meldawn69 Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Hello all, My story I will make short and sweet, I met a guy at a NFL game and we immediately hit it off. My female friend had taken me with her through her work, so he is a coworker of hers. She warned me jokingly to stay away from him and at that time I had no desire to even get to know him. Just had fun tailgating with them all. Well I went to another game with her later in the year and he was there and we got to know each other even more and he got me to give him my cell number. I did not recall him telling me he had a gfriend in another state. Well he text messaged me one day out of the blue and he got me to gowhere he lives and hang out with him and we went out, had some drinks, played pool and had a great night. Well, needless to say he told me at the end of the night that he had a gfriend in another state but that he liked me and wanted us to hang out all the time. At that time I was okay with it and was like, well we can hang as friends and he definitely wanted that (and more). Well over time, it developed into more because I found myself really liking him. He even told me one night that he was falling for me and knows him and his gfriend werent going to make it... so that got me to thinking and my emotions were then involved for sure. Well over time he said he was sorry for even bringing emotion into the situation and that we were having too much fun and he didnt want to ruin anything. Over time I told him that I needed to break things off cuz I did not want to be the other woman and that he needed to make a choice. He then told me that he could not break things off with this long distance relationship at that time and I was like okay, and stopped talking to him. He then in a few days started contacting me again and was like, cant we just stay friends then cuz he said he couldnt stand not talking to me or seeing me. So, knowing that I shouldnt, I agreed and we then just started the relationship up all over again. This has only been goin on since the end of December and he is now in the other state at this very moment with his girlfriend and I feel, well I dont know what I feel! I feel sad and upset and find myself constantly thinkin about him. He left Saturday and has not ONCE even contacted me and it is now Wednesday night. Shouldnt this tell me something??? He even has it all planned that next Wednesday i am to come over his house....he gets back next Tuesday. So please tell me what an idiot i am and how I am short changing myself and to move on with my life. Tell me how to deal with him when he returns and give me strength to stick with it. I really do like this guy and he tells me the same, but he is obviously lying to me!!! Then i find myself thinking, maybe he will come back and tell me he missed me and did end it with her cuz he loved me. But in reality, this is not going to happen huh? okay, this is the first time i have ever written to anyone or seeked out the advice of others on the internet...but I am just hoping that someone out there can give me the strength to just end this all! thanks
norajane Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 He's not lying to you about having a girlfriend and about not planning on ending things with her, and that's what you have to focus on. It doesn't sound like you've had sex? If so, then this is the BEST time to end things with him. Since you are emotionally involved and are wishing he'd dump his gf for you, you have to get away from him before things get physical and you are even more drawn into this relationship. Stop fantasizing that he will leave her. Consider where he is now, that he is lying to HER by not telling her how close the two of you have become, and that a man who will lie to his girlfriend isn't the honorable kind of man that you can have a true relationship with. Also, consider the time that you spend with this man, and the emotional energy you are devoting to this relationship, is preventing you from meeting other men you might connect with. Why put your life on hold wishing for a man who is with someone else?
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 he got me to give him my cell number He got you to give him your number??? You didn't have a say in it? Well he text messaged me one day out of the blue and he got me to gowhere he lives and hang out with him Again, you didn't have a say in the matter? Choices........ Over time I told him that I needed to break things off cuz I did not want to be the other woman and that he needed to make a choice. You tell him "call me when it's over completely. Until then, leave me alone, no calls, nothing!" Take back the control. If he really does love you, he'll respect your wishes. He then in a few days started contacting me again and was like, cant we just stay friends then cuz he said he couldnt stand not talking to me or seeing me. So, knowing that I shouldnt, I agreed and we then just started the relationship up all over again. You must be strong. The quotes I hilighted, you let him have all the control. He has a life with someone else, why would you want to be part of that? And, what if you two DO hook up. Could you really trust him?? I'm sure his girlfriend doesn't have clue about you! And, he has and IS lying to her, don't ya think he's lied to you as well? IF their relationship was so shakey, why is he still with her?
kymberann Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Don't let it go any farther than it has! You do have control over that! Tell him I am no longer available and wiill not be second. You can do that. And then just let him be! Best.
frannie Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 She warned me jokingly to stay away from him... Looks like she was right, eh..? Everything you've written here shows that you know exactly what is going on here, and you want out. And I agree, you should get out, because it's just a big waste of your time and you already feel bad. As I read your story my blood was starting to boil because I could see exactly where he was going to take it! All that 'oh... it's not going to work out with her, you're so great'... and then 'oh... I can't break it off right now' and 'oh... I'm sorry we let emotions get involved let's just have fun' BLETCH. He's so good with it all, eh..? And delivering nothing in return for all your energy spent thinking of him and wondering... How to end it..? Get yourself something else to do next Wednesday, and Thursday, and every other day for that matter. When he calls say you've been thinking, and you've had a change of mind about where all this is going. Absolutely do NOT give any explanations or get into a debate about it all, because it sounds like he's really slick and you're buying it far too easily for whatever reason. Keep posting because you really need to get this man out of your life. There are lots of people here who will give great advice on this!
FRANCIS2009 Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 I dont think he is lying to you he prob is to her though! he hasnt replied to you or contact you because she does not know about you. How long has he been with her? i have been with a married man for 2 years! and now i wish i had have trusted my instincts and walked away! it is alot of heart ache specially when you fall in love. But it is still early days if he cant leave the other girl you go find someone who wants to commit to you and only you!
Author meldawn69 Posted March 1, 2007 Author Posted March 1, 2007 I just read everyone's responses and I appreciate them greatly. To answer Norajanes response, yes we have been intimate with one another and of course he tells me I am the best lover he has ever had and he thinks about me all day long and that he thinks about me even more than his own girlfriend. So, that is one reason that I have gotten so emotionally attached to this man. But, I am definitely going to stop this relationship the second he gets back. Even if he does manage to send me a text or an email while he is gone, I will not respond to him and will wait for a personal telephone call from him when he returns to speak to him and tell him this is all over with and that while he was gone I realized that I was hurting myself and this girl he is seeing. He is definitely good at manipulating what I say and getting me to see "his side of things" and to feel that I am so special to him, blah blah blah....so I will keep talking to all of you throughout all of this and keep you updated. It is now Thursday afternoon and I have plans tonight throughout the entire weekend so I will try not to waste any energy on thinking of him and wondering evertime I get a text "is it from him" or emails either. I should not care whether it is from him or isnt. And I have failed to mention, this guy is on his THIRD divorce right now. He just filed the third one and has been seeing this other girl for a year now!!! What should that have told me??? I am a very well liked person by all people and get along with everyone and have no problems meeting men. So, I dont know why I have fallen for this guy. I hope I have not because he is a challenge for me?? I know I can meet many other men and as you have said, I am putting my life on hold and using all my energy on him and not even giving anyone else a chance because as he is out visiting his girlfriend, I am at home thinking about him. How sick!!! I really have messed up this time, but I can make it right starting RIGHT NOW! Thank you all for replying and I look forward to hearing more from you. Have a good day all.....
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 On his 3rd divorce, he is cheating on his girlfriend with you right now and you STILL want him? Your mind says one thing but you're listening to your heart and emotions! Fight it hard and end it. DO NOT let him convince you to date him while he has a girlfriend...And, even if he does end it with her, do you really want a man who has divorced 3 times and has shown you he is capable of cheating????? Could you ever fully trust him even if you two ended up together? How long would it be before you started wondering if he was cheating on you........
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