Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 My best friend's dad is very, very ill. He's 83 or 84, she's only 28 (yes, there was a huge age difference between her parents). Another friend's father was recently diagnosed with lung cancer with a very poor prognosis. I'm at a loss for words... what do you say when you learn things like this?
tanbark813 Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil I don't think it matters what you say, just that you listen.
Craig Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I'm at a loss for words... what do you say when you learn things like this? If you can't think of anything to say and must say something, "I'm very sorry...is there anything I can do?" They'll rarely ask you to actually do something but they'll find it comforting to know that someone cares enough to offer their sympathy and help if needed. Then like TB said you just be a good listener.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 I've offered "anything and everything to help," but I don't want to nag or push them to accept it...right?
alphamale Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 I'm at a loss for words... what do you say when you learn things like this? You say: "I'm at a loss for words and don't really know what to say..."
silentcharon Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 SG, I was diagnosed with a disease last year- it will eventually lead to my death some day. People have told me that if I ever needed anything, that in itself is comforting enough that they care. People don't know how to react, how to act appropriately- and I don't expect them to. Don't push or nag them, let them come to you if they needed someone to listen, as I do sometimes. It's painful to watch people you care about go through this sort of thing, but really that's all you can do. Luck to you! SC
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 I agree with most of the replies you got. Tell them that you're there when they need you, for whatever reason. Another thing, follow up on your promise and keep in touch with him / her. So many times, people say "Please let me know if you need something". But when things are getting really rough, the person has no time or opportunity to actually call up people and ask for help. So, just be in touch, and you'll know when there's something you can do that will be of help.
silentcharon Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Oh yeah, that's one of my pet peeves- how people bail when the tough gets going, after they say that they'll do anything to help you out.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 1, 2007 Author Posted March 1, 2007 Well, turns out I now have THREE people in my life all with VERY ill fathers, AND my freaking PREGNANT SECRETARY is having HEART SURGERY next week. What the heck!?!? With the three people, they're very much apart of my life... I talk to them all the time anyway, so it's not like I'm not going to be around to not make good on my promise. If anything, I'm more concerned about irritating the crap out of them by being TOO available for them, or something...coming across as nagging or...I don't know. My high school sweetheart's mother died during our senior year, and he thought I didn't handle the situation very well - from her illness through her death. He said my reaction made him feel worse. I was there for him 100%, whatever he needed, but he didn't ask, he didn't open up...aparently he wanted me to voluntarily do and say things, but I had no idea what TO do or what TO say... I'm just afraid of making them all feel worse!
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