jidgey16 Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hi everyone....I've only posted on here once or twice but in the last couple of days my life has completely changed... 1 year ago my boyfriend and I broke up, it was the hardest thing I ever went through, we were together for 2 years. We broke up becuase our personalities were not meshing, we were both graduating from college and didn't know what we wanted and were completely stressed out about it...we had a horrible breakup and didn't talk for almost a year...we truly truly loved each other but it just wasn't working... about 1 month ago I received an email from him apoligizing for everything that happened between us. He told me that he felt so horrible about the way he treated me and wanted me to know that...I answered him thanking him for the apology and we spoke on the phone...he has a girlfriend of 11 months...they got togehter right after we broke up...since the email he has been on my mind...not a lot but sometimes... this past week he has been on my mind non stop and I m still not sure why, I couldn't get him out, he was all I could think about...well this past weekend we saw eachother out and we talked about evrything, we told each other we think about wach other everyday and pretty much talked all night... since that night I have seen him 3 more times, once at the bar the next night and then the past 2 nights he came over to my apartment...he doesn't know what to do, after tons of crying and talking he still doesn't know what to do becuase he as the girlfriend...who he told me was perfect in everyway except for the fact that she is not me...what the hell sould I do, i can't sleep, eat this is totally getting to me...Please give me any advice! thank you so much for reading
silentcharon Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 Hi J, I can understand why he came back to apologize, kudos to him. Obviously you're not ready to be just friends with him, and he's confused. Perhaps it may be a good idea to step aside, give him some space to figure out whatever issues he may have. And you also need the space, as you haven't fully healed yet. Remember, he's with her- so obviously he doesn't want you back that badly, because he's not with you!
taylor Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 I may be going out on a limb here, but it sounds like this other girl is/was a rebound for him following your break-up. And now he's realizing she's really not the one for him. Since he rebounded with this girl a month after your break-up, I would guess he never took time to deal with the loss of your relationship. Instead, he just jumped into another relationship with someone else to ease the pain and loneliness and make himself feel better. His rebound girlfriend has served her purpose and he is probably ready to move on. The problem is I don't think he really knows what direction to move in. He is very confused because he jumped from one relationship into another without sorting out his feelings. I don't think he really knows what he wants right now. That makes him a dangerous person to your heart. Maybe he contacted you because he's unhappy with his other girlfriend and he is testing the waters to see if you will let him "fall back" into your arms. Maybe he is just "lost" and you are familiar, comfortable territory. Maybe he just needs comfort because he is so unhappy and miserable with his situation right now. Maybe he just needs a sounding board. Maybe he just wants someone to hold him. In any of these cases, you need to be careful with your heart because you do not want to set yourself up to be his next rebound girl. Try to keep a lid on your emotions and guard your heart for awhile until you know what his true intentions are. Time will tell. I know, easier said than done. But I know what it feels like to be a rebound girl. Believe me, you don't want to go there. If, on the other hand, your ex-boyfriend really wants a second chance with you because he realizes you are the one for him, make sure he proves it to you first. If he is sincere about wanting you back, he will first and foremost break things off with the other girl completely, ie, absolutely no contact. Unless he does that, he is all talk. And even if he does break things off with the other girl, are you sure you would want him back now? Could you trust him? Could you trust his feelings, given the confused state he is in right now? What your boyfriend may really need right now is some "alone" time to deal with his mixed feelings and to come to terms with his past relationship with you and his current relationship with his girlfriend. Another consideration: You broke up for a reason. Do those reasons still exist? I think you should move very slowly and cautiously with him. In fact, until and unless he breaks things off with his girlfriend, I would keep contact at a minimum, if at all. And by all means keep your relationship "just friends" until he figures out what he really wants. Best Case Scenario: He realizes you are the only one for him, he breaks up with his current girlfriend, and is 100 percent sure he wants a second chance with you. Worst Case Scenario #1: He remains torn between you and his current girlfriend and tries to string you both along (FWB???)- to have his cake and eat it, too. Worst Case Scenario #2: He breaks up with his current girlfriend and uses you as his next rebound until he feels all better and can go back out in the world and look for girlfriend #3.
oppath Posted February 27, 2007 Posted February 27, 2007 It sucks to be the rebound guy too! This isn't a good situation because you have not fully healed. Please put yourself first. You are not a crutch for him to lean on regarding his gf. Don't do it.
Author jidgey16 Posted February 27, 2007 Author Posted February 27, 2007 wow thank you much for your reply...it is a lot to think about...i know...i can't eat so at least im losing some weight over the issue...at least one good thing came out of it! thanks so much for the replies...this relationship is a very touchy one since we did really love eachother and still probably do...thanks again
Recommended Posts