Guest Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I've been dating someone for about three years now and we are pretty serious. We moved in together quite a few months ago and we have always gotten along really well. Lately, however, I've been feeling different. In the past I've always said that I want to be with him forever and get married someday and everything, but now I'm not sure anymore. At the same time I feel ridiculous for having these thoughts... he's an amazing guy and we are best friends, we have great communication, we balance eachother out on most things, etc. I still love him, I just don't know why I suddenly feel like things are different. I guess there is nothing about us that makes me know that he is the one for me, the one that I should always be with. Should I expect to have a feeling of "knowing" or is that unrealistic? It's hard because we've been together for such a long time and we get along so well but I don't know if we are meant to be. Our lives are so intertwined and he is the one I talk to about everything, so it is hard to even think about what it would be like without him. It's like I have two parts to myself, one that can see me marrying him and having kids and a house in the suburbs, and another that misses being single and independent. I've kind of always felt that we could be happy together, but that if we ever broke up for some reason we would both be able to move on and find someone else. At the same time I can't imagine not being with him. How can I sort out my feelings? How do you know if you should be with someone? If you can't imagine your life without someone but also aren't sure you should always be with them what do you do?
neowulf Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 You’ve just described almost my exact situation with my girlfriend of 5 years. We’ve been together for so long and I’d have to say she’s one of my closest, dearest friends, but lately, deep down inside, I just have the growing sense that she’s “not the one” I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve spoken with a councillor regarding these feelings and been told that not “everyone” gets this feeling of “rightness” within their relationship. That feeling that he or she’s “the one” for you happens in different degrees for people. For some people, it really does end up being a “choice” rather than any kind of romantic “feeling” about marriage. I can’t provide you with an answer, but I can say this. If you’re feeling deep down that this person isn’t right for you, despite all the great things you have going for you in the relationship, spend some time really thinking about what the “ideal” relationship would feel like for you. Really think about what the dynamic would be like. What the person would be like. How you imagine the marriage would be. Go into as much detail as you can with it, because this is a great opportunity to *really* identify the qualities that you need in a life partnership. Don’t be in a rush to throw away a great thing. It’s worth taking the time to really examine your feelings and decide if it’s just a phase (which can happen) or whether it’s your heart trying to tell you something.
4whatItsWorth Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 From experience, it is much easier to feel something is NOT right than feeling it is "forever and ever". With my ex boyfriends there was always a phase when you realised that they would never give me what I wanted in a relationship or in a man. My fiance now is not perfect, but neither am I. But he knows how to handle me, he understands me and he loves me and treats me with respect and love nobody has ever given me before. I think a relationship doesn't have to be "all fuzziness and roses". I rely on what makes me happy - I am always happy to see him and I miss him when he's gone. That is what makes me sure he is the one for me. If you're unhappy, then you should not waste either of your time. However, if you could see yourself with this man forever - it doesn't always have to be all "soulmate-forever" feelings. I do think you "know" when it's right and I also think you will "know" if it's wrong. Sometimes people fall out of love, no matter how amazing the person might be.
Touche Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 Also consider the fact that you may be with the right person at the wrong time. I've often told my H that if had met him in my 20's we would have never been right for each other. I'm absolutely convinced of that. When I met him at 33 though, I knew he was perfect for me.
jmargel Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 It's not a matter of you 'seeing yourself with this person' but whether or not you can live without him/her. When you move in together alot of the puppy-dog love stage disappears. It's because you don't miss the other person anymore like you used to. Also you get to see their bad habits and the 'real them'. When not living together most people try to put up their best front, most of the time. When you start living with each other all that starts to break apart and you see them at their worst now as well. This happens with EVERY relationship, so even if you do move on, expect it with the next person as well. No relationship will be like a disney movie. When moving in together it's the 'real love' that starts to kick in and whether or not you are truly compatible. As a married man of only 3 years I can say I miss the newness of the relationship I have with my wife. The puppy dog love stage, the excitement of it all.. It's just something that you have to accept that will happen over time and just prepare yourself for it.
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 As a married man of only 3 years I can say I miss the newness of the relationship I have with my wife. The puppy dog love stage, the excitement of it all.. Don't ya wish we all could bottle those new crushy feelings and open up the jar when you want that intense - oh so new and exciting - feeling?? Alot more marriages would be happier sexually!
michelangelo Posted March 2, 2007 Posted March 2, 2007 You did it, didn't you? You started doing his laundry when you moved in. Once you take on maid service duties, that warm and squishy feeling is gone for good.
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