a4a Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I see this so often. Be it a spouse, relative, or even a friend. I think it may be interesting to explore this topic. Has anyone here loved someone out of guilt, duty, obligation......? Not sure if it is correctly labeled as love but perhaps maintained the "motions of love" for these reasons..... not just about losing the "hot spark"....
quankanne Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 in my personal experience, it's usually a family member. I love them because they are relatives, but I often don't like them. And sometimes that creates a moral crisis for me, because I realize I should reach out and *be* loving. Then something will happen (usually some big hairy drama) and I pull back because I realize that sometimes, you can only love someone from a distance if only to preserve your sanity. Otherwise, those small bits of love can easily turn into resentment of that person ...
My Fair Katie Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 My parents. A relationship with them is bad for me. But I feel so guilty not having one. I'm in therapy to get over the guilt though. It's hard, it's engrained to honor your parents; previously I would jump thru hoops for them. Go all out to "prove my love." I just don't have it in me anymore.
JackJack Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I realize that sometimes, you can only love someone from a distance if only to preserve your sanity. Otherwise, those small bits of love can easily turn into resentment of that person ... This is very true for me as well.
JadeStar Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 in my personal experience, it's usually a family member. I love them because they are relatives, but I often don't like them. And sometimes that creates a moral crisis for me, because I realize I should reach out and *be* loving. Then something will happen (usually some big hairy drama) and I pull back because I realize that sometimes, you can only love someone from a distance if only to preserve your sanity. Otherwise, those small bits of love can easily turn into resentment of that person ... Ditto for me.
Art_Critic Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I sometimes think that most of the last year of my marriage I only loved my ExW because of the child ( I guess it was a forced love )..most of my feelings for my then wife were vapor.. I stayed in the marriage the last year because of my step daughter..thinking it was the best thing for her.. until I couldn't do it anymore..
EnigmasMuse Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I have loved a friend I had years ago, out of obligation/guilt. It wasn't always like that of course, but it got to that point. I hated feeling that way really, and I ended up having to cut ties with my friend because I just felt the whole situation was draining for me. I was there for her for years and years, but when I relaized she wasn't even trying to help herself in the situation she was in, I knew there was nothing more I could do. When I first broke ties with my friend, I felt bad, and selfish, and thought if I was any kind of friend I wouldn't cut ties with her, but it just got to the point to where I felt her drama was spilling over so much into my own life, that it was getting pretty toxic. Her negativity was making me someone I didn't care to be. I had to nip that in the bud, I was losing myself because I got to involved in her situation. It was something I felt I needed to do, for my own peace of mind.
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