relationship. Love may make the world go 'round but it doesn't mean two people are "meant for each other". Love is just one aspect. Falling in love is intense and blinding. Being in love is awakening and exciting. Staying in love is WORK. If two people aren't good at working together and willing to nurture each other's Spirit than being in love won't last too long. Frankly, one's seemingly so called soul mate by not be able to tie their freakin' shoes! Being married means being committed to working together for as long as one lives...easier said than done...but I still believe it's possible. ;)"
Author Lightglowabove Posted March 4, 2007 Author Posted March 4, 2007 I never expected all these replies concerning my question about soulmates. I see some are truly upset with the idea of soulmates and others believe in them. My MM was the first to bring it up, not me. In fact, we are new to seeing each other (only 4 times!) so I was surprised and it was not an in-depth conversation. Just some coincidences that happened - that's why he said it. I asked him "why do you believe in soulmates"? and he responded "because I think that there is one person in this world that I'm connected with more than any other" and he thinks it's me. Is it a line? Probably. So that's why I'm not putting a lot of my heart into that statement. I do believe we can find a soulmate, and it's not necessarily the person you married. Just because you didn't marry your soulmate (if you believe in them), doesn't mean you love them any less.
silktricks Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 Just because you didn't marry your soulmate (if you believe in them), doesn't mean you love them any less. Love who any less, the soulmate or the spouse?
Meaplus3 Posted March 5, 2007 Posted March 5, 2007 I just had a conversation with my MM the other day and he shocked me with the question "Do you believe in soulmates?" He, of course, was referring to him and I. What exactly are soulmates to everyone? And, do you believe that you have a soulmate? I read your post and realized that I had this link saved. Not sure what I think about soulmates? http://www.soulmateconnections.net/soulmateconnections.html AP
IpAncA Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 No I don't believe in soulmates. I think that when two people click it takes hard work to keep the relationship going and if two people are committed to keep the relationship going, it will. But if this guy your seeing believes that you are the one for him then he would take the necessary procedures to be with you. One would be divorcing his wife. Whether or not he does that is unknown.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 It depends on your portrayal of a soul mate. To me when most people use the word soul mate, they are implying that there is one person that is defined as the right person for them (intervention). There are many right persons for you, that is a fact. And in this context the expression "soul mate" is null. People that believe in soul mates in this perspective are the same people that believe in other fantasy objects such as astrology, religion, luck, and faith based beliefs. They are a need to feel connected to something higher than we are, and they are all purely an emotional driven thought. I know I'm going to get some **it for this but I can assure you that you that this is truly the case.
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