tmartin12 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I already posted this in another part of this website, but I just want some more advice... thanks everyone! Hello all! Well to fill you in a little bit, my name is Tiffany and I'm an army girlfriend. My soldier really wants to get married and so do I, but there are a few problems. We are both 18, which brings up big controversy in our families. My parents are mostly the ones who do not want this to happen. My mom wants my job to be college only: she is wondering why I would get married and have to pay for everything on my own when right now, she's paying for most of it because I'm in school. She even made an expenses list to show me how she thinks we will struggle. She thinks that I will be spending a lot of money - which I will, but I think that the bah would cover most of it. I appreciate that she wants the best for me, but I feel like this is something I need to do, especially with my soldier being deployed in early 2008. He wants to make sure that I am financially secure. Which brings up my biggest dillema: get married and live with him in Kansas, get married and stay in California while going to school (having to pay for everything on my own), or don't get married and stay in California while going to school (with my mom still supporting me). I'm trying to think of a plan, but it's so hard! If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know! Thanks!
adnCat Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I really think you should stay in school and wait to get married. Getting married will probably make you the opposite of financially secure! I don't understand why you or he thinks that getting married and supporting yourselves will be easier than you living at home and having your mom support you as you get your degree. If you feel like you need to do something before he leaves, maybe you can get engaged. I know this sounds like a silly in-between step, but I think it will dampen the desire to get married right now if you both have promised that it will happen soon. And since you guys are relatively young, I don't think a long engagement would be out of the ordinary. And by relatively young, I mean, "hello, you are both still teenagers!" I read your other thread and I know that you have known each other for a long time and you have been dating for a while, but people really change and grow in their twenties. Make sure that the people you become, or the direction you are headed, will be compatible before taking the plunge.
MoonGirl Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I already posted this in another part of this website, but I just want some more advice... thanks everyone! Hello all! Well to fill you in a little bit, my name is Tiffany and I'm an army girlfriend. My soldier really wants to get married and so do I, but there are a few problems. We are both 18, which brings up big controversy in our families. My parents are mostly the ones who do not want this to happen. My mom wants my job to be college only: she is wondering why I would get married and have to pay for everything on my own when right now, she's paying for most of it because I'm in school. She even made an expenses list to show me how she thinks we will struggle. She thinks that I will be spending a lot of money - which I will, but I think that the bah would cover most of it. I appreciate that she wants the best for me, but I feel like this is something I need to do, especially with my soldier being deployed in early 2008. He wants to make sure that I am financially secure. Which brings up my biggest dillema: get married and live with him in Kansas, get married and stay in California while going to school (having to pay for everything on my own), or don't get married and stay in California while going to school (with my mom still supporting me). I'm trying to think of a plan, but it's so hard! If you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know! Thanks! I understand your love for your boyfriend and your desire to get married. But think carefully...statistics are stacked against you. You are both VERY young, and you boyfriend will likely be deployed at some point - causing a lot of stress in your relationship. I think, at 18, you have so much growing and learning to do. If you're married during your college years, you are likely to miss out on a lot, and you won't be able to relate to a lot of your peers. Check out www.marriagebuilders.com. This site has some really wonderful information about marriage, compatibility, how many people you should date before you get married (so you know what's out there!). I agree with your mom...and when I was 18 I might not have agreed with her. I'm just speaking from experience at this point. It is your choice to listen or to not!
kate1977 Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 its a hard choice but remember be happy with yourself always and feel independant think positive and pick a goal and go for it
norajane Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 She thinks that I will be spending a lot of money - which I will, but I think that the bah would cover most of it. The bah? What is the bah? I don't see why you're in such a rush to get married. If you truly love each other, you will still love each other when you have finished school, without the huge headache of trying to support yourself while studying. Why be all alone in a strange city with no family and friends while he is deployed who knows where. Get engaged if you must, but marriage can wait. YOu have a whooooole life ahead of you. There is a time for everything.
a4a Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 NO do not get married....... most likely it will end in divorce. You are much too young and you should finish your education and find out who you are. If you "love" each other so much there will still be love after you finish your education. Go get an education, get some life experience, and set some goals for yourself besides being a wife.
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