iwantherback Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Just out of curiosity, What goes through the dumper's head? Satisfaction, guilt, anger, sadness? I know it depends on the relationship circumstances, but most break-up's are similar. How long do they stay angry? When do they actually break and confess and actually conversate properly. How long does it take them to be clear-headed about things? There are probably a billion answers, but are there any ideas out there? (especially from the dumpers... lol)
Sun_Conure Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 I can talk only about my own experience. Usually I take my time to decide if I want to break up with someone. As I have very good reasons for the break up, I feel relieved when it is over and I do not want them back. EVER Only once in my life, I broke up not because I wanted to but because I did not know what else to do, played mind games. I still regret it and wish I had another chance ...
boshemia Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Whatever is in their mind, you need to remember... it isn't you. No they probably didn't want to hurt you, most people will avoid a break-up as long as they can because hurting you hurts them too... at the very least they feel some guilt. However, it usually has very little to do with you. It's not because you weren't pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, or sexual enough. When weighing out their happiness they felt that something else would make them happier at the moment than you. Many times they live to regret it, many times they do not... for awhile every guy I dated went on to marry the next girl they dated, and often within a very short period of time. I hated myself and used to joke that I was so neorotic that they just married the next woman that came along to avoid another relationship with someone as messed up as I was. As it turned out the women they married weren't so sane themselves, hidden meth addictions, grand theft and forgery arrests... it didn't really have anything to do with me. Since I am still friends with many of them they basically told me that there wasn't anything wrong with me, I had some minor problems, I was clingy, too emotional, used baby talk... minor things. They just felt more of a connection with the women they married... that was it... Right now I'm asking my husband for a divorce, and he just doesn't get it... all of the things he wants to talk about have nothing to do with it. I'm just happier without him than I was with him...
Sun_Conure Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Well, actually when I dumpted guys it was always something about them. They were missing something or had some habits that really annoyed me or were bad in bed (not curable) or just simply annoyed me. However, I always realized that in reality it just meant that I did not like those guys enough. Although they were perfectly good guys, they were just not right for me. That is why I always had good reasons for breaking up, did not play mind games or used those guys, knew I did not want them, and NEVER came back to them. Except for one, but that relationship is soo unhealthy ...
boshemia Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 However there are times when you really love someone that you choose to overlook those annoying habits... Some people just weren't meant to be a couple, but that doesn't mean that the dumped person is cursed to live life alone, it just means it didn't work with that person... That's what I meant about it's not about you (the dumpee) I once dumped a guy because he chewed too loud, there were many other things... but that loud smacking was just the last of my nerves exploding. We were not meant to be together...
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