Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Oh for heavens sake, thanks for making a slight against MY character- how hypocritical of you when you tell me I don't know a damn thing about you. You don't know a thing about me either. At the very least, I am trying to be non-judgmental, and try to get youto see the bigger picture as is everyone else. What do I have to gain from scoring points off you? i see a man who is very hurt, but i know for a fact that anger and bitterness will only poison you and your kids, I have seen it happen. I have NEVER said your wifes cheating was justified. Its the WAY YOU ARE HANDLING IT THAT I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH. I have made mistakes, and I do not have to justify them to you, but I would like to remind you I am an EX-OW, who has learnt a very hard lesson in life, and been dreadfully hurt along the way. So my feelings are just as valid as yours. I LEARNT from my mistakes, and will not repeat them again. I have met a wonderful man who is perfect for me. BEcause I LET GO of all the hurt and anger and betrayal that was my previous relationship. I hope you DO kick your wife out. Because then at least there will be some resolution to this matter, and MAYBE then you can start to heal, and even get another chance with someone else. Well you aren't the same as alot of the other OM/OW here who think it is their entitlement to fill their "needs" at someone elses expense. I apologize...sorry about that. It seemed to me that you were defending my wife like so many of these other entitlement princesses and princes...I know..thats not what you were doing...but it just seemed that way to me....so I apologize. Exactly! Don't let off steam at the expense of other peoples feelings on here SC. NOBODY on here has done anything to you, no matter howmuch their behaviour may "disgust" you. Despite the fact that you have insulted both me and my intelligence, I still don't like seeing how bitter and angry you are. I feel its a losing battle. No, they didn't do anything to me...but the ones I go off on are doing the same thing so someone like me...and it pisses me off. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there are terrible people like that in the world. The only steam I let off on are the people that don't care about anyone else but their own "needs" and that their little "needs" supercede the damage they are doing to a family. Again..I know that isn't you..you learned and moved on and didn't stay in your relationship because you felt entitled to it. So my apologies to you again. Oh how poetic. This is the pot calling the kettle black isn't it? This is exactly how you are behaving. Nope...because in that analogy...the cheater is the kid who wants to take the ball home because the other kid isn't "perfect".
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Do you know what? Trying to reason with you is like trying to argue with a child. ThumbingMyWay is giving you some excellent advice. And its actually not that different to the advice I have given you. Take action. Go into MC, leave, kick her out, just please DO something instead of pouring scorn and wisecracks on everyone else here. I do not and have never condoned your wifes actions. I think REGARDLESS of whether someone has cheated, if you have small children, rolling in at 4am regularly is taking the piss. You need to sort these issues with HER. Or a third party. Despite your terrible attitude, I hope it works out for you. And hopefully you will soften up a bit towards people who are trying to help you on here eventually.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 The next time she rolls in at 4 am. Have 2 bags packed. One for her and one for you. Tell her if she dosent leave the house, then you will. Grab your bag and leave for a few days. I think she needs to see consequences in action Actually, that sounds like a great idea...only one small adjustment...the only bag that will be packed is hers.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 And hopefully you will soften up a bit towards people who are trying to help you on here eventually. Soften up to people who are truly trying to help...sure..I can do that. Taking an insult like I am to blame for being betrayed....never happen. I know people are saying that saying people have a part in their own betrayal is not the same as being blamed....but the betrayed don't see much difference...there is a fine line between the two.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 I hope you DO kick your wife out. Because then at least there will be some resolution to this matter, and MAYBE then you can start to heal, and even get another chance with someone else. Well..if I do get a divorce, even at 38, I won't be finding anyone else. That is shi!t I don't need ever again. I may, and its a slight may, date...but I will never make another committment to anyone.
Mustang Sally Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 SC - I'm confused and need some clarification on what's going on with your wife right now. Is she still hanging at the clubs until the wee hours? Or is she just threatening to do this? Or is she not doing it at all because you have asked her not to? Or something else entirely? I wasn't really sure what her behaviour is right now (I got confused with your post earlier today at 4:19 pm), but I was guessing she was NOT clubbing anymore because you said you wouldn't put up with that. Thanks for the clarification.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Look, truce SC. We have bickered all week on various things, and I accept your situation is very tough right now, and I know how it feels to be hurting. I can see most of your points of view, and I appreciate you apologising- a glimmer of softness methinks? You are right, it is a fine line. But I really hope you end up finding peace...and happiness. How that may be remains to be seen, as the situation is far from resolved. I don't think I have anything else to offer this thread, except I would like to reiterate you considering the possibility of therapy. Whether you have joint therapy or individual- its so good to be able to let it all out to au unbiased third party who is trained to help you deal with it. I found it invaluable at helping me with my self esteem etc. It was money well spent for me.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Well..if I do get a divorce, even at 38, I won't be finding anyone else. That is shi!t I don't need ever again. I may, and its a slight may, date...but I will never make another committment to anyone. Easy to say now- pretty sure most of the people on the breakups thread will be saying the same thing.. but you never know Sc, you just never know. Maybe your perfect lady is out there- one who loves giving BJs?? Time for me to go to bed. All the best mate.
Jinxx Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 One thing I won't stand for is people like Jinxx who think it is a cheaters' entitlement to betray someone when things just don't absolutely go perfectly for them. If that were the case...everyone would cheat. Excuse me but I NEVER said it is my entitlement to betray someone else, NEVER. Your assumption of who I am is dead wrong and I don't have to justify anything to you. XMM and I did what we did. I live with that every day. I can't change the past but I can certainly make better choices in the future.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Excuse me but I NEVER said it is my entitlement to betray someone else, NEVER. Your assumption of who I am is dead wrong and I don't have to justify anything to you. XMM and I did what we did. I live with that every day. I can't change the past but I can certainly make better choices in the future. He is coming round to understanding that Jinxx.
NoIDidn't Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 SC When people here say that you aren't perfect, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your W's A. It has everything to do with YOU stating that YOU have done nothing wrong EVER. It is not a blanket excuse for cheaters to use for cheating. It is not a justification of her actions taken before you even M. I haven't given one justification for her actions yet, but you are certainly twisting and turning my words and those of others to mean something that they do not. You are getting a kick out of being angry. It makes you feel something that you probably haven't felt in a long time hanging out with the kids: powerful. Well, its a temporary power. And it causes far more damage than her A ever did. You are not perfect. Your W is not perfect. Your kids are not perfect. Go ahead and find a way to say that I am justifying her A with the above words. I am done on this thread (unless the tone changes). Dump the bitterness and the anger sooner than later.
moon&stars Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 SC When people here say that you aren't perfect, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your W's A. It has everything to do with YOU stating that YOU have done nothing wrong EVER. It is not a blanket excuse for cheaters to use for cheating. It is not a justification of her actions taken before you even M. I haven't given one justification for her actions yet, but you are certainly twisting and turning my words and those of others to mean something that they do not. You are getting a kick out of being angry. It makes you feel something that you probably haven't felt in a long time hanging out with the kids: powerful. Well, its a temporary power. And it causes far more damage than her A ever did. You are not perfect. Your W is not perfect. Your kids are not perfect. Go ahead and find a way to say that I am justifying her A with the above words. I am done on this thread (unless the tone changes). Dump the bitterness and the anger sooner than later. So very well said, I think you summed up most posters and readers on this thread, their thoughts about his whole attitude. He doesn't get it. Salicious, when you responded to my question that I asked you, why are you on an advice forum, when all you want to do is bash, you said you wanted to help other people before they got in your situation, before they got married. With your anger, bitterness, the way you respond to others in other threads, and your unwillingness to work on your marriage, go to counseling, really try to work things out with your wife, you can't possibly help anyone, regardless of which thread you reply to on this forum.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 SC - I'm confused and need some clarification on what's going on with your wife right now. Is she still hanging at the clubs until the wee hours? Or is she just threatening to do this? Or is she not doing it at all because you have asked her not to? Or something else entirely?. She is pushing it...she isn't going, but wants to...and just the mere fact she wants to pisses me off. I told her that she knows how I feel about it and that her telling me she wants to go pisses me off. She tried to say that she will be going once...I told her I won't stop her...she can do whatever she wants...but don't expect to be able to come back home after the night is over.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Easy to say now- pretty sure most of the people on the breakups thread will be saying the same thing.. but you never know Sc, you just never know. Maybe your perfect lady is out there- one who loves giving BJs??. LOL...the not getting BJs was just a silly little example of how I perceive it to be totally ridiculous that people cheat if not everyone one of their petty "needs" are met. I don't care if I get them or not and I sure as hell won't cheat if I don't.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Excuse me but I NEVER said it is my entitlement to betray someone else, NEVER. Your assumption of who I am is dead wrong and I don't have to justify anything to you. XMM and I did what we did. I live with that every day. I can't change the past but I can certainly make better choices in the future. You never outright said it...your words spoke platitudes. And when you said crap like, "I bet she gave them to her boyfriend", referring to BJs...it just showed that you think cheating is funny and you poked fun at someone betrayed. Trust me, I don't care...you are someone I don't know...and by your words, don't want to know, and someone I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 He is coming round to understanding that Jinxx. To certain people like you sb..yes....but not Jinxx. I have read what she has said in other posts and she does have a sense of entitlement and its all about her "needs"...to hell with anyone else.
Woggle Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 SC I would just divorce her. You have every right to be angry but it is better to just move on and learn to be happy again. Next time try to stay away from women with entitlement mentalities.
sb129 Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 LOL...the not getting BJs was just a silly little example of how I perceive it to be totally ridiculous that people cheat if not everyone one of their petty "needs" are met. I don't care if I get them or not and I sure as hell won't cheat if I don't. Oh lighten up dude, I was trying to make you laugh. Cos you need to laugh!! I don't think that Jinxx has any entitlement theories? She is an ex OW too. SC I would just divorce her. You have every right to be angry but it is better to just move on and learn to be happy again. Next time try to stay away from women with entitlement mentalities. I agree. Acting like she wants to leave would annoy me too. I would say- "just go then."
Jinxx Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 You never outright said it...your words spoke platitudes. And when you said crap like, "I bet she gave them to her boyfriend", referring to BJs...it just showed that you think cheating is funny and you poked fun at someone betrayed. Trust me, I don't care...you are someone I don't know...and by your words, don't want to know, and someone I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You, the marriage/commitment expert -- Your opinion only matters on these issues and angry/bitter or not, most posters are sick of of your arrogant attitude you portray. And with respect to the BJ comment -- I bet it is killing you inside the thought/mental image of your wife sucking another mans dick and enjoying it, something you said she won't do for you. You have a hard enough time knowing she spread her legs for another man, something she still does for you but does she really enjoy it? Bet she just goes along with it to appease you. I'm not poking fun of you nor do I enjoy it, so keep on putting words in my posts -- you are wrong. You seem to forget I am a former BS and KNOW what you are going through -- I have lived it. I'm just throwing back at you a taste of your own medicine of the way you treat some posters here, ones who are trying to help you. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy on you either so that is something we agree on. Get some professional help. Only then is when you will begin to heal.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 And with respect to the BJ comment -- I bet it is killing you inside the thought/mental image of your wife sucking another mans dick and enjoying it, something you said she won't do for you. You have a hard enough time knowing she spread her legs for another man, something she still does for you but does she really enjoy it? Bet she just goes along with it to appease you. WTF would you say something like that to SC. That's just cruel. I'm just throwing back at you a taste of your own medicine of the way you treat some posters here, ones who are trying to help you. Yeah but there are other ways of showing someone a point you're trying to make without making it a low blow.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 And with respect to the BJ comment -- I bet it is killing you inside the thought/mental image of your wife sucking another mans dick and enjoying it, Nah...don't bother me in the least. Thanks for taking the bait though,....with your reply..I knew you'd prove me right about you.
RecordProducer Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Don't know...don't care. Either way, cheating is selfish, despicable, and deplorable behavior. PERIOD.Why don't you divorce your wife? Was your marriage good before the affair? How about your sex life? I really feel for you, because no matter what her motives, you're hurting and I am sorry. BTW, what were her motives?
Sup Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 coming home at 4am from clubbing with some trampy friends of hers when the clubs close at 1am....conflicting stories from her friends as to her whereabouts on a couple of occasions I just happened to ask about to account for her 3 hours after the clubs closed...that and her cell phone being off. That's enough for a Divorce right there. From the looks of it, I can be wrong, but, I think she's still been cheating...... Have you installed a keylogger yet? Hired a PI? Anything?!
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 3, 2007 Author Posted March 3, 2007 Why don't you divorce your wife? Was your marriage good before the affair? How about your sex life? Yes and yes. I really feel for you, because no matter what her motives, you're hurting and I am sorry. BTW, what were her motives? her motives? I could care less...it is irrelevant....but if you must know..all she says is that it was a stupid thing to do and it was new.
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