Soulmates.........a Question

[Lightglowabove]

I just had a conversation with my MM the other day and he shocked me with the question "Do you believe in soulmates?" He, of course, was referring to him and I.

 

What exactly are soulmates to everyone? And, do you believe that you have a soulmate?

[whichwayisup]

He isn't your soulmate and you are not his because he is already married to someone else.

 

If he really feels this way, then he'll divorce his wife and marry you. I mean, why on earth would he not want to be with his soulmate? Obviously if he feels this way, he doesn't think his wife is the "one."

 

You have no idea how many times MM tell their OW that they're soulmates...

Just go read some threads in this section.

 

And, you're going to be real hurt if he doesn't leave his wife.

 

How long do you intend on being his OW? Settling for less than you deserve?

[BenThereDunThat]

I second WWIU. Soul mate is just one of many terms MM throw around because women respond positively to them.

 

If you were truly his sould mate, love of his life, whatever, he would leave his wife in order to be free to start a life with you.

 

Thousands of people get divorced every day. Except MM's with OW's on the side. Why? Well, why not?

[Izzar]

Did he think his wife was his soulmate when he married her?

I believe you only have (1) soulmate in your lifetime.

[Jinxx]

No, I don't believe in soulmates. I believe in chemistry, compatablity and common interests that compliment the relationship between a man and woman.

[alphamale]

I second WWIU.

I third that motion.

 

Thousands of people get divorced every day. Except MM's with OW's on the side. Why? Well, why not?

why would MM want to get divorced when he's already got the best of both worlds?

[Guest]

Exactly right Alpha. He would be a mug to do that.

Tell him you want a future with him and then see if you are still his soulmate.

What does he say to his wife--you are my lifetime mate?

 

The only way to find out if you are his soul mate is to refuse to be the OW anymore, take back some control, get your self respect back and let him know you are serious. He will make a decision, even if it's not the one you want, at least you will know. If he offers you nothing but second best--well who on earth would want that? Move on.

[whichwayisup]

why would MM want to get divorced when he's already got the best of both worlds?

 

Excellent point.

 

Your MM is selfish and wants to have his cake and eat it too. The chances of him leaving his wife are slim to none.

 

Does he have children?

[Lezbean]

IF and thats a big IF there are such things as soul mates you are NOT his.

 

Wouldn't the Universe have introduced you two first BEFORE he married his first "soul mate", his wife?

 

What a schmuck he is. GO find yourself a single available "soul mate".

[BenThereDunThat]

I third that motion.

 

 

why would MM want to get divorced when he's already got the best of both worlds?

 

Nail. Head. You hit it.

[herenow]

IMO, a MM or OW uses the words "soul mate" when they want to try and rid themselves of the guilt of doing something that they know is wrong. If they say they are "souls mates" then they can say that there was a higher power that brought them together. Bunch of baloney because I'm sure if asked the MM would tell his wife that she is his "soul-mate" also.

 

I agree with Lezbean, if there was a higher power involved, he wouldn't be married to his wife and he would be free to do the will of the higher power and be with you. Not happening that way, is it?

[Guest]

I agree with WWIU also.

 

Woman love words that make us feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll or give us the warm fuzzies.

 

Nothing would keep me away from my soulmate. Be prepared to hear this in the future when it ends: " I am so sad I found my soulmate but at the wrong time in this life. I'll love you forever but I just can't leave my kids or(insert reason). I've never felt this before and I'll never forget you." Blah blah blah. Whoa is me.

 

His soulmate is at home. Don't believe me? Make him choose.

[nevermore]

where any sexual favors by you to him rendered after this conversation of 'soulmates'?

[YoMomma]

where any sexual favors by you to him rendered after this conversation of 'soulmates'?

 

I think most MM only talk like this BEFORE the favors are rendered Yes, I am speaking from experience...

[Tomcat33]

Lightglowabove:

 

Of course you can meet your soulmate in the most odd way possible. According to hollywood and all the fantasy literature, and to the fairytales we were brought up on soulmates happen magically and under the most perfect of conditions. If I assume we are all grown ups here reading and writing in this forum, it is also safe to assume that living as an adult has also proven to most of us that the reality of life is VERY different from what we see in movies and read as children. We never read about life's hardships about the crappy cards we are dealt with to overcome to help us grow and to form us into unique individuals.

 

That said, me personally I do believe in soulmates, in fact I met mine while he was in an unhappy marriage, a marraige of comformity if you will..a marriage without true love ever happening it was just a union of two people who started out as roomates and ended up married after 5 yrs of living together because it was the "next logical step to take" That's not love nor is that meeting your soul mate.

 

I'll tell you this much my boyfriend tells me this all the time "from the very first day that I met you I started imagening having children with you, seeing you walk down the isle at our wedding, and that has never happened to me in the past EVER, this is what I always thought love should feel like"

I'll never forget those words...because it is a reminder of how many marriages happen that way in the way of comformity. If they do they are bound to fail. The variant is whether the person who married for convenience will have enough personal strength and caracter to face up to his/her huge life mistake, and seek out a more realistic way of life.

 

 

IF and thats a big IF there are such things as soul mates you are NOT his.

 

Wouldn't the Universe have introduced you two first BEFORE he married his first "soul mate", his wife?

 

What a schmuck he is. GO find yourself a single available "soul mate".

 

Lightglow, be careful what you ask around here there are some people who just want to hurl poison. My best advice to you is to weigh out your pros and cons with this man, and see if it is at all feasible that he might leave his wife, otherwise you will only end up in a lot of pain and with many lost illusions. BUT you could very well be soul mates, only you and him know that we don't.

 

I got lucky, he did not have children, we are soulmates, and he was already thinking of leaving his wife before I came into the picture.

 

But to answer your question, yes soul mates DO exist, even if they happen under the worst possible conditions.

[Rooster_DAR]

No, I don't believe in soulmates. I believe in chemistry, compatablity and common interests that compliment the relationship between a man and woman.

 

Absolutely the truth here.

 

Ask all the poor divorced couples out there who swore their spouse was their soulmate, that will give you a better perspective on the question.

[silktricks]

I just had a conversation with my MM the other day and he shocked me with the question "Do you believe in soulmates?" He, of course, was referring to him and I.

 

What exactly are soulmates to everyone? And, do you believe that you have a soulmate?

 

My husband has always said that we are soulmates. Of course, that didn't stop him from cheating, so if we are maybe that's why I forgave him. . .

[LilDarlin]

Lightglowabove:

 

Of course you can meet your soulmate in the most odd way possible. According to hollywood and all the fantasy literature, and to the fairytales we were brought up on soulmates happen magically and under the most perfect of conditions. If I assume we are all grown ups here reading and writing in this forum, it is also safe to assume that living as an adult has also proven to most of us that the reality of life is VERY different from what we see in movies and read as children. We never read about life's hardships about the crappy cards we are dealt with to overcome to help us grow and to form us into unique individuals.

 

That said, me personally I do believe in soulmates, in fact I met mine while he was in an unhappy marriage, a marraige of comformity if you will..a marriage without true love ever happening it was just a union of two people who started out as roomates and ended up married after 5 yrs of living together because it was the "next logical step to take" That's not love nor is that meeting your soul mate.

 

I'll tell you this much my boyfriend tells me this all the time "from the very first day that I met you I started imagening having children with you, seeing you walk down the isle at our wedding, and that has never happened to me in the past EVER, this is what I always thought love should feel like"

I'll never forget those words...because it is a reminder of how many marriages happen that way in the way of comformity. If they do they are bound to fail. The variant is whether the person who married for convenience will have enough personal strength and caracter to face up to his/her huge life mistake, and seek out a more realistic way of life.

 

 

IF and thats a big IF there are such things as soul mates you are NOT his.

 

Wouldn't the Universe have introduced you two first BEFORE he married his first "soul mate", his wife?

 

What a schmuck he is. GO find yourself a single available "soul mate".

 

Lightglow, be careful what you ask around here there are some people who just want to hurl poison. My best advice to you is to weigh out your pros and cons with this man, and see if it is at all feasible that he might leave his wife, otherwise you will only end up in a lot of pain and with many lost illusions. BUT you could very well be soul mates, only you and him know that we don't.

 

I got lucky, he did not have children, we are soulmates, and he was already thinking of leaving his wife before I came into the picture.

 

But to answer your question, yes soul mates DO exist, even if they happen under the worst possible conditions.

 

 

Thats a bit hasty and niaeve.

 

What about the wife? If she is his "soul mate" she will be devestated by his affair. Soul mates and true love are not supposed to hurt and disrepect each other.

 

Hope the kids are uderstanding when Daddy tells him Mommy isn't his soul mate anymore and he found a new one.

 

Lez is right. He is a schmuck.

[Tomcat33]

Thats a bit hasty and niave.

What about the wife? If she is his "soul mate" she will be devestated by his affair. Soul mates and true love are not supposed to hurt and disrepect each other.

 

Hope the kids are uderstanding when Daddy tells him Mommy isn't his soul mate anymore and he found a new one.

 

Lez is right. He is a schmuck.

 

What if the wife was never the soulmate? what if they were like thousands of those couples who married due to feeling like it was "the next step" What about if you gave up believing in "soul mates" and thought it a myth because it never happened to you? What if you met your soulmate later in life and realised it truly did exist and you felt a great deal of guilt for making vows to someone that at a young naive age you thought this was as good as it gets, and later in life you come to realise you were young and naive and far from the mark?

 

Are you suppose to stay married to someone like a prisoner?

C'mon we only get one go at this thing called life. If you are not the type of person who is a serial cheater or has an illness with this, you verywell could find your soul mate later on thinking that never existed.

Children or no children we are ALL entitled to our own happiness. Even if it means doing the most painful thing, which leaving one relationship behind to start another.

 

I like how everyone uses the "children"card to their advantage....children suffer most when they life in a home with parents that are unhappy together, children are not stupid.

 

Life is not Black and White.

[Curmudgeon]

Thankfully, I never did think the ex was my soulmate. But I finally found the one who was after the ex left me and I've been married to her for the past 10 years.

[Trialbyfire]

Please read "He's not that into you".

 

Most people will do almost anything if they truly believe you're the one, including leaving an existing marriage and family.

[cbl]

I just had a conversation with my MM the other day and he shocked me with the question "Do you believe in soulmates?" He, of course, was referring to him and I.

 

What exactly are soulmates to everyone? And, do you believe that you have a soulmate?

 

i do believe in soulmates. and i believe one has more than one soulmates in his/her life time.

 

having said that, it doesn't mean soulmates will eventually get together, nor does it mean that the relationship between soulmates and/or any couples will last forever. situations can change. people can change. it's more important to identify and recognize the change, the gaps, and the situations between the two, and do something about it.

 

people can get married because one feels "this is the one" or simply for the sake of convenience. and soulmates might not be able to get married due to long distance, marital status (already taken), religious reasons, etc. i don't feel a need to overanalyze a situation. but as long as it is well assessed, and both are aware it's not possible to get together, then let it be. when the next one (and the right one) comes along, one will know.

[SoleMate]

Sad/funny how one silly little word & concept like "soulmates" can provide the justification for a whole mess of bad, destructive behavior. Check out my screen name and you'll see the only kind of "solemate" that actually exists.

 

Love between two people is based on the mutual fulfillment of important emotional needs (EN). If someone does a great job fulfilling your most important ENs over a period of time, and a few other factors are present, you WILL feel love. The longer and better the fulfillment, especially in comparison to your history and baseline, the more powerfully you will feel that you have found your "soulmate". If you are a woman with low self-esteem, and a MM comes on hard telling you that you're beuatiful and special, he'll look amazingly like a soulmate for a certain period of time.

 

IF and thats a big IF there are such things as soul mates ...Wouldn't the Universe have introduced you two first BEFORE he married his first "soul mate", his wife?

That's a dose of rationality that will be lost on the infatuated.

[Ripples]

There's no such thing as 'soul mates'. There are only relationships with different levels of workability.

 

[i'm talking from a female perspective here, but you can change woman for man and vice versa, I believe it applies equally]

 

There are hundreds, thousands if not millions of men that each woman can have a happy and healthy relationship with, but all of those relationships require work. Yes, some men you are just not going to 'fit' with, your values will be too different etc. and thus the workability of a relationship with that man has a very low score.

 

We are all sold the fairy tale "they lived happily ever after" and we all buy into it because it's damn scary having to take sole responsibility of our own lives without a man providing for us and protecting us. Well, we're not children for ever and no one who's healthy, wants to be their partner's parent.

[frannie]

Personally I really dislike the term, because it implies something mystical and directed by the Universe and all sorts of things which really I find counter to real life experience. It also implies 'one' 'true' and so on which is usually bunkum and leads to a lot of wooly thinking (see this thread for examples )

 

However, saying that, I can definitely identify with a feeling that you've met someone who is perfect in every way for you, and you feel a really deep connection and 'rightness' about. I wouldn't even begin to try to analyse that or where it comes from... and I think that sometimes it's for good, solid reasons... sometimes it can get very mixed up with desire and infatuation.

 

I'd never use the term myself, but as long as someone's not talking about the Universe and 'one true' and all that... then I can definitely say that people can gel in this way and I've felt it myself.

 

Now what it means when someone says that to you..? Could mean a hundred different things. But one thing is certain... words, feelings, and actions are all separate entities... it's only when they all match up that I would take a lot of notice of words.

 

On the other hand, I don't think that just because you gel with someone on that deep level that means that it's possible to just drop everything you have already in your life and begin again. Life is far more complicated than the movies... well, unless you're a die-hard romantic. I just don't happen to be, I suppose.