Princess Sophie Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hi...I am new here but I am just looking for some insight on something. I have been divorced for two and a half years and have very little experience in the dating world. I have recently met a man who I very much like and who seems to like me. We met through work but not at work and by chance needed to conduct some business via email. Well each email, we got a little more chatty etc until one day it turned to text messaging and we were texting for about 6 hours one night until late in the morning. Then it turned to phone conversations lasting til 4 in the morning....we just really hit it off and had so much in common. The phone conversations did begin to get to a sexual point. Well to get to the point.....went out to dinner last night and then ended up back at his house and had some amazing sex. Cuddled all night and then I left early this morning. Before we had sex, we talked and talked about what each other wanted as well as all sorts of things very personal. The question I am trying to figure out is how I can tell if he was interested in a one night stand or something beyond that. We have definitely connected...in more ways than one but I am left wondering whether or not he was just in it for the sex or whether he really enjoyed it and me. Im not very good at reading this situation because I have so little experience dealing with it. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 The question I am trying to figure out is how I can tell if he was interested in a one night stand or something beyond that. this is why i think sleeping with guys on the first date is a bbbbaaaddd idea, and why i dont do it. but anyway, the thing is u probably wont know if thats all he wanted until he shows interest in u. if the dude does try to go out with u again, then maybe u should hold back and not give it up so easily to him. men sometimes (granted not always) lose interest faster, once they think they have u. then they dont have to do as much work and "pursue" u. this guy probably wouldnt have put as much work into pursuing u (text messaging and talking on the phone for hours) if he just wanted to sleep with u once. but if i were u i would lay low and let him contact u. if he does ask u out, dont be so accomodating and maybe hold off on the sex for awhile, it will peak his interest..trust me.
Author Princess Sophie Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 Yeah I know, I shouldnt have slept with him on the first date and we discussed it in depth a few days before on the phone. It was just the strangest connection....it felt immediately like we had been friends for a long time and I honestly feel like I trust him already as strange as that sounds. He really really opened up to me and is so communicative which I think is a rare trait for a man....and I think that we did develop a bond very quickly.....but now I guess I have to play the waiting game. I did have a text from him this morning and I know he is traveling today for work so I dont expect anything but am more just curious I guess. I really have no expectations at all even though I really like him.
ImWithHim Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It's certainly encouraging that he sent you a text. I would think that perhaps he is interested in more, given that he did contact you today.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 i agree its a good sign he sent u a text, but he may just be looking for another hook-up type situation. if u really like this guy and maybe would like to date him dont hook up with him again until u start dating. thats the only way u'll figure out if the guy is after u or sex.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 i agree its a good sign he sent u a text, but he may just be looking for another hook-up type situation. if u really like this guy and maybe would like to date him dont hook up with him again until u start dating. thats the only way u'll figure out if the guy is after u or sex.
Road Rage Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hey, only time will tell. You must take it as it happens. Sex on first, second date etc, is in my opinion a mistake for a woman seeking a relationship with a guy. But, the mistake is made. If there are two real people here that are seeking something authentic, it will progress anyway.
stillafool Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I agree. Sex on the first date is a no-no. However, only time will tell if he's in to you and the only way to find that out is to hold back. Don't call, email or text him. I wouldn't have sex with him the next time you guys hook up either. If guys like the sex they will try to do it again but you don't want to fall into that kind of relationship so soon. The other thing is your age. If you guys are older it may not matter as much because obviously you two are mature enough to know what you want.
Reckless Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 As most people said here, all you can do is wait and see if he actually asks you out again. And if he asks you out see if its like "well, I've bought you a coke so find a flat surface and brace yourself Brigette ..." Time will tell...
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 The question I am trying to figure out is how I can tell if he was interested in a one night stand or something beyond that. I agree with Lauriebell. You should have known the answer to this question BEFORE sleeping with him. There is NO HARM in waiting - if anything, it weeds out the guys who ARE only out to get sex or who in retrospect realize themselves that they would have preferred to wait as well. Unlike the others, I don't find one text after the fact to be a good sign. A phone call and arrangements to see each other again would have been a good sign. "I'm traveling" (at least in my experience) results in a long, dragged out blow off. But of course, only time will tell. If things don't work out with this guy, don't make the same mistake twice.
Guest Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I appreciate all the input and I think I didnt make something clear. We did talk about it in depth before we actually did it. We had a two hour conversation about what we wanted and what we had been through in the past etc etc. But I guess being the novice I am with men, I feel like they sometimes will say things just to get what they want but he was very sincere ....at least he sounded it to me. He has said that he thinks I am great...we have so much in common that he wants to do all these things with me.....we discussed the fact that if we crossed the line, he and I both worried that it could change that and we both wanted the friend thing to come first. I just read that and realize how strange that sounds but at the same time....we really did seem to be on the same page and we BOTH wanted to sleep together and we DID discuss it at length before we did it. I guess my problem now.....is that in the absensce of a phone call which I still havent gotten and refuse to make myself...if that is the real indication. In all fairness...there have been several emails and several texts and I only left his house 24 hours ago so probably I may be overthinking it and I just need to give it a little more time to figure it out.
Author Princess Sophie Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 I appreciate all the input and I think I didnt make something clear. We did talk about it in depth before we actually did it. We had a two hour conversation about what we wanted and what we had been through in the past etc etc. But I guess being the novice I am with men, I feel like they sometimes will say things just to get what they want but he was very sincere ....at least he sounded it to me. He has said that he thinks I am great...we have so much in common that he wants to do all these things with me.....we discussed the fact that if we crossed the line, he and I both worried that it could change that and we both wanted the friend thing to come first. I just read that and realize how strange that sounds but at the same time....we really did seem to be on the same page and we BOTH wanted to sleep together and we DID discuss it at length before we did it. I guess my problem now.....is that in the absensce of a phone call which I still havent gotten and refuse to make myself...if that is the real indication. In all fairness...there have been several emails and several texts and I only left his house 24 hours ago so probably I may be overthinking it and I just need to give it a little more time to figure it out.
JamesM Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Give it time. As a guy, I can say that sex on the first date or even in the first few weeks or months is not necessarily a good thing. And my reason for saying that is...once the sex line has been crossed, sex becomes more of a expected rather than a "gift." A good relationship needs friendship. Sex changes things. Since you have had sex, then a relationship should be formed outside of that. It is important that you both learn as much as possible about each other. If you begin to think that you will make a good couple because you have great chemistry, then you could be in trouble when marriage is ineveitable and sex no longer is the priority. I know that you know most of this having been married, but emotions tend to ride high with a new partner. And if the future is to be with this man, isn't it better to know him as friend before knowing him as a lover? I feel strongly that age and maturity do not mean that "courtship" should be shorter. Guys and ladies can hide much about themselves when dating. A marriage should last a lifetime. And dating is how we learn what our lifetime will be like. Many, many people wish that they could go back to those dating days and do things differently. I just heard on Dave Ramsey Talk Show of a lady who found out that her husband of one year has a major addiction to gambling. He was able to keep it hidden for the seven months that they dated. Now she has to deal with his lying and stealing. If she had kept her eyes open while dating, she may have easily discovered his PO boxes, his several bank accounts, and his delinquent bills. The fact that both were in their forties did not change the fact that he had a problem that she never discovered. The key to a longterm relationship is to be skeptical of each other while dating and acceptable of each other when married. So, sex on the first date may not be just a one night stand. But sex on the first date may cloud the judgment of how we perceive the other person.
Author Princess Sophie Posted February 28, 2007 Author Posted February 28, 2007 Well I think I made a mistake sleeping with him. We have been texting back and forth banter type stuff but still no phone call. Maybe I am being impatient but it seems to me if he was as into me after as he was before....he would of called by now. Although I am sad, I am not surprised.....I let down my guard and did something I wouldnt normally do because I know how it ends up. The worst part is.....that this was the closest connection and best match in a man I have come across ...ever. Lesson learned....I wont make that mistake again no matter how strong the connection is!! In my heart, I knew I shouldnt have done it but in the end the pure animal attraction won out!!! Thanks for all the advice
Lezbean Posted February 28, 2007 Posted February 28, 2007 Give it a few more days. I wouldn't worry yet. For the first time in my life I slept with my Honeypie on the first date. I had never done it before or after. I also did not sleep with anyone for 2 1/2 years before that (by choice). We just had this animal attraction together and did it 7 times the first night LOL, it was incredible! We have been together for 18 months now and will be married by the end of the year. He did call me the next day though and was very loving, thoughtful and attentive from the first date on. Good Luck!
Author Princess Sophie Posted March 1, 2007 Author Posted March 1, 2007 So all is well again in the world. He did call today and we did have an indepth discussion as to where we were headed and decided that we are just going to take it one day at a time. Leave it to me to get all worked up over nothing major. Apparently, he had as much fun as I did....I didnt ask why no call for two days and I wont. Bottom line is ...he called and he is definitely interested in more!
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