whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Until SC makes the choice to WANT to let go of his anger and try to work through the bad feelings, things won't ever change. His wife could run through hoops on fire and it won't make a difference until he decides to trust her again. SC I know you're pissed off, feeling hurt and betrayed. Nothing about your situation is easy but you can make a difference by going to talk to someone to help you cope better.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Good call thumbing my way. I think thats what we are all trying to say.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Whats the use MzPixie. He still uses the same old litany....... Do you even READ some of what we are saying Salacious Crumb? Sure I do...I am not going to accept that her cheating is justified by the argument that I may have not been perfect....NOBODY is...yet some choose to cheat and others know what love and committment are all about. I am actually starting to feel sorry for your wife and kids. Particularly your kids. You are setting them a "fantastic" example re: forgiveness and tolerance towards loved ones. You don't know a damn thing about my demeanor at home...I am happy when I'm at home...my kids make me happy. And yes...it doesn't surprise me that you blame me for being angry and only THINK I am setting this example at home Cue: Fireworks and "well SHE is setting them a great example because she is a cheater"...save it mate... it happened before the kids came along. Nope...she has lied about her whereabouts after the kids were born...her whereabouts while I was happy to watch them so she could have fun. That aint gonna happen again. So you can save it...You don't know a damn thing. Do your kids a favour- sort yourself out. Its the least you can do for them. Actually...cheaters, OW/OM and people like you are really helping me to make a decision...it looks like I will be forced to kick my wife out. And why? you and the rest of the people...like Jinxx...are showing me that she is the most selfish form of person on earth. Therefore...she will probably be packing her bags pretty damn soon. And I will fight for custody of my kids...even if it takes every last red cent. I don't want my kids growing up thinking cheating is justified.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 I do to and am beginning to suspect his wife is a victim of emotional abuse. I'm sure you'd love to think that is true.
Art_Critic Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 And I will fight for custody of my kids...even if it takes every last red cent. I don't want my kids growing up thinking cheating is justified. Not fighting for custody doesn't send the message to your children that cheating is justified.. You should make every single decision based on what is best for the children and not was is best for you. How is a long drawn out expensive court battle good for the kids ? Do you have an attorney right now ?.. I think if and when you do get one that you might change on how you proceed down that divorce/court path. It seems as you are just blowing off steam right now.. but when it comes down to it you will see that vengance isn't a good thing to show your kids.
Jinxx Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I'm sure you'd love to think that is true. Uh - no I don't. I think it is sad that you have so much anger and bitterness -- hatred too bottled up inside of you in such that you feel compelled to take it out on individuals on this forum rather than face your own problems at home. A good MC will help you with that but you are in such denial that you refuse to even give it a chance. You continue to post how it is up to your wife as to what the future brings and how she will be the one to leave the family home and not you. You cannot force to make your wife leave if you wind up divorcing -- that is unless you have such a hold and control over her that she feels she needs to leave to get away from you, thus the emotional abuse comment. As usual you continue pass judgment on me when you do not know me.
MySugaree Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 What function is this Thread serving? Support? No way. SC has alienated almost everyone and has managed to make his adulterous wife look good in the process. He does not seek support as much as a fight with whomever dares disagree with him. Education? Hardly. We keep going around and around in SC's domestic psychodrama. Positions have hardened. Entertainment? No, again. There's too much rage and bitterness, here. Not even irony can save this Thread. All Threads eventually reach a point of diminishing returns. We've passed that point, here.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 What function is this Thread serving? Support? No way. SC has alienated almost everyone and has managed to make his adulterous wife look good in the process. He does not seek support as much as a fight with whomever dares disagree with him. Education? Hardly. We keep going around and around in SC's domestic psychodrama. Positions have hardened. Entertainment? No, again. There's too much rage and bitterness, here. Not even irony can save this Thread. All Threads eventually reach a point of diminishing returns. We've passed that point, here. I agree!!!!!
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Not fighting for custody doesn't send the message to your children that cheating is justified.. No, but being raised by someone who will excuse their actions and try to justify does send that message. You should make every single decision based on what is best for the children and not was is best for you. I think it would be best for them and their future to be with me. First of all...she sure as hell didn't think about them when going clubbing, turning off her phone, and lying about her whereabouts at 4am. Secondly, it would be better for their future. If she got custody, I could pay for child support and gladly would. they are my children and their well-being is my #1 concern. but even with the child support, she won't be able to take care of them as well as I could. Most importantly, if she has custody...I will not be able to pay for college and I do not want to throw their futures away like that. bottom line, all of this is happening due to her actions. I didn't want this. I loved her, but I was a fool. How is a long drawn out expensive court battle good for the kids ? So a cheating wife should just automatically get the kids because she is a woman? Do you have an attorney right now ?.. I think if and when you do get one that you might change on how you proceed down that divorce/court path. No, I don't have one, but I have one in mind and the one I'd use if i decide to kick her out. It seems as you are just blowing off steam right now.. but when it comes down to it you will see that vengance isn't a good thing to show your kids. ya, I'm blowing off alot of steam...problem is...there are some cheaters and people who date cheaters that stand up for my wife's infidelity. So they may be helping me to make the decision to pack her bags. I'm not saying we won't divorce...but I still have alot to be angry about...she still lies about alot of things probably because she doesn't want confrontation...but I have just learned to drop it at home and concentrate on my kids, my house, and most importantly, myself. We'll just have to see. One thing I won't stand for is people like Jinxx who think it is a cheaters' entitlement to betray someone when things just don't absolutely go perfectly for them. If that were the case...everyone would cheat.
moon&stars Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Quote: I just believe that MC will help just about anyone with their problems. There is something to be said about sitting before a third party who is not emotionally vested in your relationship and getting outside advise. Quoted reply from Salicious: Ok..you say there is something to be said....well...what is it? If you don't know what it is...how can you say that? Your anger at wife isn't what bothers me as much as the way you reply to posts, as in the above. You twist peoples advice, and reply with smart a** comments. You don't really want advice, you are just here to bash others. So why are you on an advice forum anyway?
Art_Critic Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 .but I still have alot to be angry about.. Thanks for the replies.. you are right that you still have a lot to be angry about... You were betrayed by your wife.. that was not your fault.. It think that you could benefit from seeking a MC.. I used a marriage counselor to try and save my marriage and in the end I used her to get out of the marriage. Sometimes and objective 3rd person close to the situation is good for figuring out how to deal with things..
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Quote: I just believe that MC will help just about anyone with their problems. There is something to be said about sitting before a third party who is not emotionally vested in your relationship and getting outside advise. Quoted reply from Salicious: Ok..you say there is something to be said....well...what is it? If you don't know what it is...how can you say that? Your anger at wife isn't what bothers me as much as the way you reply to posts, as in the above. You twist peoples advice, and reply with smart a** comments. You don't really want advice, you are just here to bash others. So why are you on an advice forum anyway? Because i came here to give advice to people in my situation that have an easy out. I was lied to, cheated on..but she never told me to keep me from calling off the wedding. So she went into our marriage with a lie...I never knew. I also was so naive to see that she was playing me while we were married....oh she was good too. Made me feel like we had a real marriage and I never doubted her....until I found out...then all of her front door entrances at 4am made too much sense and I started questioning. Anyway, I came here to give advice to people who had been betrayed and deceived and are not yet married and have kids so they don't wind up in the same situation as me. but when I get here, I find alot of cheaters, and people who sleep with other peoples spouses that defend that kind of behavior...and sorry...it pisses me off that there are people like this in the world that don't care one squirt of piss for anyone but themselves. As long as they get "theirs", to hell with everyone else. So regardless..I'll continue to tell it like it is to people who wonder if they should stay with a cheater so that they don't wind up in a situation like mine....or worse yet...have kids with someone who lied to them and deceived them before and after marriage.
MySugaree Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Quote: I just believe that MC will help just about anyone with their problems. There is something to be said about sitting before a third party who is not emotionally vested in your relationship and getting outside advise. Quoted reply from Salicious: Ok..you say there is something to be said....well...what is it? If you don't know what it is...how can you say that? Your anger at wife isn't what bothers me as much as the way you reply to posts, as in the above. You twist peoples advice, and reply with smart a** comments. You don't really want advice, you are just here to bash others. So why are you on an advice forum anyway? Why, pray tell?
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 Thanks for the replies.. you are right that you still have a lot to be angry about... Not according to most of the people on this forum I don't. You were betrayed by your wife.. that was not your fault.. Once again, not according to some of the people on this forum. It think that you could benefit from seeking a MC.. I used a marriage counselor to try and save my marriage and in the end I used her to get out of the marriage. So it failed in your case to repair the marriage. I commend you on getting out...I wish it were that simple for me. On one hand I think..."ok...she won't be going out to clubs with her friends any longer and we can get past this".... Then on the other I say, "I want to go home and pack her belongings as soon as I get home". Sometimes and objective 3rd person close to the situation is good for figuring out how to deal with things.. the defensiveness I have is towards the people who are suggesting I am to blame because I am not perfect. NOBODY is perfect...yet not everyone cheats when things don't go exactly how they want. Its like a kid saying, "if you won't let me win, I'm taking my ball and going home".
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 I'm not saying we won't divorce...but I still have alot to be angry about...she still lies about alot of things probably because she doesn't want confrontation...but I have just learned to drop it at home and concentrate on my kids, my house, and most importantly, myself. We'll just have to see. yes...you do have alot to be angry about. i did too....and I hung on to it for a long time.....but fortunately, my wife and I had MC and ourselves to talk about it....and we talked and talked and talked....we worked thru it. It her coming home at 4 am gives you suspisions, then get to the bottom of it. If she thinks its OK to do that, and you dont....then maybe you need a 3rd party to give there opinion so you can BOTH see it from an outsiders POV I dunno....it seems to me you BOTH are avoiding the problem and not communicating your issues....you CANT walk this tightrope much longer before it breaks man....casue its going to come to a head.....now which head it comes to is up to you.... So you just keep it (anger) in and focus on you and the kids while at home. How is that going to help you? How will your wife know you are not happy with her actions and you dont trust her unless you TELL her and explain why given her actions? Its not....and it wont until you make a choice to do something! ok....bottom line crumb.. Do you want to save this marriage? if yes, then humble yourself and COMMUNICATE all your anger to your wife in a non treatening way and tell her you both must do MC to help make it work. If anything...tell her how angry your still over the whole thing...write a letter...sometimes its easier to do it in writing becasue you can be detailed and use more feeling words....which is what you have to use.......tell her how her actions make you FEEL. Tell her you are thinking about divorcing her....tell her point blank....that if her behaviour doesnt change to a point were you are both comfortable and that those actions are within a set boundary of behaviour....if she cant abide by agreed to boundarys, tell her you will leave her....SHAKE THE WALLS MAN.....get her thinking about what she is doing...but you have to communitate it... You want her to be accountable?....then set these bounderies...and if they are broken, make sure she knows the consequences....which is divorce or separation. I know there were a few things that made me angry....unrelated to my wifes affair....things priot to the affair. Becuase I communicated them and told what they do to me....I asked her to abide by some bounderies in relation to what I didnt like. Mostly her mouthing off at me or belittleing me in public....especially if shes been drinking. i was very pointed and direct that I would not be treated that way anymore...I wnet so far as to say I would consider leaving the marriage if she continoued to disrespect me according to my definition of repsect. And ya know what.....she has kept that boundary ever since. And if you answer to saving the marriage is NO....then go get the dam lawyer and file. Heck, maybe she wants out too man.....
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 but when I get here, I find alot of cheaters, and people who sleep with other peoples spouses that defend that kind of behavior...and sorry...it pisses me off that there are people like this in the world that don't care one squirt of piss for anyone but themselves. As long as they get "theirs", to hell with everyone else. brother...i am right there with ya....it disgust me too. I will NEVER understand some posters justifiation for the affair. IMO, its just plain WRONG. And I will never understand the choice to have an A. BUT...BUT....after all I have been thru...and all the stories I read here on LS.... I can honestly say....I understand both sides....do I agree...NO Fing way...but I dont tread in there boots.....they have to live in theres. Do yourself a favor....dont worry about other people here....esp the cheaters....I have found that dwelling on all the cheaters on LS did not help me...it made me cynical. So I turned (still turning) a new leaf to give advice in a non threatening way...so as to hope the cheater will see the truth of there actions. Venting my anger with "in your face" attitude...i did it over and over...and it did nt help me or them. It hindered me from movning on, becasue all I did was sit here at my desk and shake my head and got pissed off......
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 SC, listen to Thumbs...He's one of the most understanding, giving and patient people here on LS. Quite wise too! We all just want to see you heal and let go of some of that anger. If you don't, it will eat you up for a long time, making you feel worse than you have to feel.
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 SC, listen to Thumbs...He's one of the most understanding, giving and patient people here on LS. Quite wise too! We all just want to see you heal and let go of some of that anger. If you don't, it will eat you up for a long time, making you feel worse than you have to feel. thanks WW and shes right. Regardless of how your situ turns out crumb....I am telling you from experince....you MUST shed the anger. You must learn how to do it. I harbored it for a long time....and it led me into depression....i was depressed for almost a year....I dont even remember the summer of 2005...its a blur...it affected my health, my job, my friendships and my kids....IT ****ing sucked man. But I had to endure in order to get thru....I had to CHOOSE to be happy...I worked at it....I had to tell my brain to let go....dam...i am still doing it. But from experience...because I choose to let go...I am a much happier and motivative person. I am more direct with my needs and VERY verbal with disappointment from my wifes actions. I finally stood up and got out of my "box of fear". am i in the clear....no.....we will always be working on this marriage....if we dont evolve it as we go...it will just become what it was before....which neihter of us want.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 So you just keep it (anger) in and focus on you and the kids while at home. How is that going to help you? How will your wife know you are not happy with her actions and you dont trust her unless you TELL her and explain why given her actions? she knows I am not happy with her partying and that will be a deal breaker if she wants to keep the family together. She knows how I feel when I know she turns her cell phone off and that she can't account for her 3 hours after the clubs close that her friends just can't seem to get the story straight. trust me...she knows. She knows I feel I have been played a fool and will no longer put up with it. So it isn't a matter of me not communicating to her what I don't like...its a matter of her still lying. ok....bottom line crumb.. Do you want to save this marriage? I'll be perfectly honest...I just don't know yet. Its too soon for me to tell. Its been only 6 months and its still too fresh. I say to myself on some days..."yes...thumb, trial and a small handful of others are right...I have to get past this and get the focus away from my anger." then there are other days when I say, "f#ck this shi!t" and feel like going home and packing her bags for her. if yes, then humble yourself and COMMUNICATE all your anger to your wife in a non treatening way and tell her you both must do MC to help make it work. If anything...tell her how angry your still over the whole thing...write a letter...sometimes its easier to do it in writing becasue you can be detailed and use more feeling words....which is what you have to use.......tell her how her actions make you FEEL. Tell her you are thinking about divorcing her....tell her point blank I have...thats when she starts balling and telling me she doesn't want that...she had her mother come over because she couldn't talk one time and her mother spoke for her because she was broken up...her mother begged me not to leave. So yes...we have talked about this and she knows how serious of a situation she has forced us into. but on the other hand she still really wants to be going back out and partying and I told her that is a deal breaker if she really doesn't want me to tell her to go live with her mother. You want her to be accountable?....then set these bounderies...and if they are broken, make sure she knows the consequences....which is divorce or separation. Those boundaries have been set and although she hasn't broken them...she is trying to push the limits of those boundaries which is why I am still angry. As far as my anger in here...I just get angry with cheaters trying to justify what they are doing and people that sleep with other people's spouses without a care who they are helping to hurt. The way i am here and at home are completely different...if nobody believes that...I really don't care. I know there were a few things that made me angry....unrelated to my wifes affair....things priot to the affair. Becuase I communicated them and told what they do to me....I asked her to abide by some bounderies in relation to what I didnt like. Mostly her mouthing off at me or belittleing me in public....especially if shes been drinking. i was very pointed and direct that I would not be treated that way anymore...I wnet so far as to say I would consider leaving the marriage if she continoued to disrespect me according to my definition of repsect. And ya know what.....she has kept that boundary ever since. Well at least she isn't trying to push the limits of that boundary like my wife is. And if you answer to saving the marriage is NO....then go get the dam lawyer and file. Heck, maybe she wants out too man..... If the answer was cut and dry for me to give a definite yes or no, and it was NO...trust me, i would have filed by now.
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Whats eating away at me is the constant visions, that I know will NEVER go away, is of her spreading her legs for someone else when she claims to love me. I got this from page one, post 23. dude....no they dont go away....at least not yet for me. But they are not as frequent...which is nice...but I learned that dwelling on it DID NOT HELP ME. I still look at my naked wife....or when we are having sex and I go down on her....I still get visions that some other man was doing this with her....and then seeing her have an orgasm with me.....knowing that she had them with someone else....well.....it just plain sux man. I see the old van we sold to the babysitter...and every time I see it...I get a vision of her in the backseat getting her pooch groomed by some guys tounge.....nice hey? I get you man...I am there too. BUT...theres my BUT again...if you wnat to get thru this....you have to let go....its hard, I aint lieing man....its fricking hard....but if you want to save this marriage...you BOTH have ALOT of work to do....and MC can help you with it. I just dont like to see a brother down like I was....I know how it feels dude. My wife admitted to a ONS. We went to counseling for 8 months...then she dropped the bomb...she lied the whole time. To me, to the MC to our pastor.....truth was she was in a full blown EA/PA from 8 months prior to the false truth of a ONS to 8 months after.....thats 16 months.....all to which i was majorly decieved. Some people here dont know why I stayed....but I did. We both did...but we both had ALOT of work to do to make it better. Make a choice dude....your just wasting time and energy with this....
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 brother...i am right there with ya....it disgust me too. I will NEVER understand some posters justifiation for the affair. IMO, its just plain WRONG. And I will never understand the choice to have an A. BUT...BUT....after all I have been thru...and all the stories I read here on LS.... I can honestly say....I understand both sides....do I agree...NO Fing way...but I dont tread in there boots.....they have to live in theres. Do yourself a favor....dont worry about other people here....esp the cheaters..... Well that is some advice I will definitely be taking up. But I WILL still give advice to those who are faced with a cheater that still have the opportunity to save themselves. I was deceived and finding out after marriage and 2 kids, its a little more complicated for me to just say...f#ck it and just kick her out...although that still may be a possibility. But I will still tell someone that if they have been cheated on and they are not married with no children to get out before they regret it. I just tell them, "believe me, you don't want any part of it". If I can help someone avoid the same situation I am in, that makes me feel good actually. And if they are married, but no kids...I'd say the same. Its up to them if they want to get rid of the cheater, but I wouldn't blame them one way or the other...I just know on some level they'll regret it later.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 SC, listen to Thumbs...He's one of the most understanding, giving and patient people here on LS. Quite wise too! We all just want to see you heal and let go of some of that anger. If you don't, it will eat you up for a long time, making you feel worse than you have to feel. Oh yes...you, thumbs, trialbyfire...and sorry if I missed a few others, ...I take those comments to heart. Its the people that have cheated who try to get me to think that it was partly my fault, which I think is a load of shi!t, that I don't have any respect for. To say that the betrayed is partly to blame is to say the betrayed had it coming....sorry...the cheaters will say that to the end of time to appease their own guilt whether they know it or not.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted March 2, 2007 Author Posted March 2, 2007 But from experience...because I choose to let go...I am a much happier and motivative person. I am more direct with my needs and VERY verbal with disappointment from my wifes actions. I finally stood up and got out of my "box of fear". Thumb..I like ya alot man. I do respect what you have to say..don't think I don't listen....my anger does make it look like I am just brushing it aside...but I am not. One thing I will say...you said you are VERY verbal with dissappointment....some in here would say that is you throwing it back in her face and always will. I don't see it that way...I think a cheater needs to be reminded from time to time...just not every day and every hour. There are also a few people on here that see a man who was betrayed that finally found his backbone as a sign of becoming an abuser...since I stood up and stopped becoming a doormat and "manned up"....i was told that I was punishing her. I see it as standing up for myself...they saw it as punishing my wife. Just seemed like too much defense of my wife.
sb129 Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Sure I do...I am not going to accept that her cheating is justified by the argument that I may have not been perfect....NOBODY is...yet some choose to cheat and others know what love and committment are all about. You don't know a damn thing about my demeanor at home...I am happy when I'm at home...my kids make me happy.And yes...it doesn't surprise me that you blame me for being angry and only THINK I am setting this example at home So you can save it...You don't know a damn thing. Actually...cheaters, OW/OM and people like you are really helping me to make a decision...it looks like I will be forced to kick my wife out.And why? you and the rest of the people...like Jinxx...are showing me that she is the most selfish form of person on earth. Therefore...she will probably be packing her bags pretty damn soon.And I will fight for custody of my kids...even if it takes every last red cent. I don't want my kids growing up thinking cheating is justified. Oh for heavens sake, thanks for making a slight against MY character- how hypocritical of you when you tell me I don't know a damn thing about you. You don't know a thing about me either. At the very least, I am trying to be non-judgmental, and try to get youto see the bigger picture as is everyone else. What do I have to gain from scoring points off you? i see a man who is very hurt, but i know for a fact that anger and bitterness will only poison you and your kids, I have seen it happen. I have NEVER said your wifes cheating was justified. Its the WAY YOU ARE HANDLING IT THAT I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH. I have made mistakes, and I do not have to justify them to you, but I would like to remind you I am an EX-OW, who has learnt a very hard lesson in life, and been dreadfully hurt along the way. So my feelings are just as valid as yours. I LEARNT from my mistakes, and will not repeat them again. I have met a wonderful man who is perfect for me. BEcause I LET GO of all the hurt and anger and betrayal that was my previous relationship. I hope you DO kick your wife out. Because then at least there will be some resolution to this matter, and MAYBE then you can start to heal, and even get another chance with someone else. As usual you continue pass judgment on me when you do not know me. And me. What function is this Thread serving? Support? No way. SC has alienated almost everyone and has managed to make his adulterous wife look good in the process. He does not seek support as much as a fight with whomever dares disagree with him. Education? Hardly. We keep going around and around in SC's domestic psychodrama. Positions have hardened. Entertainment? No, again. There's too much rage and bitterness, here. Not even irony can save this Thread. All Threads eventually reach a point of diminishing returns. We've passed that point, here. Quote: I just believe that MC will help just about anyone with their problems. There is something to be said about sitting before a third party who is not emotionally vested in your relationship and getting outside advise. Your anger at wife isn't what bothers me as much as the way you reply to posts, as in the above. You twist peoples advice, and reply with smart a** comments. You don't really want advice, you are just here to bash others. So why are you on an advice forum anyway? Exactly! Don't let off steam at the expense of other peoples feelings on here SC. NOBODY on here has done anything to you, no matter howmuch their behaviour may "disgust" you. Despite the fact that you have insulted both me and my intelligence, I still don't like seeing how bitter and angry you are. I feel its a losing battle. Its like a kid saying, "if you won't let me win, I'm taking my ball and going home". Oh how poetic. This is the pot calling the kettle black isn't it? This is exactly how you are behaving.
ThumbingMyWay Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 she knows I am not happy with her partying and that will be a deal breaker if she wants to keep the family together. She knows how I feel when I know she turns her cell phone off and that she can't account for her 3 hours after the clubs close that her friends just can't seem to get the story straight. trust me...she knows. She knows I feel I have been played a fool and will no longer put up with it. So it isn't a matter of me not communicating to her what I don't like...its a matter of her still lying. well then maybe its time to call the bluff....and do some action. Do you have family close by? Can you and the kids get away for awhile? I think she needs some tough love brother....if she is still pushing boundarys...then you need to take action...tough action maybe. Leave for a weekend. The next time she rolls in at 4 am. Have 2 bags packed. One for her and one for you. Tell her if she dosent leave the house, then you will. Grab your bag and leave for a few days. I think she needs to see consequences in action If the answer was cut and dry for me to give a definite yes or no, and it was NO...trust me, i would have filed by now. it aint easy I know. I have 2 kids too, 7 and 4. I couldnt imagine them being in 2 homes. I dunno man....I realy think you should look into 3rd party MC. if it helps save the marrige, great. If it helps you realize you need to leave, then so be it. but either way....from what you said.....the plan isnt working for you.....do something different.
Recommended Posts