I am so sad!!

[princesspeaches]

I guess I am not going to stress anymore about it and let the chips fall where they may. I know I can get pregnant cause we have a 7 yr old daughter together. I don't think I have ovulated since I got pregnant. I ended today with my 28 day cycle so we will see. I am so sorry for your loss . I don't blame my SO for not feeling the way I do . I understand he will not feel what I did cause I was carrying the baby not him. I was going into 9wks beginning my third month. It was a surprize to us both cause we don't use anything anything and haven't in a long while. My SO had been talking about having another baby and I was having mixed emotions cause of the colic I dealt with and the fact it would be starting all over again. I was happy when I found out and was looking foward to it. I was sick but not as sick as I was with daughter really nauseous and got sick a few times but nothing like with her. I was sick the whole time with her. I was losing weight not gaining but I did exercise and when I said something to my SO about being pregnant he said I didn't look it. I said well I am a wk late and I am usually like clockwork. He said it wasn't possible but I took a test and sure enough I was . He was excited and like I said I had mixed emotions. I know it isn't my fault but you can't help but think it is cause it is your body and it couldn't grow in you. I felt like I was damaged or was being punished for having mixed feelings. Now I want so bad to be pregnant and it just isn't happening. Why is that?

 

I had to take a few minutes to think about how to respond to this one. I noticied that you said a few times that its not my fault. It's really easy to feel like it is your fault and its really hard to feel like it wasn't your fault. I denied it profusely for eight months, but I had nights literally nights of crying and feeling like a failure and I never let my SO know or see this. When you said that you cry alone, it hit home with me. I blamed my ex for it, but I blamed myself more. Mostly because I felt like a failure as a woman that I couldn't protect my baby. ultimately it was the car accident, which was determined to be the other drivers fault and not my SO fault. I actually just forgave him this past year for it, and when I did that it felt ok to forgive myself.

 

Prior to conceiving her, I had four very early miscarriages. I coped by pretending that I never had a positive read and it was just me being late. With her it was different, there was a whole little baby that I had pictures of, and clothes and a room for. (I was that close) You have something that I didn't though. You have an older daughter to focus on, and to help you recover.

 

My point here, was you need to forgive yourself. You don't have to admit to us that you blame yourselves, I wouldn't admit it to anyone. And that's ok. You do need to come to peace with it though. And when your body is ok you will get pregnant again. The worst thing you can do is think that your body is incapable of growing a baby. If you think it long enough it will be the case. I've seen plenty of friends go through this. Also if you are hell bent on getting pregnant, and its all you think about it wont necessarily happen either. Take a break from trying and just make love.

 

Someone suggested yoga, do that. It does wonders. And it wouldn't hurt to try some meditating for 10 minutes a day. Plug in some headphones and listen to something you like loudly for 10 minutes, with your eyes closed and sitting down just focus on breathing. Do it everyday. It helps. I wish I had started it sooner.

[Sassy]

I had to take a few minutes to think about how to respond to this one. I noticied that you said a few times that its not my fault. It's really easy to feel like it is your fault and its really hard to feel like it wasn't your fault. I denied it profusely for eight months, but I had nights literally nights of crying and feeling like a failure and I never let my SO know or see this. When you said that you cry alone, it hit home with me. I blamed my ex for it, but I blamed myself more. Mostly because I felt like a failure as a woman that I couldn't protect my baby. ultimately it was the car accident, which was determined to be the other drivers fault and not my SO fault. I actually just forgave him this past year for it, and when I did that it felt ok to forgive myself.

 

Prior to conceiving her, I had four very early miscarriages. I coped by pretending that I never had a positive read and it was just me being late. With her it was different, there was a whole little baby that I had pictures of, and clothes and a room for. (I was that close) You have something that I didn't though. You have an older daughter to focus on, and to help you recover.

 

My point here, was you need to forgive yourself. You don't have to admit to us that you blame yourselves, I wouldn't admit it to anyone. And that's ok. You do need to come to peace with it though. And when your body is ok you will get pregnant again. The worst thing you can do is think that your body is incapable of growing a baby. If you think it long enough it will be the case. I've seen plenty of friends go through this. Also if you are hell bent on getting pregnant, and its all you think about it wont necessarily happen either. Take a break from trying and just make love.

 

Someone suggested yoga, do that. It does wonders. And it wouldn't hurt to try some meditating for 10 minutes a day. Plug in some headphones and listen to something you like loudly for 10 minutes, with your eyes closed and sitting down just focus on breathing. Do it everyday. It helps. I wish I had started it sooner.

 

I already do yoga ,pilates, aerobics, the firm, Carmen Electra Striptease. I exercise everyday. I walk every afternoon if the weather lets me too. I try doing calming things. I agree with JackJack. I have been under alot of stress with my friends brother and dad dying and the miscarriage. I need to break from my routine and do things less stressful. Sorry for your loss too. I hope one day I will feel the same way you do. I pray I get the strength you have at this moment. I don't know that I could be that far in my pregnancy and that happen I couldn't cope with that. I have found alot of people have had miscarriages that I didn't even know did. My mom's sister did and she already had two she was 6 mths. She talked with me over the Christmas holidays about it and I was shocked I never knew. She said she chose not to put her self through another loss. She cherished the two she had and was happy with that. I would like to have a little sibling for my daughter to grow up with . She is so lonely her brother my ss acts like he hates her and he hurts her feelings . She cries all the time about the baby and wanting me to get pregnant.

[Sassy]

It will happen when it is supposed to happen. Maybe physically you're ready, but emotionally you're not. I just say this because you are focussed (and I don't mean this in a bad way, it is a healing process) on the dates and what could have been...

 

I know this isn't the answer, but do yoga! It does bring on an inner peace and that could help relax and keep your frame of mind healthier and you won't feel as sad.

 

My thoughts are with you, I know how hard this is on you. My bestfriend had a miscarriage afew years ago, so I know from talking to her how painful it is.

 

Look after yourself, sleep well, eat right and definately do some pampering too! Why not book a spa day for yourself!

 

Thanks WWIU for your reply I appreciate what your saying. I do Yoga already and I agree with a day at the spa. I have always wanted to do that maybe I will look into one around here.

[Guest]

I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago. We now have a healthy 5 month old baby boy! However.... there was no way after I miscarried that I was in any hurry to try to have another baby...I had to give myself time to heal, emotionally, mentally and physically. If that meant 6 months or a year then that was fine by me. It was hard in the beginning thats for sure, but time helped me alot....Stress can do so much, and sometimes we don't even realize how much.

 

As far as your SO, he probably is hurting or has been, he may not show it though. Men feel they need to be strong for their partners sometimes, and thats ok..... I think men deal with loss differently than women. I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and even though we don't always know that reason, sometimes its best not to question why things are the way they are.

 

In my case, my husband and I were not in the best situation to really have a baby at the time. We were having some relationship issues, and even though I don't know why I miscarried, during that time, it might have been for the best. No, I'm not saying I was glad it happened, I don't know to many people who wish they would miscarry, but what I'm saying is, after it happened I began to think maybe there was a reason for it, and that reason to me was, me and my husband weren't getting along good. There was alot of domestic issues going on. Since then, we have been in counseling and worked through them. I do think that when I finally got pregnant we were both ready or more ready to try to be good parents.

 

If you have alot of stress or any major issues going on, you can't expect that not to effect parenting skills. Because it does. Having a child is a big deal, so its all in whatever you feel you and SO are ready for.

[Sassy]

I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago. We now have a healthy 5 month old baby boy! However.... there was no way after I miscarried that I was in any hurry to try to have another baby...I had to give myself time to heal, emotionally, mentally and physically. If that meant 6 months or a year then that was fine by me. It was hard in the beginning thats for sure, but time helped me alot....Stress can do so much, and sometimes we don't even realize how much.

 

As far as your SO, he probably is hurting or has been, he may not show it though. Men feel they need to be strong for their partners sometimes, and thats ok..... I think men deal with loss differently than women. I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and even though we don't always know that reason, sometimes its best not to question why things are the way they are.

 

In my case, my husband and I were not in the best situation to really have a baby at the time. We were having some relationship issues, and even though I don't know why I miscarried, during that time, it might have been for the best. No, I'm not saying I was glad it happened, I don't know to many people who wish they would miscarry, but what I'm saying is, after it happened I began to think maybe there was a reason for it, and that reason to me was, me and my husband weren't getting along good. There was alot of domestic issues going on. Since then, we have been in counseling and worked through them. I do think that when I finally got pregnant we were both ready or more ready to try to be good parents.

 

If you have alot of stress or any major issues going on, you can't expect that not to effect parenting skills. Because it does. Having a child is a big deal, so its all in whatever you feel you and SO are ready for.

 

We have had our problems and no marriage is perfect ,but I don't think that is the reason we miscarried. He had really changed before I got pregnant and was really caring and was always calling to check on me. He was so excited and wouldn't let anyone or anything stress me out. We already have a 7 yr old daughter and I got pregnant after we had seperated and got back together. I am sure everything happens for a reason and I think the reason was it wasn't growing and God knew I couldn't handle a child like that.

The only problems we really have is with my ss not wanting rules and daughter thinking since he does what he wants she can too. My SO has really tried to take control of the situation and things are alot better. I just think maybe it isn't the right time. My body has just got back on track being on time. I feel with the stress of my friend's brother and then dad dying six months apart and worrying about her was throwing me off. I know stress plays an important part in messing up your cycles and even causing women to ovulate.

[princesspeaches]

I I pray I get the strength you have at this moment. I don't know that I could be that far in my pregnancy and that happen I couldn't cope with that.

 

It took me almost three years to get to be this strong. Shortly after our relationship ended, I got involved with a man who had a young daughter and she needed a Mother and I needed a daughter. I couldn't be weak for her, I miss my baby but having her helped me be strong enough to make it. It takes time. You'll wake up one day and realize that you've always had the strength inside it was just on vacation. It was very hard to cope with, it ultimately ended us, but I'm okay with it now. I can smile when I look at her room and not feel so sad. It's strange. But you'll find your strength.

 

I would like to have a little sibling for my daughter to grow up with . She is so lonely her brother my ss acts like he hates her and he hurts her feelings . She cries all the time about the baby and wanting me to get pregnant.

 

Having a mean step brother is rough. I have one too. I still remember most of the mean things he did to me as a child. But I didn't live with him, and I took great comfort in that. I really enjoyed just me time with my parents when I was 7. Maybe you can do a mother daughter spa together, after yours alone? Or go get your nails done and let her get her nails painted or get pedicures together....Being seven and missing the baby is tough, but I work with children in her age group. Sometimes they just need a good distraction....like a new puppy or kitten thats just hers? Just a suggestion. If she's that upset though, maybe you should think about setting up the school counselor for her.

 

And maybe not tell her right away the next time you get pregnant. I had only told a small group of people, less then four and I was eight months pregnant. Just the way my family is. But maybe wait until your like six months or so to let her in on the secret.

 

Smile, its going to get better and remember the worst that could happen already did. Things have to get worse before they can get better. Things will get better.

[Sassy]

It took me almost three years to get to be this strong. Shortly after our relationship ended, I got involved with a man who had a young daughter and she needed a Mother and I needed a daughter. I couldn't be weak for her, I miss my baby but having her helped me be strong enough to make it. It takes time. You'll wake up one day and realize that you've always had the strength inside it was just on vacation. It was very hard to cope with, it ultimately ended us, but I'm okay with it now. I can smile when I look at her room and not feel so sad. It's strange. But you'll find your strength.

 

 

 

Having a mean step brother is rough. I have one too. I still remember most of the mean things he did to me as a child. But I didn't live with him, and I took great comfort in that. I really enjoyed just me time with my parents when I was 7. Maybe you can do a mother daughter spa together, after yours alone? Or go get your nails done and let her get her nails painted or get pedicures together....Being seven and missing the baby is tough, but I work with children in her age group. Sometimes they just need a good distraction....like a new puppy or kitten thats just hers? Just a suggestion. If she's that upset though, maybe you should think about setting up the school counselor for her.

 

And maybe not tell her right away the next time you get pregnant. I had only told a small group of people, less then four and I was eight months pregnant. Just the way my family is. But maybe wait until your like six months or so to let her in on the secret.

 

Smile, its going to get better and remember the worst that could happen already did. Things have to get worse before they can get better. Things will get better.

 

Thanks I hope so. She got a new puppy for Christmas it was born in November but couldn't get it till it was weaned. It is a tea cup chihuhua her name is Sassy like my name on here she picked it . She chose my name for LS too! She is tiny and hope she don't get too big. She has had her shots been wormed and even gave her a heart worm pill. She loves her. We was walking like we do everyday when it is pretty and she says to her friend "she wants a little sister or brother. She asked me when I was going to have another baby? I said when God gives us another one. She was really excited got to go to the ultrasound and already picked out the name . She says it was a girl me and my SO thinks it was too! We made a baby page with the ultrasound and I let her help and that helped her deal with it alittle. She was mad at me and thought I caused the miscarriage . The dr had a talk with her and explained to her what happened.

[bleedinghrt]

I am so sorry to hear of your lost. I myself have gone through this 7 times. Go ahead and cry, I remember every due date and I too get sad around each and every due date.

As far as getting preggers again, relax and enjoy the process of making the baby. It will happen again when your body is ready.

I now have a very beautiful little 4 month old daughter she is truely a gift.

[Sassy]

I am so sorry to hear of your lost. I myself have gone through this 7 times. Go ahead and cry, I remember every due date and I too get sad around each and every due date.

As far as getting preggers again, relax and enjoy the process of making the baby. It will happen again when your body is ready.

I now have a very beautiful little 4 month old daughter she is truely a gift.

 

Thanks and I am so sorry for your losses! You are a strong women too. I don't think I would have continued to try as many time as you have one miscarriage is enough for me. Wow can imagine what you must have went through. Did you get pregnant every time after miscarriage ? Did they figure out what was causing it? Congrats on your new little baby girl! We have a healthy 7 yr old daughter we just would like to have another . That pregnancy wasn't planned but a blessing when it happened. We couldn't believe that we was pregnant after 7yrs. We don't use anything then 7yrs later I am pregnant. Just wonder if I am ovulating like I am suppose to.

[bleedinghrt]

I have a 19 year old and a 16 year old son. They have no idea why I had so many miscarriages. The only way I got through them all was to keep in mind, is that there had to be something terribly wrong for the pregnancy to end.

Our daughter was born with Downs Syndrome but she couldnt be more perfect.

 

I have always had a 28 day cycle unless I was pregnant. Even after every birth and D and C I would get my cycle after 28 days even breast feeding.

 

Hang in there