Getting a second chance

[Summer2000]

Hello everyone,

 

I just wanted to let people know there is hope sometimes..

 

My ex dumped me about 6 months ago, I was so depressed, hell, I wanted to die, I could not eat, sleep or anything.. I almost lost my job and all..

 

Somehow I was able to move on.. I started to date new people and going out with friends again.. My ex would call and I would ignore the calls.. Now in the past I would sit home and wait for the call.. so this was a good start for me to ignore his calls..

 

Well, a few weeks ago he showed up at my door, crying, telling me how it was a big mistake to let me go.. We are talking about moving into together and all..

 

How I did this was, if I ever answered his phone call I would always be in a hurry to get off the phone.. I acted like I did not need him anymore.. When he would ask me to come and see him, I would say " okay, maybe on so and so day " when that day came he would call me to see if I was still going to see him, I then told him I was sorry something came up.. I always made him think about what I was up to..

 

Well come to find out he now knows the grass is not always greener on the other side..

 

So if anyone wants there ex's back, please just let them be, and if it was meant to be they will be at your doorstep.. If they do not come back, well.. then that is there loss..

 

Just try and keep yourself busy and don't call or e-mail them good bye letters.. Just let them go and let them know you are stronger then what they think you are..

 

I hope this helps..

 

Summer

[temptris33]

I posted "He cries and tells me that he loves me". You are right. I wish i could ignore him completely. He calls I answer. I did ignore his call last night tho and I posted what he said on the message. I just wonder (if you read it) if it's worth holding on to hope? Or should I just be gone and let him wonder....wouldn't that push him away even further???????? HELP ME. Its so hard...I can't even eat anything. It sucks.

[Guest]

Thank you for your post Summer. I needed to hear that this morning.

[Starlight Starbright]

It has been a month since my ex and I broke up and he has called me twice and admitted he is missing me a lot. He wanted to be able to continue talking to me as "friends." He said that he didnt think that would prevent him from moving on as long as we did it responsibly. Well, I told him that I thought it would prevent me from moving on, and so I didn't think we should talk anymore.

 

I know you are not supposed to announce NC you are just supposed to do it, but in my case, he KEPT asking me if I thought talking as friends was ok. I think since he was missing me a lot, he was rushing into the whole "lets be friends" thing.

 

Now I am so scared. Should I not have told him that we can't talk anymore? I thought that us talking as "friends" would actually make things easier on him, by letting him know I would still be there for him, thus easing his panic about breaking up with me.

 

People, do you think that if they love you and they are going to come back, that straight up enforcing NC versus playing "games" with reduced contact will really make a difference?

 

Help!

[Summer2000]

when my ex and I broke up, I was calling him all of the time, I would e-mail, text, etc.. I cried to him, yelled at him and just tryed to talk to him to get him to change his mind and fall in love with me.. But that never worked.. So enough was enough, my self esteem was so damaged it was not even funny..

 

So I thought I would just move on.. So when he called I would either ignore the call a few times and maybe call in a few days, or I would pick up the phone and act like I was in a hurry..

 

I hate playing games, and I know it is very immature, but I did not know what else to do, but to move on.. I was not trying to play games with him, but I guess in the long run it worked..

 

He now tells me it was the biggest mistake ever to let me go.. He is such a sweetie now.. I will not let him forget that he hurt me so deeply, and I did not jump right back in the reationship either.. I made him work for me..

 

If I can say anything it would be to just move on with your life, and if it is meant to be he will be back.. In the meantime you may even realize that he/she is not meant for you..

 

By not talking everyday does not mean you are pushing that person away, it just means that you are standing up for yourself and you are not going to allow that person to hurt you anymore.

 

One way or another that person hurt you, and its up to you to find out if he/she is really the person you want to be with..

 

My ex and I were together for a year, i fell in love with him almost right away.. He told me that he loved me, but he was not falling in love with me, so he ended it with me..

 

Now he knows that he does love me and he did fall in love with me.. He was scared and he freaked..

 

I know things are hard right now, hell, I was there, I promise you I was a mess! But things did get better, and if he never came back, well, either way I know I was a great catch and I was not going to allow him to cry over him anymore.. I was moving on one way or another..

 

I know it seems like you can't be without your ex and in the back of your mind you think of him/her with someone else.. But tell yourself this.. Is anyone really better without you?? Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are the bomb!!! this is his/her loss, not yours... If they come back, then it is meant to be.. If not, well there are millions of fish in the sea.. Trust me..

[Davis]

Hi Summer. Sounds like you're on cloud nine. I don't want to rain on your day, but..... I think you need to take it very slowly. That includes not moving in together. In my experience and from what I have seen, these relationship rarely work out because of the previous issues. I took my ex back and three months later it was over again. I don't know what the real issues were behind him breaking up with you.

 

I would not excuse his breaking up with you because "he was scared and he freaked". I would not assume because he "worked" to get you back that it will work out between you. Nor would I say that "If they come back it was meant to be". It may be that you were meant to learn the lesson that this was not the right person for you. I really hope it does work for you, but be careful and don't be naive. Good luck!

[DyingHeart]

I was going to post something, but Davis seemed to sum it up perfectly.

 

As what Davis said, take it slowly, and see where it goes from there.

 

But, please do protect yourself, and not let yourself get too involved just yet.

 

If he left you because he freaked, and now he's saying he feels differently about the situation, I would still procede with caution.

 

Best of luck to you, and I hope this will be a second chance success story

 

Hugs,

DH

[Summer2000]

Oh trust me, I am talking it slow with him.. I don't want to get hurt again.. I am also not going to move in with him right now.. Before I sell my house for a man, is the day I get that 5 caret ring!!! Hee hee

 

Thank you for your advise and I will keep you all posted..

 

Summer

[Guest]

Remember he is a cop. He is just telling what you what to hear. Stop being the victim. You need to grow up and move on to another guy.

[Davis]

Before I sell my house for a man, is the day I get that 5 caret ring!!! Hee hee

 

Did you really just say that? I hope you're kidding and you're more mature than that. Don't let the "ether" or high of this relationship get the best of you. Remember, he "freaked out" before. That should be a big red flag for you. To me that shows that he has intimacy problems. Those are usually not overcome easily. I have to re-iterate to you that these "recycled" or "second chance" relationships rarely ever work out. Have you REALLY looked at his issues and why he broke up with you? Has he REALLY done anything, i.e. counseling, to resolve his issues? Have you REALLY looked at him, his personality and his traits and you're sure he's the type of guy you want to be with? I understand you have emotions for him, but use your brain and don't let your feelings cloud your judgement. Keep us posted!

[Icantletgo]

Did he date anyone too?? My ex and I of 3 years broke up and he is dating someone he is now in love w/. Bear in mind we broke up 2 months ago. Anyways, my point is....maybe he went back to you cause he didn't have anyone else??? He also started calling me again 2 weeks ago when he and her started having problems. And of course I would answer...and BIG MISTAKE. they are going out again and everything is fine..and guess what? no more calls. I feel like an idiot.

[Summer2000]

I was kidding about the ring.. It was ONLY a joke..

 

Now about me and my ex.. well yes I love him.. He told me that he dated a girl for a couple of weeks and that was it..

 

He told me that he was scared, and he will not be able to deal with things.. I know things do not change over nite, but I also know that he cares for me and I care for him..

 

I am not walking into this reationship again to fall on my face.. But I will give him the chance to make that change with me..

[Guest]

Is this the same guy that gave you a sexual transmitted disease? Didn't this guy also cheat on you twice that you know about? I thought you also said once a cheater always a cheater. I just saying I hope you don't get hurt again.

[CaliGuy]

Hello everyone,

 

I just wanted to let people know there is hope sometimes..

 

My ex dumped me about 6 months ago, I was so depressed, hell, I wanted to die, I could not eat, sleep or anything.. I almost lost my job and all..

 

Somehow I was able to move on.. I started to date new people and going out with friends again.. My ex would call and I would ignore the calls.. Now in the past I would sit home and wait for the call.. so this was a good start for me to ignore his calls..

 

Well, a few weeks ago he showed up at my door, crying, telling me how it was a big mistake to let me go.. We are talking about moving into together and all..

 

How I did this was, if I ever answered his phone call I would always be in a hurry to get off the phone.. I acted like I did not need him anymore.. When he would ask me to come and see him, I would say " okay, maybe on so and so day " when that day came he would call me to see if I was still going to see him, I then told him I was sorry something came up.. I always made him think about what I was up to..

 

Well come to find out he now knows the grass is not always greener on the other side..

 

So if anyone wants there ex's back, please just let them be, and if it was meant to be they will be at your doorstep.. If they do not come back, well.. then that is there loss..

 

Just try and keep yourself busy and don't call or e-mail them good bye letters.. Just let them go and let them know you are stronger then what they think you are..

 

I hope this helps..

 

Summer

 

 

A+ advice. Move on with your life. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

[Davis]

Now about me and my ex.. well yes I love him.. but I also know that he cares for me and I care for him..

 

Ok. You love him and he cares about you. So? To quote Dr. Laura (regardless of what you think of her): "Love is not enough". That means that just because two people love each other madly does not mean that's enough to make a relationship work. If one person has intimacy issues (like possibly your guy) it can make it next to impossible.

 

I think you're going into this a little blindly. No offense, but I think all of us here hate to see others on here get hurt. Your situation does concern me. Don't just put your blinders on and go forward. Hopefully you will keep my concerns and the other's here on LS in the back of your mind and think your way through this relationship and not act solely on your emotions. I do hope it works for you and you find happiness.

[Summer2000]

Thank you Davis, for your words.. You make a lot of sense..

 

I really am going into this very slow.. I am 30 years old, and I would like to have a family one day.. So if I feel he is playing games again, then I will now know what to look for.. If I see changes in him to where he does not seem to care again, then I will walk away.. I am done making excuess for him..

 

I know I love him very much, I am not one of these woman where I meet a man and say " this is the ONE" but from the first day I met him I felt a strong bond with him..

 

I really have a feeling that things will work out for us, and if they don't.. well, that is something I will have to live with.

 

I know about love and I know sometimes love is not enough, I was engaged years ago to a man I dated for 7 years, well we loved each other very much, but in our case, love was not enough.. We are now best friends, and we will always love one another, but we can never go down the road of anything more then a good freindship..

 

But with the guy I am with now, well.. we get along great, we are very close to one another..

 

So I really hope we work out, but again, if we don't.. Well this is my problem for allowing him to hurt me again.. But as I said before, I am not walking into this head first, I am moving very slow...

 

Summer