This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm curious, what causes people to start a relationship? Think about your past or current relationship(s), and you'll probably see a "reason" that made you want to get close to and spend time with that particular person. If it's a past relationship, there was also a reason why it ended. Which makes me think - why did you start a relationship with that person in the first place? Was it loneliness? Attraction? Shared interests? Or was it just because he/she was there? Do you bother to first take time to closely know a person before taking it further? Or do you just go on random dates of varying lengths - and term those as "relationships"? Does actual compatibility figure anywhere in the equation?
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 We have similar interests, she is fun to be around, oh yeah and feelings developed.
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 Hmmmm. Good. <<drums fingers on table>> Is that what you primarily look for when you start a relationship, Riddler?
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Hmmmm. Good. <<drums fingers on table>> Is that what you primarily look for when you start a relationship, Riddler? Well when I do look to start a relationship, she must possess those qualities and I must feel that way. I mean, I won't look to start a relationship with someone that I have no feelings for or who I don't enjoy hanging out with. I have to be attracted to her She has to be able to make me laugh She is a serious person but can act silly when the time is right She is honest and trustworthy Those are just the basics.
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 Well when I do look to start a relationship, she must possess those qualities and I must feel that way. I mean, I won't look to start a relationship with someone that I have no feelings for or who I don't enjoy hanging out with. I have to be attracted to her She has to be able to make me laugh She is a serious person but can act silly when the time is right She is honest and trustworthy Those are just the basics. Thank you, Rid.
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Thank you, Rid. No problem. I wasn't sure if that all made sense. Why do you ask? A certain someone in the life of TTSP?
johan Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm a sucker for exotic chicks with nice smiles. It's always physical for me at first. But then if she keeps my respect, I'm hooked. And like an idiot I end up telling her that as soon as I realize it.
VinaAmez Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm curious, what causes people to start a relationship? Think about your past or current relationship(s), and you'll probably see a "reason" that made you want to get close to and spend time with that particular person. If it's a past relationship, there was also a reason why it ended. Which makes me think - why did you start a relationship with that person in the first place? Was it loneliness? Attraction? Shared interests? Or was it just because he/she was there? Do you bother to first take time to closely know a person before taking it further? Or do you just go on random dates of varying lengths - and term those as "relationships"? Does actual compatibility figure anywhere in the equation? For me I have to be physically attracted to him. It can be instant or a gradual thing. He has to make me laugh and I have to be able to make him laugh. Even if it's stupid he should laught at it too. Shared interests are there. Can't be with someone who I think is boring. I don't have time frame on things. I just let it happen naturally. Of course these are just some. To long and believe me you don't want a long post from me about it.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm a sucker for exotic chicks with nice smiles. you're smooth
Storyrider Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 you're smooth I was thinking the same thing. Especially since he has a preference for perky blondes.
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 No problem. I wasn't sure if that all made sense. Why do you ask? A certain someone in the life of TTSP?:bunny: Naww...no such luck for me, Rid!! hahaa. I'm curious about what makes people get together. Everyone seems to be shacking up and getting all involved and then suddenly one day, boom! The relationship is over. So my question is actually a serious one...what makes people get involved with someone they're not even too sure about, in the long term?
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 I'm a sucker for exotic chicks with nice smiles. It's always physical for me at first. But then if she keeps my respect, I'm hooked. And like an idiot I end up telling her that as soon as I realize it. Ah! Nothing beats good eye candy, eh? So is that how it's always started for you?
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Naww...no such luck for me, Rid!! hahaa. I'm curious about what makes people get together. Everyone seems to be shacking up and getting all involved and then suddenly one day, boom! The relationship is over. So my question is actually a serious one...what makes people get involved with someone they're not even too sure about, in the long term? You really aren't too sure unless you take the time and energy to get to know the person and start a relationship with them. You have to take chances in life sometimes.
johan Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 ...What makes people get involved with someone they're not even too sure about, in the long term? As soon as we meet someone we're interested in, we make up fantasies of who they are and fall for that. People choose to believe their fantasies about whoever it is they fall for. They fall in love with the story they tell themselves. Also they get really turned on by the person.
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 As soon as we meet someone we're interested in, we make up fantasies of who they are and fall for that. People choose to believe their fantasies about whoever it is they fall for. They fall in love with the story they tell themselves. . Whachoo talkin' bout Johan?
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 For me I have to be physically attracted to him. It can be instant or a gradual thing. He has to make me laugh and I have to be able to make him laugh. Even if it's stupid he should laught at it too. Shared interests are there. Can't be with someone who I think is boring. I don't have time frame on things. I just let it happen naturally. Of course these are just some. To long and believe me you don't want a long post from me about it. That's a good list. But it seems more like a wishlist for an ideal man/woman. I guess my real question is more about about actual relationships you have right now, or have had in the past. Basically, what kind of person are you when it comes to starting a relationship? What makes you do it?
Pyro Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I guess my real question is more about about actual relationships you have right now, or have had in the past. Basically, what kind of person are you when it comes to starting a relationship? What makes you do it? What kind of person? I am me. What makes me? The companionship, the attraction, the shared interests. I am sure that there are more.
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 As soon as we meet someone we're interested in, we make up fantasies of who they are and fall for that. People choose to believe their fantasies about whoever it is they fall for. They fall in love with the story they tell themselves. Also they get really turned on by the person. I agree. That's the trap of delusion we all love to fall into. Perhaps that's why things don't always go well in the long run. It's like, "I'm ready to be in a relationship right now". So they go ahead and do it. And oh, your last sentence cracked me up.
VinaAmez Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 That's a good list. But it seems more like a wishlist for an ideal man/woman. I guess my real question is more about about actual relationships you have right now, or have had in the past. Basically, what kind of person are you when it comes to starting a relationship? What makes you do it? No it's not a wish list and it is ACTUAL. That is a must for me. What makes me get into one? I wanted to share my life with someone and I wasn't about to do it alone. Someone came along and I jumped on it. We got along and include my other post and ta da!
Trialbyfire Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I have to get to know someone for awhile, first. Intellectual meeting of minds, interests and a wickedly irreverent sense of humour. Nothing is sacred or sacrosanct. No repartee, no go. No challenge, no go. No balls, no go. Then I get attached after a lot of dialogue, usually as friends first. Do I find them physically repulsive? Yes, no go, duuuhhhh. No, okay, let's continue on, shall we? Then there's an emotional attachment. Then, we have some killer physical contact. Okay, I'm done.
ShoeGirl Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I tried to answer this earlier and it didn't work.. hmmm... anyway. I'm curious, what causes people to start a relationship? My first real relationship (not counting "boyfriends" in high school) started because we had common interests, common goals (college, grad school then marriage, etc.), we got along great, could spend hours on end talking about anything and everything. Someone that worked with us started a rumor that we were dating because we had been spotted at the same coffee shop (we weren't actually there together just at the same time), we started spending more time together outside of work unintentionally, then intentionally and a year after we met we started dating. I honestly thought I would marry him until it ended when he admitted to being bi and not being faithful, I didn't want to share so that was the end. My last relationship (if you can call it that, fling maybe?) started because he was there... he was sweet and caring, he knew everything about my ex (gave us lots to talk about) because we were spending a lot of time together at school, basically he made me feel wanted. We were both recently out of serious relationships (about 2 months after my ex and 2 weeks after his 2 year relationship) so I knew it wouldn't last. It was fun for a month or a little more until we both realized we had different priorities (I want to get better grades and graduate next quarter and he wanted to be single and party nonstop)
boshemia Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm a sucker for soulmates, and that sounds sweet... but it's really not. I connect faster than most people do when first meeting someone and within one night I can feel a solid connection to them... I usually feel sorry for them... there's no other way of putting it. Like wow, this person really needs me to love them. Sounds silly now huh? I like to talk, and I like to listen to other people talk. For some reason people feel really comfortable around me and it's not unusual for them to tell me something they've "never told anyone else before" Maybe it's the questions I ask, maybe it's just that I am so honest about everything, maybe I just have really bad communication skills... But usually within a few dates I'm in a relationship, and have no idea how to get out of it. Most of my relationships have been fairly long term, few of them under six months... but none of them have been really fulfilling if you know what I mean. I was with my first husband eight years, and my second five... and everyday was a struggle just to keep my head above water.
Audero Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 What makes me start a relationship? With my ex husband, I was initially attracted to his looks. He was "my type", and that is why I noticed him to begin with. That may sound shallow, but we all notice a person's appearance right off, and are either attracted, or not. Then we go from there. With my current bf, I can say it was not at all about his looks. We "met" on a forum two years ago, and became friends online. I was attracted to his intelligence, point of view, sense of humor, and shared interests we had. I was in another relationship at the time, as was he, so we never crossed the line of friendship. I ended a bad relationship, started another, and it turned bad. (I have had some terrible judgement of men in my past; picking abusers) Our friendship grew stronger. Once we were both "free", we admitted the feelings had became deeper than that of just friends. And now, here we are. With him, I started the relationship based completely on a deep bond of friendship & affection. It was over a year before I ever saw a picture of him. Truth be told, he is the exact opposite of "my type". I fell in love with what was on the inside. His kindness, passion for life, and strong sense of what is right & wrong.
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 1, 2007 Author Posted March 1, 2007 I have to get to know someone for awhile, first. Intellectual meeting of minds, interests and a wickedly irreverent sense of humour. Me too. Then I get attached after a lot of dialogue, usually as friends first. Me too. Then there's an emotional attachment. I've started with the exact same things. For me, there's also a strong sense of committment and a common attitude towards life in general. I take really long to actually start a relationship with somebody....in a way, it's probably my way of trying to see how that person behaves in different situations. Maybe I don't know them fully, but the eing more informed I am, the better the chances of things being smooth. This may sound a bit selfish - but I don't want to "waste time" getting really close to a guy and then discover that it was all smoke and mirrors. It costs too much time, and more importantly, too much emotional energy. I'd rather do my homework first. Somewhere, I do believe that there's a good time for everything in life, and I don't want to be sitting twiddling my fingers at 60. Which seems likely to happen I guess, given the way I think!!
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