Guest Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 My MM and I started as friends and I think that is our ultimate comfort level. He never would mention his wife in the beginning even though I would try to bring her up. He never mentioned her because he was too busy flirting and begging me to start something with him. Now I've noticed that he brings up his wife during conversations. Just little things but he definitely says "my wife" and tells little stories that involve her. He's even compared different qualities of mine to hers. Not in a good way, just a matter of fact way. It feels weird when he brings her up. What does this mean? I'm not happy to be here and trying to find the strength to stop our emotional affair (not physical really) and this just makes me feel awkward. Any thoughts on where he's coming from?
herenow Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It means that he's married and has a wife and she is a big part of his life. Maybe it's his way of reminding you of that very real fact. I would think that being involved in an affair of any kind with a MM would be awkward, but that's just me I guess.
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It feels weird when he brings her up. What does this mean? I'm not happy to be here and trying to find the strength to stop our emotional affair (not physical really) and this just makes me feel awkward. Any thoughts on where he's coming from? I agree with HN, he is letting you know she is VERY much part of his life and has no intention of ending his marriage. You have control over your own life. If he isn't planning on ending his marriage, then you need to break it off with him. Yeah I'm sure it will hurt, but you'll get over it. He was never "yours" to begin with, he has a wife, possibly has children, a life with someone else - YOU deserve that too, just not with him. He's a taken man...And you hanging on, trying to have an affair, or an emotional affair with him is only going to hurt you and make you feel worse as time goes on. Go read some other threads in this section by OW and see what you're up against if you choose to stick it out with him.
YoMomma Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It feels weird when he brings her up. What does this mean? I'm not happy to be here and trying to find the strength to stop our emotional affair (not physical really) and this just makes me feel awkward. Any thoughts on where he's coming from? He is married, that is exactly where is he coming from - he is coming from his house where he lives with his wife and bringing their relationship into the one he is having with you. And you want to know why? It's because he knows he is wrong to be with you - and he wants you to know it too! BTW, there is no such thing as not physical really - either you are or you aren't. Save yourself further heartache - get out of this relationship now. :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
Blue Phoenix Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I agree hes def trying to give you the message that his wife is a huge part of his life and shes most likely not going any weres. You should move on and start you own life with some one whos not already taken. If I were you I'de take his increse in mentioning her as a sighn its time to end things. Def now before it dose get physical I'de jump ship before you get your self envolved even more and realy become attached..
JackJack Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Personally, I think its great he is talking about his wife. Espoecially if they are good things he is saying. I remember a friend of mine who had thought about straying, from his wife, the counselor told him, if you ever feel you want to stray or come in contact with the person you might want to stray with, start talking of your wife. Start talking about her in a good way not a bad way. Praise her to the person you think you might want to stray with. Now, even if people were to do that, doesn't mean it would stop someone from continuing on in an affair but it might make them stop and think about things for a moment. Kind of disengage anythign that may or may not take place. He tried it last time he came in contact with the person he thought he would stray with. He talked highly of his wife, about the fact things might not had been all that good lately, but that she was a good mother, cook, took good care of the house, she was a neat dresser etc, you get the picture. Anyway, once he started talking of the good things about his wife, he took a step back and thought that maybe him wanting to stray was probably not the best idea.
puddleofmud Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Just be careful: emotional affairs ARE about talking about wives at times for many reasons. One could be feeling out what you will accept. But mostly they are usually about gaining (YOUR) emotional support for their needs whatever they may be. Being an emotional connection is about many things about which you may not know the genuine foundation of that need, thus may be manipulated for whatever those needs. Best not to be involved at ALL. His needs are not your job!
Kenzo Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 I can relate to the "wife talk", sometimes it's just "she" however he refers to her it always stings a bit! I try not to ask a lot of questions, or persue it, I just listen. The truth of the matter is she is a huge part of his life whether we (OW) know it or not, no matter the intimacy level in their relationship (which ,of course, in most cases they claim is non-existent). I do agree though that it has a lot to do with testing the boundaries of how much you as the OW are willing to accept. I figure it's like dealing with a child...if you ignore "bad" behavior, it tends to go away
Jinxx Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Oh geez -- I used to hear about the wife all of the time. All's it is, is a constant remimnder that he is committed to someone else. A guilt thing... that is why I think they do it.
frannie Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Hmm I agree with PoM that he's really using you to be an emotional support for him in his marriage. Additionally, I agree with others that he probably sees her as a long-term permanent fixture and wants you to know that that's how it is. One question for you: when did it stop being friendship between you and start being an EA? How do you differentiate the two..? I've had married male friends before, and talked about all sorts with them... never considered anything an EA, because it wasn't. How do you know the line has been crossed..? Did you start talking of a joint future, or has that never been said..?
Guest Posted March 1, 2007 Posted March 1, 2007 Hmm I agree with PoM that he's really using you to be an emotional support for him in his marriage. Additionally, I agree with others that he probably sees her as a long-term permanent fixture and wants you to know that that's how it is. One question for you: when did it stop being friendship between you and start being an EA? How do you differentiate the two..? I've had married male friends before, and talked about all sorts with them... never considered anything an EA, because it wasn't. How do you know the line has been crossed..? Did you start talking of a joint future, or has that never been said..? It became emotional when he told me we had "this emotional thing" and a spirtual connection. "Wrong but so right" were his words.
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