msswitch Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 My marriage of 10 years to a narcisistic uncaring unaffectionate man ended. Hurray! I decided I would spend some time alone, but instead met "Mr. Wonderful". MW is very affectionate, loving, caring, doting, gives me the world and loves me like his life depends on it. He cooks me fabulous dinners with candlelight and balloon settings. He runs a bath for me after a hard days work. He washes my hair. He can't sleep unless his arms are wrapped around me. He calls me often or sends texts to me at work just to say how much he loves me. All he wants for his birthday is to spend the day alone with me. He does my laundry, carries my bags (even pocketbook while I shop). He loves to spend his time with me at the mall shopping. He's incredible, the man of many a women's dreams. BUT... he whines when I'm not with him. He calls me very often to see if I'm "okay". He pouts if I'm cooking dinner and I don't take a few minutes to check on him while he's in the living room. He asks me if I love him at least 3 times an hour. He is constantly worried that something will happen to me when I'm away from him. He doesn't hang out with friends or family, only me or by himself when I can't be with him. I'm torn. l love the attention and all that but I'm suffocating under his neediness. Do I let him go because of his neediness (knowing that I'll prbly never find another guy who treats me so wonderfully)? Or, do I put up with his constant need for reassurance?
Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Mr. Wonderful may seem wonderful when compared to your ex. He is providing you with the attention & love you did without for so long. So, he is filling a need you had. While all of that feels great for awhile, it seems you already are having doubts about him. From your description, he is needy, emotionally immature, and very insecure. You said yourself, "he smothers" you. Which means he isn't all that "wonderful", and you aren't truly happy in this relationship. I think you answered your own question.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Well, you've gone from one extreme to the other it seems. What do you know about Mr. Wonderful's past relationships? I mean with women and his family. He sounds VERY insecure. I have a tendency to be somewhat insecure myself, but I am getting past that with the right partner. Maybe Mr. Wonderful can get past it too, but if he has no outside distractions other than you it may be tough to handle his constant needs for attention and affection. I tend to wrap my identity and happiness around a person and it makes for a pretty miserable existence during a breakup. I do have children and that never allows me to be alone for long, but I tend to let my friendships crumble while in a relationship. My friends are all very busy people, so they probably don't notice that I'm not around as much, but I end up feeling guilty to lean on them so hard when things go bad. Mr. Wonderful needs some friends or hobbies that do not include you, as I'm sure you have interests that don't include him. I would suggest limiting your time with him if you haven't already done so and see how he handles it. I he drives you nuts, you will know if you can put up with this long term or not. Sometimes all the reassuring words in the world just cannot make a person feel secure and loved. I wish you well!
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