Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I had a miscarriage in November and would have been 23wks as of last Saturday. I am finding it harder and harder as the due date gets close. I would have been due at the end of June of this yr. I am not pregnant yet and wonder if something is wrong with me. I go into a forum where they deal with miscarriage and it has helped awhole lot but this weekend was the saddest I have been in awhile. I was in a funk all weekend. A couple that we hang out with came over and ate with us and he asked was I mad at him. We all are always joking we grew up with him and he said I didn't pick back . I told him I was sorry and it was a very emotional weekend cause I would have been almost 6mths on last Saturday. My SO was really understanding but I feel he doesn't get it. It was my body not his. I know it was his baby too but I feel he is dealing better than I am. I am really wanting to get pregnant and it is making me sad . We aren't really monitoring anything we are just having sex. I think the miscarriage has really threw me out of whack. I don't even think I am even ovulating. I am back on track this month with being on time so hopefully I will fall pregnant soon.
quankanne Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 hugs to you, Sas – from what my sister tells me, her son and his wife go through similar stages, she said Thanksgiving was hard because they had been so excited about being pregnant (she miscarried between months 2-3). Christmas was good, because she'd gotten pregnant again, then ... you guessed it. I know it's hitting them hard because they are seeing everything through the eyes of "this would have been the baby's first such and such," stuff like that. Though my niece is relying on her faith to get her through this, I know this must hit pretty hard because she'd been planning a big family ever since she and the boy began dating in high school, more than a decade ago. maybe it would help to temper the sadness by remembering the joy your baby had brought for that short while she/he was with you ... a thought on the conception process: would it help if you and he looked into Natural Family Planning? You monitor your body for signs of fertility and act accordingly to achieve or postpone pregnancy, from how it's been described to me.
princesspeaches Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I had a miscarriage in November and would have been 23wks as of last Saturday. I am finding it harder and harder as the due date gets close. I would have been due at the end of June of this yr. I am not pregnant yet and wonder if something is wrong with me. First I'm sorry that you went through that. And I'm sorry that you still are. I thought for a very long time after I had a miscarriage that I was damaged or broken. It took me a year to come around and realize that I was fine. (it took so long cause I didn't want to go to the doctors afraid that they might tell me horrible things) When I finally did go, I found out that being sad and in a funk can stop a lot of important hormone functions, I stopped ovulating and I didn't even know it. They helped me kick start everything, and it got better in terms of making a baby. My SO was really understanding but I feel he doesn't get it. It was my body not his. I know it was his baby too but I feel he is dealing better than I am. My ex dealt with it better then I did because he didn't have the emotioal bond that I had with her. I knew it was a girl, I named her. I still get upset on September 22nd and its damn near four years later. The thing he didn't understand that its a mourning process that you have to go through, just because the baby didn't mature to nine months and come out and live so he could see it didn't mean that my baby didn't die. You deal with things differently its natural. I wish that there was something that we could do to make them connect to the baby like we do, I mean we feel it and everything, you know? I am really wanting to get pregnant and it is making me sad . We aren't really monitoring anything we are just having sex. I think the miscarriage has really threw me out of whack. I don't even think I am even ovulating. I am back on track this month with being on time so hopefully I will fall pregnant soon. If you aren't keeping track of anything and you havent gone to the doctor about it, pay attention to your cervical mucus. I know it sounds so gross, but it did the trick the first time. I watched it for two months, saw my pattern and on the third month it was like magic. I'm really sorry about the baby, you have the biggest internet hug from me from one almost mom to another Good luck with the ovulating and the getting pregnant. I hope it works out for you, and try not to hold it against your SO if he doesn't understand all the feelings your going through, remember we cope differently.
EnigmasMuse Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I'm sorry about your loss. I understand you are wanting another baby, but sometimes things don't always go the way we hoped, so we have to give it a little more time. November wasn't that long ago, but I understand that doesn't lessen the pain any. Its good you can come here to talk about it, or the forum you mentioned about miscarriages, but if your depression continues on even after more time has passed, you could always look into talking with someone that's more on the professional end of things, such as a counselor. I'm sure losing a baby can make one depressed. Hopefully you will be blessed to become pregnant again soon. Hugs to you.
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 hugs to you, Sas – from what my sister tells me, her son and his wife go through similar stages, she said Thanksgiving was hard because they had been so excited about being pregnant (she miscarried between months 2-3). Christmas was good, because she'd gotten pregnant again, then ... you guessed it. I know it's hitting them hard because they are seeing everything through the eyes of "this would have been the baby's first such and such," stuff like that. Though my niece is relying on her faith to get her through this, I know this must hit pretty hard because she'd been planning a big family ever since she and the boy began dating in high school, more than a decade ago. maybe it would help to temper the sadness by remembering the joy your baby had brought for that short while she/he was with you ... a thought on the conception process: would it help if you and he looked into Natural Family Planning? You monitor your body for signs of fertility and act accordingly to achieve or postpone pregnancy, from how it's been described to me. You know I never even thought I could be throwing my body off with the sadness. Wow that is amazing.. I am sorry for your sister loss . I was going into my third month when I lost my baby. I felt things from the get go. I was still sick all the way up to the day I miscarried never had any signs till started spotting. The drs said the baby stopped growing at 7wks . I had a u/s at 6wks wdays that is my avatar of the it. I seen a heart beat with the heart chambers and it was pumping strong. I was told once you see the heartbeat it is like a 5% you miscarry well guess it was my percentage cause 2wks later I did. I didn't miscarry until the middle of the week. I wasn't bleeding bad only when i wiped it was brown but on the third day it was brown and red then it was on . I spotted on and off Monday November 13th 2006 to November 16th went to ER and they said possible miscarriage wanted me to follow up with dr and had appointment to hear heartbeat to reassure me. Went in and told them what was going on and showed them my bloodwork paper. We went in to hear a heartbeat and couldn't find it . She said it was still early and she was going to get ultrasound so she did and she never said anything. So we went to the big ultrasound and of course had to see what insurance would pay for. She did the vaginal and I could see the baby and there was no heartbeat. She said she wanted to measure my ovaries and uterus. She said she was sorry to tell me but the baby had died at 7wks by gestation. After that started cramping really bad and knew it was going to happen soon. I guess I knew something was wrong but my body didn't want to give the baby up. My mind and heart had to catch up with each other. They wanted to give me a D&C and I said I would rather go home and do it on my own. I went home and passed the baby within 3hrs it was a fast process and did it with no medication except tylenol. Weird how once I was told it starting expelling quickly and the cramping was very intense.The dr said it was nothing I done that the baby wasn't progessing. I did get to see it in the toilet and it never developed arm buds and leg buds. My SO wanted to make sure it was happening cause he said dr's can make mistakes.
EnigmasMuse Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I did get to see it in the toilet and it never developed arm buds and leg buds. My SO wanted to make sure it was happening cause he said dr's can make mistakes. Personally, I would be in bad shape if I had seen that. I'm so sorry you had to see that as well. Since you passed it on your own, did you go back to the doctor for a recheck? For them to make sure all was all passed?
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 First I'm sorry that you went through that. And I'm sorry that you still are. I thought for a very long time after I had a miscarriage that I was damaged or broken. It took me a year to come around and realize that I was fine. (it took so long cause I didn't want to go to the doctors afraid that they might tell me horrible things) When I finally did go, I found out that being sad and in a funk can stop a lot of important hormone functions, I stopped ovulating and I didn't even know it. They helped me kick start everything, and it got better in terms of making a baby. My ex dealt with it better then I did because he didn't have the emotioal bond that I had with her. I knew it was a girl, I named her. I still get upset on September 22nd and its damn near four years later. The thing he didn't understand that its a mourning process that you have to go through, just because the baby didn't mature to nine months and come out and live so he could see it didn't mean that my baby didn't die. You deal with things differently its natural. I wish that there was something that we could do to make them connect to the baby like we do, I mean we feel it and everything, you know? If you aren't keeping track of anything and you havent gone to the doctor about it, pay attention to your cervical mucus. I know it sounds so gross, but it did the trick the first time. I watched it for two months, saw my pattern and on the third month it was like magic. I'm really sorry about the baby, you have the biggest internet hug from me from one almost mom to another Good luck with the ovulating and the getting pregnant. I hope it works out for you, and try not to hold it against your SO if he doesn't understand all the feelings your going through, remember we cope differently. I guess I am not going to stress anymore about it and let the chips fall where they may. I know I can get pregnant cause we have a 7 yr old daughter together. I don't think I have ovulated since I got pregnant. I ended today with my 28 day cycle so we will see. I am so sorry for your loss . I don't blame my SO for not feeling the way I do . I understand he will not feel what I did cause I was carrying the baby not him. I was going into 9wks beginning my third month. It was a surprize to us both cause we don't use anything anything and haven't in a long while. My SO had been talking about having another baby and I was having mixed emotions cause of the colic I dealt with and the fact it would be starting all over again. I was happy when I found out and was looking foward to it. I was sick but not as sick as I was with daughter really nauseous and got sick a few times but nothing like with her. I was sick the whole time with her. I was losing weight not gaining but I did exercise and when I said something to my SO about being pregnant he said I didn't look it. I said well I am a wk late and I am usually like clockwork. He said it wasn't possible but I took a test and sure enough I was . He was excited and like I said I had mixed emotions. I know it isn't my fault but you can't help but think it is cause it is your body and it couldn't grow in you. I felt like I was damaged or was being punished for having mixed feelings. Now I want so bad to be pregnant and it just isn't happening. Why is that?
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 I'm sorry about your loss. I understand you are wanting another baby, but sometimes things don't always go the way we hoped, so we have to give it a little more time. November wasn't that long ago, but I understand that doesn't lessen the pain any. Its good you can come here to talk about it, or the forum you mentioned about miscarriages, but if your depression continues on even after more time has passed, you could always look into talking with someone that's more on the professional end of things, such as a counselor. I'm sure losing a baby can make one depressed. Hopefully you will be blessed to become pregnant again soon. Hugs to you. Thanks Enigma . My SO said that when I was having feelings about it to talk to him cause it was his baby too! I just wish I would see him cry about it just once . I was the one that had the mixed emotions about getting pregnant and he wanted me to and he is the one that is taking it better. Maybe he is upset he just doesn't want me to see him cry. I guess it just makes it harder cause there is someone in my family that is due in the same month as me. Maybe this is God's way of saying let's deal with the loss first then you can get pregnant.
JackJack Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I know it isn't my fault. I have seen you say this Sassy numerous times since your loss, No one says it was your fault hun, and I think you feel it is, even though you say its not. You really need to start believing that its not, ok. Now I want so bad to be pregnant and it just isn't happening. Why is that? Stop beating your self up over this, and analyzing WHY its not happening for you right now. It will when its supposed to. You will drive yourself crazy if you keep asking "WHY" Sassy, I'm sure a miscarriage can throw you into a tail spin, but you have also had other stresses in your life on top of that. Your best friends dad passed away, and you were worried about her. Your SS was not listening, then you had mentioned before too, you have some friends who are pregnant right now and that was hard for you too. Stress can do alot to the body. Sounds like, you and your SO could use some time away. Do you think he would be up for that? How about a weekend getaway just for the 2 of you. It doesn't have to be any place fancy, just a nice quite place to get away from it all. I know when you return your problems will still be here, but sometimes just getting away from things even for a little bit, can help to clear your mind and give your mind and body a break from daily stresses and routines etc. Just a suggestion, but it might do you a world of good. Hang in there.
EnigmasMuse Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Sassy, I'm sure a miscarriage can throw you into a tail spin, but you have also had other stresses in your life on top of that. Your best friends dad passed away, and you were worried about her. Your SS was not listening, then you had mentioned before too, you have some friends who are pregnant right now and that was hard for you too. Stress can do alot to the body. Sounds like, you and your SO could use some time away. Do you think he would be up for that? How about a weekend getaway just for the 2 of you. It doesn't have to be any place fancy, just a nice quite place to get away from it all. I know when you return your problems will still be here, but sometimes just getting away from things even for a little bit, can help to clear your mind and give your mind and body a break from daily stresses and routines etc. Just a suggestion, but it might do you a world of good. Hang in there. This sounds like a really good idea. I know if I were in your situation, I would need to get away for awhile. It would be a good opportunity for you all to reconnect better since the loss. You all could talk about your loss if you wanted too, with no interuptions from family or friends. Or you could choose not to talk about the loss and just enjoy each others company. Sounds like a plan to me.
a4a Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 If you want to move on and focus on the future it may be a good idea to put aside some of the reminders of this like the pic in your avatar. Good luck and you can get some ovulation detection pee sticks to see if you are ovulating.
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 If you want to move on and focus on the future it may be a good idea to put aside some of the reminders of this like the pic in your avatar. Good luck and you can get some ovulation detection pee sticks to see if you are ovulating. I have some ovualtion pee sticks but not used them yet. The avatar don't bother me. I think what brought it all up was when I took my mom to get her hair fixed and the hair dresser that has known me for so long started talking about it. It made me realise how far along I would have been and then all the emotions came back.
a4a Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Maybe you should seek a grief counselor. I have to wonder if your avatar has any effect on others that may have recently miscarried? Just a curious observation.... like your mom bringing it up to you..... maybe the picture floods memories back to others here that feel the same way you did when your mom popped it back into your head?
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 I know it isn't my fault. I have seen you say this Sassy numerous times since your loss, No one says it was your fault hun, and I think you feel it is, even though you say its not. You really need to start believing that its not, ok. Now I want so bad to be pregnant and it just isn't happening. Why is that? Stop beating your self up over this, and analyzing WHY its not happening for you right now. It will when its supposed to. You will drive yourself crazy if you keep asking "WHY" Sassy, I'm sure a miscarriage can throw you into a tail spin, but you have also had other stresses in your life on top of that. Your best friends dad passed away, and you were worried about her. Your SS was not listening, then you had mentioned before too, you have some friends who are pregnant right now and that was hard for you too. Stress can do alot to the body. Sounds like, you and your SO could use some time away. Do you think he would be up for that? How about a weekend getaway just for the 2 of you. It doesn't have to be any place fancy, just a nice quite place to get away from it all. I know when you return your problems will still be here, but sometimes just getting away from things even for a little bit, can help to clear your mind and give your mind and body a break from daily stresses and routines etc. Just a suggestion, but it might do you a world of good. Hang in there. You know what that doesn't sound like a bad idea only if my SO could get off from work. He has a hard time taking time he is very valuable to the company and they act like if he misses a day they going to go nuts without him. He knows alot about the job and can always count on him . My mom has been helping us out by keeping our daughter so we can go out with friends . There has been alot of stress in my life this year and you very well could be right why I am thrown off. I exercise everyday but I have on pretty days been getting out and walking with my daughter that seems to help alot. Jack Jack thanks for the advice you have been a great help in all this.
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 Maybe you should seek a grief counselor. I have to wonder if your avatar has any effect on others that may have recently miscarried? Just a curious observation.... like your mom bringing it up to you..... maybe the picture floods memories back to others here that feel the same way you did when your mom popped it back into your head? It wasn't my mom it was the hair dresser. I put that up before I miscarried and just never took it down.
a4a Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It wasn't my mom it was the hair dresser. I put that up before I miscarried and just never took it down. ooops sorry I misread that..... on the phone right now. anywho..... perhaps trying to look at positive things in your life will help you move forward?
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 ooops sorry I misread that..... on the phone right now. anywho..... perhaps trying to look at positive things in your life will help you move forward? Thanks I am trying too!!
JackJack Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 You know what that doesn't sound like a bad idea only if my SO could get off from work. He has a hard time taking time he is very valuable to the company and they act like if he misses a day they going to go nuts without him. He knows alot about the job and can always count on him . My mom has been helping us out by keeping our daughter so we can go out with friends . There has been alot of stress in my life this year and you very well could be right why I am thrown off. I exercise everyday but I have on pretty days been getting out and walking with my daughter that seems to help alot. Jack Jack thanks for the advice you have been a great help in all this. Would it be hard for him to ask off for a Friday or even to leave earlier on a Friday? You all could take the weekend, that is, assuming he doesn't work on the weekends.
quankanne Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 The dr said it was nothing I done that the baby wasn't progessing. unfortunately, miscarriages tend to happen that way. Have you ruled out the possibility of thrombosis (something to do with the mom's bloodclotting and the source of blood cut off from baby by a certain stage)? It's what nephew's wife has, they switched OBGyns and the new one has told her they were going to approach her subsequent pregnancies with this in mind ... be proactive, so to speak. grief counselling, even if it's just talking with a minister or getting on a board with other couples who have experienced the same, might be a good tool for you to help begin healing.
buddyb Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Sassy. I am very sorry to hear you had a miscarriage. I wanted to say to you give yourself time to grieve for the loss of your baby, hopes and dreams. Worrying about getting pregnant again is adding to the stress of what you are going through. Feeling incredibly sad is only natural. Grief is a process. My eldest sister lost her baby in September. She was due Sept 27th and gave birth to a boy on Sept 24th. He was stillborn. It was her first boy. She has 2 girls to her husband already. He was perfect. To this day we don't know what happened. She has really bad days. She is 33 in May and from what I gather isn't in a hurry to get pregnant yet. She is just dealing with the grief at present. A mother has a natural bond with the baby which the father doesn't have until the baby is born. I think your partner probably is hurting more than you realise. My sister's husband doesn't say a pile about what happened but I can see it in him that he is sad deep down. Men feel they have to put on a brave face for the mother and they do. My sister feels her baby is all around her. Her husband dreamt of their son recently and it was a really comforting dream. Don't worry Sassy. Just give yourself the time you need to heal. Good luck for the future. x
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 The dr said it was nothing I done that the baby wasn't progessing. unfortunately, miscarriages tend to happen that way. Have you ruled out the possibility of thrombosis (something to do with the mom's bloodclotting and the source of blood cut off from baby by a certain stage)? It's what nephew's wife has, they switched OBGyns and the new one has told her they were going to approach her subsequent pregnancies with this in mind ... be proactive, so to speak. grief counselling, even if it's just talking with a minister or getting on a board with other couples who have experienced the same, might be a good tool for you to help begin healing. No don't think I have that or would have had that with daughter that is now 7. I know I can get pregnant just wasn't meant to be for this baby.
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Sassy. I am very sorry to hear you had a miscarriage. I wanted to say to you give yourself time to grieve for the loss of your baby, hopes and dreams. Worrying about getting pregnant again is adding to the stress of what you are going through. Feeling incredibly sad is only natural. Grief is a process. My eldest sister lost her baby in September. She was due Sept 27th and gave birth to a boy on Sept 24th. He was stillborn. It was her first boy. She has 2 girls to her husband already. He was perfect. To this day we don't know what happened. She has really bad days. She is 33 in May and from what I gather isn't in a hurry to get pregnant yet. She is just dealing with the grief at present. A mother has a natural bond with the baby which the father doesn't have until the baby is born. I think your partner probably is hurting more than you realise. My sister's husband doesn't say a pile about what happened but I can see it in him that he is sad deep down. Men feel they have to put on a brave face for the mother and they do. My sister feels her baby is all around her. Her husband dreamt of their son recently and it was a really comforting dream. Don't worry Sassy. Just give yourself the time you need to heal. Good luck for the future. x I am sure he is hurting but he hasn't really said he was till he knew I was sad this past weekend. I try not to cry when he is around I only do it when I am alone. I am going to give myself time to heal and when it is meant to be I will get pregnant. I know it can happen cause we have a 7 yr old daughter. I guess it is better for me to work through this before I get pregnant again. The dr just said she thought it was because I ovulated late the chromosomes just didn't come all together.She told me usually when you miscarry before 20 wks it is chromosonal. Thanks buddy!!
blind_otter Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Sassy, It took me a long time to get over my miscarriages. I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. I hope and pray you are feeling better soon. Try to focus on the positive and keep your head up, girl!
Author Sassy Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Sassy, It took me a long time to get over my miscarriages. I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. I hope and pray you are feeling better soon. Try to focus on the positive and keep your head up, girl! Thanks Blind !! I was hoping you would reply.
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It will happen when it is supposed to happen. Maybe physically you're ready, but emotionally you're not. I just say this because you are focussed (and I don't mean this in a bad way, it is a healing process) on the dates and what could have been... I know this isn't the answer, but do yoga! It does bring on an inner peace and that could help relax and keep your frame of mind healthier and you won't feel as sad. My thoughts are with you, I know how hard this is on you. My bestfriend had a miscarriage afew years ago, so I know from talking to her how painful it is. Look after yourself, sleep well, eat right and definately do some pampering too! Why not book a spa day for yourself!
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