Guest Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 we have been broken up for about 9 months but continue to work together. it is a situation that is so professionally and financially beneficial to me that I can't stop working there. I have tried so hard to separate my heart from the situation, however every time I see him (twice a week) I feel like I suffer a setback in my recovery from our break up. He ended things saying it just wasn't meant to be, that he couldn't commit (despite his initial passion and desire to be with me, plan a future, etc)...which totally broke my heart. We definitely had a lot of issues and couldn't communicate properly, but I loved him all the same. I continue to struggle with questions as to how things fell apart, wonder what could have saved our relationship, how I could have fallen in love with someone capable of hurting me so badly,etc. I admit that I have been a mess since we broke up, no matter how I try to make myself appear to be ok with everything. I work at a few different places, however the organization my ex and I both work for is the job I hold most important. It is a very exclusive professional opportunity and I cannot, should not, nor would not leave my position on account of a failed relationship with a co-worker. The only problem I am having is that I cannot separate my mind from my heart, and struggle every time I see my ex...almost instantly forgetting all the lies, deceptions and addictions he subjected me to, and only dwelling on the love I felt for him, the love I thought we had, the physical attraction I feel for my lost love. I know it's sick...I know I should focus on all the bad stuff, on all the garbage he brought into my life...that by now I should've let go and moved on...I hate it. I know I am hurt by his rejection, and realize that we will not (and should not) be getting back together...but why does it seem so complicated and difficult? Am I just not able to get past his rejection, or is there more to it than that? I get asked out all the time and go on dates, but have not been able to take anything seriously, much less persue a new relationship. I am still hung up on him and don't know how to get these feelings to stop. I know it would be easier if I didn't see him so often, but, as I explained things are complicated. Anyone ever been in a situation like this? To quit working with him would be quitting my professional dream, but is there a way to make it work without driving myself crazy??
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