Salicious Crumb Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 I hope that this does not sound stupid... But they say that Men cheat for the sex, and women cheat for an emotional need. So how many people belive that to be the truth? Don't know...don't care. Either way, cheating is selfish, despicable, and deplorable behavior. PERIOD.
pricillia Posted February 16, 2007 Posted February 16, 2007 Don't know...don't care. Either way, cheating is selfish, despicable, and deplorable behavior. PERIOD. yeah we already know that you think that.... broken record...
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 17, 2007 Author Posted February 17, 2007 yeah we already know that you think that.... broken record... must have hit too close to home on that one.
Jinxx Posted February 18, 2007 Posted February 18, 2007 must have hit too close to home on that one. Does this justify your manhood and stroke your ego everytime you feel the need to jump in with your sarcastic comments? I truly hope you find the happiness you deserve someday. You should save and copy your replies and re-read them if and when the time comes (if that is even remotely possible) you have the balls to confront your homelife issues. Live is too short to be miserable. You have the power to change your attitude to better yourself. Good luck to you SC. I hope one day the bitterness and ugliness you display in yours posts will lighten up a bit.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 Live is too short to be miserable. You have the power to change your attitude to better yourself. Good luck to you SC. I hope one day the bitterness and ugliness you display in yours posts will lighten up a bit. You are correct....I really should be more tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives. 1
GreenEyedLady Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 You are correct....I really should be more tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives. You have serious problems dude...
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 19, 2007 Author Posted February 19, 2007 You have serious problems dude... Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives?
bonehead Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives? SC Im starting to feel that the biggest issue you have with your wifes affair is what it did to your ego. You seem to be trying to build youself up by putting these people down and feeling superior to them. When in truth you need to be talking to you wife and finding out what the problem was. Or since it was so long ago, maybe move on and rebuild whats left. The choice is yours, but what you are doing here leaves alot to be worked on IMO.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives? You are not pointing that finger at yourself...you've pretty much said that you don't love or respect your wife and are only staying for the kids...how is that not destroying your wife's life? Or your children's by having such deep-seeded anger pointed at their mother... And you refuse marriage counseling and to even talk to her about...so before you start pointing fingers about others destroying lives, why don't you start by looking at yourself...
pricillia Posted February 19, 2007 Posted February 19, 2007 Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives? I agree SC, I think that you should look at yourself in this whole thing as well as it takes two to make a marriage work. If it is true and you really do not care about your wife and you do no love her then maybe it is better to leave her. I think that you enjoy making her miserable at this point just to control your situation. I do not know your whole story but you are very much in pain, I am sure with good reason, but you need to look within yourself and stop pointing fingers especially at total strangers on LS.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 I didn't think anyone would answer that question.
movinon05 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives? Because as long as you choose not to, you cannot grow yourself and you are permanently stuck in your misery. Its a lonely life living with bitterness. It takes patience and forgiveness. People don't usually "go out of their way on purpose" to destroy other people's lives. Is it true that you won't talk to your wife about it or go to MC? If that is so, then she should just give up now.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Because as long as you choose not to, you cannot grow yourself and you are permanently stuck in your misery. Its a lonely life living with bitterness. Dammit movinon...I like you...but I said barring the "you do yourself no good" stuff. It takes patience and forgiveness. People don't usually "go out of their way on purpose" to destroy other people's lives. Exactly..and as I have said here before, getting into that situation is one thing..it is also one thing knowing it is wrong and are here looking for advice on how to move on and get out. As I've said before..I can at least respect that mindset. But there are OW/OM here that come here looking for support and advice on how to keep the affair going...not interested in doing what is right. Is it true that you won't talk to your wife about it or go to MC? If that is so, then she should just give up now. No, I talk to my wife...she knows everything. I've told her that I am still angry over everything...I just blow that anger off doing other things rather than bringing it home. And what is MC going to do for us? People keep talking about learning WHY she strayed....I dont' care WHY...all that matter is she DID. I can see if I neglected her badly, treated her like crap, or abused her...but our relationship was in NO WAY like that. We did everything together, she was my best friend, and sex was fantastic and never a lack of it. Yet she strayed...didn't have the "tits" to fess up and tell me about it...and went into our marriage a total lie. I had no choice in the matter. So really, what is a shrink going to say to us to make it better?
frannie Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Well take my comment and think....please give me one example, apart from the "you do yourself no good" stuff and tell me...really...please tell me.....why should someone be tolerant of people that destroy other people's lives? Why do you ask people to respond to that and leave out 'doing yourself no good'? What's wrong with taking on some message about what you're doing to yourself with all this bitterness..? Because that's at the root of what bothers people about what's going on in your life. If you are full of so much bitterness and hatred yourself, you cannot hide it or release it or whatever it is you think you're doing down the gym. People can tell. Your wife will know, and so will your children. So, if you don't care about your wife any longer, what about those children..? And lastly, I think it's good that people try understanding, compassion, and helping others whose actions they don't agree with. Why? Because it's good for the soul, and it makes the World a better place. But since you don't care about 'doing yourself any good' why should you care about the rest of us..?
movinon05 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Dammit movinon...I like you...but I said barring the "you do yourself no good" stuff. Exactly..and as I have said here before, getting into that situation is one thing..it is also one thing knowing it is wrong and are here looking for advice on how to move on and get out. As I've said before..I can at least respect that mindset. But there are OW/OM here that come here looking for support and advice on how to keep the affair going...not interested in doing what is right. No, I talk to my wife...she knows everything. I've told her that I am still angry over everything...I just blow that anger off doing other things rather than bringing it home. And what is MC going to do for us? People keep talking about learning WHY she strayed....I dont' care WHY...all that matter is she DID. I can see if I neglected her badly, treated her like crap, or abused her...but our relationship was in NO WAY like that. We did everything together, she was my best friend, and sex was fantastic and never a lack of it. Yet she strayed...didn't have the "tits" to fess up and tell me about it...and went into our marriage a total lie. I had no choice in the matter. So really, what is a shrink going to say to us to make it better? You'd be surprised. If nothing else, MC might give you some answers. As I see it, you're walking around with a sign on your forehead that reads "No Mercy". I don't think you want anyone to knock that chip off your shoulder. I don't think you want to become vulnerable again. Understandable, of course. You don't want to hear about the "you do yourself no good", but actually, that's the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children. JMHO. I'm not talking about OW/OM here and their reasons for being here. But there's a reason for your being here, isn't there? I see signs of my ex in you and you know where that got him. Not saying you would do that, but you never know what you're teaching your children. How old are your children anyway?
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 You don't want to hear about the "you do yourself no good", but actually, that's the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children. JMHO. Its not that I don't want to hear it....I do want to do whats good for me...actually..thats the only thing right now, besides my kids, that I am interested in at the moment. Whether or not what I do is good for my wife is really up to her now. She has the amends to make. But doing whats good for me isn't the point of my asking...why should I be tolerant of people that knowingly help to destroy the lives of families and other people and have no interest in stopping such behavior? I'm not talking about OW/OM here and their reasons for being here. But there's a reason for your being here, isn't there? Yup...I don't go to the OW/OM forums...I look through the new posts, see a topic and click it...I don't look at what forum its in. I came here to look for people in my same situation...and I find too many people that are the root of the problem of situations like mine and many others. And it disgusts me that too many of them aren't here looking for advice on how to get out of their affairs and relationships with OM/OW, but rather on how to become closer to someone who is married or who is not their spouse. I see signs of my ex in you and you know where that got him. Not saying you would do that, but you never know what you're teaching your children. How old are your children anyway? 6 and 2. And did you cheat on your ex? And if so, it destroyed who he was didn't it? Well thats me...I was once a loving husband who adored his wife...until I found out it wasn't reciprocated. I would like to be that person again...but don't see how when I wake up at night and all I see is a cheater lying next to me. So here is another person and family basically destroyed...well...not the family anyway...not yet if she doesn't start showing signs of actually wanting to change. And for that, I have no tolerance for people destroying their own families, or the people that are accomplices to it.
bonehead Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 And what is MC going to do for us? People keep talking about learning WHY she strayed....I dont' care WHY...all that matter is she DID. This right here is the one thing you have said that bothers me the most. You dont care why she hurt you? What are you afraid of? Im not being a smarta*s here, its a true question. That is the biggest reason people are afraid of MC, it makes them take a deeper look at themselves.
movinon05 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Its not that I don't want to hear it....I do want to do whats good for me...actually..thats the only thing right now, besides my kids, that I am interested in at the moment. Whether or not what I do is good for my wife is really up to her now. She has the amends to make. But doing whats good for me isn't the point of my asking...why should I be tolerant of people that knowingly help to destroy the lives of families and other people and have no interest in stopping such behavior? Yup...I don't go to the OW/OM forums...I look through the new posts, see a topic and click it...I don't look at what forum its in. I came here to look for people in my same situation...and I find too many people that are the root of the problem of situations like mine and many others. And it disgusts me that too many of them aren't here looking for advice on how to get out of their affairs and relationships with OM/OW, but rather on how to become closer to someone who is married or who is not their spouse. 6 and 2. And did you cheat on your ex? And if so, it destroyed who he was didn't it? Well thats me...I was once a loving husband who adored his wife...until I found out it wasn't reciprocated. I would like to be that person again...but don't see how when I wake up at night and all I see is a cheater lying next to me. So here is another person and family basically destroyed...well...not the family anyway...not yet if she doesn't start showing signs of actually wanting to change. And for that, I have no tolerance for people destroying their own families, or the people that are accomplices to it. I'm not here to really discuss all these points you're bringing up, but I'll address your question to me. Yes I cheated on my ex. Never had any intentions, but that's how it turned out. Did it destroy him? Yes, to an extent. Did it destroy who he was? No. See I didn't have a H "like you". I had a husband who waited 5 hours to take me to the ER so he could sleep, after I had fallen down a flight of steps and lay on the floor waiting because I couldn't walk. I had a H who got awards, thanked his mom and dad and all the little people who helped get him there. Never a word of thanks to me for helping him or being there for him. But he certainly depended on me doing those things. I had a H who, when he found out that I was in the ER on another occasion, said "This better be something." Turned out I did need an operation. I had a H who, when I went out food shopping or whatever, would sit and watch tv, while my little boys looked out the window, saw all their friends playing with each other and their parents, and couldn't go out because he needed to watch a game. I had a H who drank incessantly and missed work often. I had a H who didn't even give me a thank you or a kiss when our children were born. No birthday presents or christmas presents because "we didn't need to do that stuff." Took me out to dinner (by ourselves) twice in 17 years. There's more, but that's enough. Is that a good reason to cheat? No, I was wrong. Did he learn anything? No. He's more concerned with the new pool he installed, buying a boat and refurnishing his new home than to pay child support. Did I try to talk to him during all those years? Yup. Got me nowhere. Do I harbor bitterness for the way he treated ME all those years? Nope. I learned a whole lot about myself though. And I'm better off without him. Did he do this "stuff" on purpose to hurt me? Nope! Did I tolerate HIS behavior. Yup! Until I realized I could do it no more and left. I needed to do what was right for me. Anyway, whether you want to know it or not, there has to be a reason she did what she did. I'm not saying its a good reason. But there has to be a reason. If it were me, I'd want to know what that reason was. But that's just me.
norajane Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Why do you ask people to respond to that and leave out 'doing yourself no good'? What's wrong with taking on some message about what you're doing to yourself with all this bitterness..? Because that's at the root of what bothers people about what's going on in your life. If you are full of so much bitterness and hatred yourself, you cannot hide it or release it or whatever it is you think you're doing down the gym. People can tell. Your wife will know, and so will your children. So, if you don't care about your wife any longer, what about those children..? I totally agree, frannie. Carrying around all that bitterness and hatred is very damaging, and it's very heavy on your soul, SC. Forgiveness isn't about doing something good for your wife; it's about doing something good for yourself. You don't have to walk around with all that pain and anger (and no, you aren't releasing it all at the gym and on this forum...it's still inside you). Maybe you're not ready to try to forgive, but for your kids' sake, I hope that one day you will be ready to let go of what's eating away at you inside. That kind of anguish and stress is what sends people to an early grave, gives them high blood pressure and heart attacks. Maybe MC can help you release some of that anger. Maybe it can help you understand WHY she did it, so you can see her as a flawed human being and not merely an evil human, which might make YOU feel less vulnerable to her doing it again, or feel less anguished about it.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 This right here is the one thing you have said that bothers me the most. You dont care why she hurt you? What are you afraid of? Im not being a smarta*s here, its a true question. That is the biggest reason people are afraid of MC, it makes them take a deeper look at themselves. Because what are they really gonna tell me...that I didn't do enough on top of everything I did just to keep someone from cheating?? I mean really...if a counselor says she has issues of her own to deal with...ok...how does that mitigate the betrayal i feel? And if the counselor says that I didn't show her enough attention..or some BS like that....oh ya...like I wouldn't want to get up and walk right out of that session knowing that is complete and utter BS.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Moveinon Sounds like you didn't have much of a marriage. Your cheating didn't destroy who he was because there wasn't much there to begin with. I didn't like hearing how he treated you. As far as me wanting to know the reason why she cheated, only to keep it from me and marry me anyway....I know what it is....selfishness and fickleness. She liked the attention from other guys no matter how much I demonstrated my love for her. Any other reason is BS...unless someone can enlighten. and if anyone says its because of something I wasn't giving her, well that is BS too. and if that is really the reason...then whoever thinks that just gave me a reason to have an affair of my own now. Will I?...not in a million years...I won't ever stoop to that level. In my mind, for people to say I need to know why is to say, its my fault. I don't think anyone who shows true admiration, affection, and all that comes with it to a SO should have to cut their right arm off to keep someone from cheating.
Author Salicious Crumb Posted February 20, 2007 Author Posted February 20, 2007 Maybe you're not ready to try to forgive, but for your kids' sake, I hope that one day you will be ready to let go of what's eating away at you inside. Whats eating away at me is the constant visions, that I know will NEVER go away, is of her spreading her legs for someone else when she claims to love me. I often thought about going out and having an affair of my own...and tell her about it so she would have something to fill her thoughts too. But I'm not like that. Maybe MC can help you release some of that anger. Maybe it can help you understand WHY she did it, so you can see her as a flawed human being and not merely an evil human, which might make YOU feel less vulnerable to her doing it again, or feel less anguished about it. I'm not worried about her doing it again...although she is now worried about me doing it. And if she does do it again....then sayonara, away to her mother's she will go to live.
BenThereDunThat Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 Whats eating away at me is the constant visions, that I know will NEVER go away, is of her spreading her legs for someone else when she claims to love me. I often thought about going out and having an affair of my own...and tell her about it so she would have something to fill her thoughts too. But I'm not like that. I'm not worried about her doing it again...although she is now worried about me doing it. And if she does do it again....then sayonara, away to her mother's she will go to live. Why will she have to go to her mother's? Does she not work, or make enough to get her own place? Not being snarky. Just curious.
movinon05 Posted February 20, 2007 Posted February 20, 2007 As far as me wanting to know the reason why she cheated, only to keep it from me and marry me anyway....I know what it is....selfishness and fickleness. She liked the attention from other guys no matter how much I demonstrated my love for her. Any other reason is BS...unless someone can enlighten. and if anyone says its because of something I wasn't giving her, well that is BS too. and if that is really the reason...then whoever thinks that just gave me a reason to have an affair of my own now. Will I?...not in a million years...I won't ever stoop to that level. In my mind, for people to say I need to know why is to say, its my fault. I don't think anyone who shows true admiration, affection, and all that comes with it to a SO should have to cut their right arm off to keep someone from cheating. Well I don't necessarily think that for you to find out why means that you are at fault. It just may be that you two are not what you two need. And while I can understand you want to be around your kids, 16 yrs is a long time to go on this way. Hopefully something will change and she will earn your trust back. But if it was me, knowing what I know now, and nothing changed, I'd be moving on one way or the other, trying to find some happiness for myself. Is she a good mother?
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