SunnieGirlInSC Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 About 1 month ago, my husband started chatting with someone on the internet. I logged on his computer to check his Instant Messages and it seems to me like he really wants to be with her, but hes said that he was sorry and that he wont talk to her anymore. But he has continued to talk to her, and now he says that its my weight that is the problem, but that he still loves me and has no idea why he was so taken by her. I do know that they have exchanged pictures, and shes everything that IM not. I dont know what to do.... HELP!! THanks SOO much
JackJack Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I would suggest marriage counseling for you both. Do you think he wants to work on the marriage? If so, he will need to cut complete contact with her. No emails, chats, calls, visits etc. He broke your trust, so right now, you pretty much have the right to know for sure when or if he is still in contact with her. If you have to, unplug the computer, or get rid of it for awhile. Will it stop him from contacting her? well it might stop the contact on the computer. Is that his only means? Or do you know if this is a local person or someone he calls or sees? I'm not saying unplugging the computer will stop it all, nor is it the real answer, but it might show him you mean business, and you are wanting to show him you would like to work on the marriage. I doubt your weight is the main issue. It might be a contributing factor, but I doubt its the main or all of the issue. Is this the first time he has mentioned your weight? Now that you know about this other person, or has he mentioned it to you before?
Author SunnieGirlInSC Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 This is the first time that hes ever said anything about my weight, Ive always been a heavy girl. But in the past few years i have put on some more extra weight. Ive been depressed, because of other situations. So thats was the reason for the extra weight. She lives out west, I do know that. They arent talking on the phone as far as I know. As far as working on the marriage, i dont know. I found the Instant Message from today and she asked him what he was going to to about her and him and he said he didnt know. Im not really sure what to do anymore. Ive seen her picture and I cant Compete....
outofdarkness Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 This is the first time that hes ever said anything about my weight, Ive always been a heavy girl. But in the past few years i have put on some more extra weight. Ive been depressed, because of other situations. So thats was the reason for the extra weight. She lives out west, I do know that. They arent talking on the phone as far as I know. As far as working on the marriage, i dont know. I found the Instant Message from today and she asked him what he was going to to about her and him and he said he didnt know. Im not really sure what to do anymore. Ive seen her picture and I cant Compete.... Do you KNOW that she truly looks like the picture that you found??? One can be anyone they want to be on the net...It's full of deception. I'm not saying there are not some legit. sites out there for people to meet, but it's a great place to be if one is into that whole fantasy thing. I have to tell you that my weight bounces up and down alot, and as BAD as my H has been, I don't ever think he'd have the nerve to tell me that my weight was a "problem" for him! You must have been humiliated! He's just trying to justify his poor behavior in my opinion. If I were you, I'd try to be as quiet about it as you can and see what comes up...If he thinks you're looking, he's going to be careful... And...I agree that you might ask him if he's willing to go to counseling...Not directly implicating the interenet stuff, but just the fact that you are not happy...Good luck and hope I've helped in some little way...
SadrBtWizr Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 This is the first time that hes ever said anything about my weight, Ive always been a heavy girl. But in the past few years i have put on some more extra weight. Ive been depressed, because of other situations. So thats was the reason for the extra weight. She lives out west, I do know that. They arent talking on the phone as far as I know. As far as working on the marriage, i dont know. I found the Instant Message from today and she asked him what he was going to to about her and him and he said he didnt know. Im not really sure what to do anymore. Ive seen her picture and I cant Compete.... Unfortunately, you shouldn't HAVE to compete. He married you. Commitment. It's supposed to mean something. He has choices. He is chosing to cheat. This is not your fault. You did not make him cheat. Your weight did not make him cheat.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 Unfortunately, you shouldn't HAVE to compete. He married you. Commitment. It's supposed to mean something. He has choices. He is chosing to cheat. This is not your fault. You did not make him cheat. Your weight did not make him cheat. Badda...bing... Also, you can never compete with a fantasy which is part of the siren call of internet babes which 9/10 are so far removed from truth, it's pathetic. MC is a great idea. If he's unwilling, time to consider writing him off because it probably means that he's too far gone to want to save your marriage.
Seen_It_All Posted March 3, 2007 Posted March 3, 2007 But he has continued to talk to her, and now he says that its my weight that is the problem, but that he still loves me and has no idea why he was so taken by her. Ahh, nice deflection tactic. Blame it on YOU and YOUR weight. Gotta love these weasels that never want to take accountability for their skuzzy behavior. Yeah, I know...it's always everyone ELSE'S fault but their own. Chances are that your H's 'friend' is probably a fat, hairy gay man in a food-stained t-shirt whose calling himself 'Lana' on the internet and having fun with stupid men who are horny enough to take his pathetic bait. In either case, your H needs to grow the hell up and stop living in fantasy land. Do NOT allow him to dump this on YOUR front porch. This is HIS mess.
Recommended Posts