To NC or not to NC? !

[houdini]

Hello,

 

I'm on my 9th day of NC. My ex broke up with me 5weeks ago and I've read so much on whether to go NC or not and that it depends on the situation and that NC is not always a good thing. Well the reasons why we split up are because I didnt nurture the relationship, she got tired of waiting for my love and got tired of feeling and that right now she wants to be alone. We have a son together and that makes it a bit hard to go full NC.

 

We've been having a LDR for two years and the two years prior to that we lived together. I have two daughters here in Ca. she lives in Nevada with my son and her two daughters. I've read things about the Blase Harris book on how to get your ex back and I've ordered the book to hopefully get a better insight on what to do in my situation where I was the one who did most of the damage.

 

I dont know if there is someone else in her life or not and she swears up and down that their isnt and I somewhat trust her but I know how hard it is to be honest in a situation like that because you dont want to hurt the other anymore than you already have, it just seems odd how a person can tell you they love you and can't live without you one week then 2 weeks later they have fallen out of love with you. We did have a decent breakup, no big blowouts, no arguements, just lots of tears and begging for the first 2 weeks off and on then I went full NC for the past 9 days and have not heard from her at all.

 

My problem is that my ex is somewhat of a narcasisst because she expects me to do everything and her do nothing to show her how much she is loved and appreciated and she has little to no sympathy to my feelings and only cares about herself and her feelings. She's always been that way with me even before breaking up. I just don't want us to grow further apart or for her to think I gave up because she always told me she loved that I was so persistant with her and never gave up on our relationship. Well this was before she told me she wanted to be alone and didnt want the relationship anymore and that she wasnt in love with me anymore.

 

Considering everything thats been written about NC, and if my actions and faults were to blame for the demise of the relationship is it a good thing to go NC considering my ex's personality?????? What should I do????? Do I stay away or try to contact her using Blase Harris techniques????

 

Please Respond!!!!

 

Thanks,

 

Mario

aka Houdini

[Guest]

Now be honest. Nurturing is not mantalk. Did she say that to you or you picked it up in a book or here?

 

Whatever the case she's not getting any nurturing from you now is she?

 

This is what I would do : tell her (Not ask) that you want access to your child. She has no right to take the little one away from you. Infact if she went out of state that can be considered kidnapping across state lines. If she does not bring the child back you will get advice from the police or a lawyer. period. That's it. The longer you let this go oe you are giving consent.

 

Then go NC. I know how hard this is going to be. I know you don't want to be harsh. I know you are afraid of pushing her away even more. She's already left H. If she stays away she was going to anyways. Do NOT engage her about anything else except your child(ren).

[emerald_isle]

I asked the same question (Blaise Harris vs. NC) in the "Did I do the right thing?" thread. Any insight from anyone who has used both the Harris techniques and NC on which works better and why (and in what type of situation) would be much appreciated. Thanks!

 

Houdini, I'm sorry you're dealing with these questions and problems. I'm dealing with a similar situation. I hope yours is resolved soon.

[houdini]

"Guest" I only used the word "Nurture" because that is the word she used. I just want to do the right thing and do what I can to help my situation as best as possible. I miss her, love her and want this to work for our kids involved...."Emeral Isle" I havn't got the book yet, it should be here tomorrow so I'm going to read it...at this point I'll try anything to make things work again and really try..... Any advice is appreciated.

 

Mario